See, you know all those scary left-wing rockers who loyal conservatives are normally afraid of? They're actually sons of Goldwater! Just look:

NIRVANA. “Nevermind” is nothing but a celebration of free markets (”Smells like Teen Spirit” being an anthem about owning something as simple as deodorant). And the truth is - that adorable baby on the cover chasing the dollar is now in his late teens - a healthy testament to a system of monetary reward based on hard work and achievement. “If only Kurt Cobain had chased the almighty dollar instead of the dragon, he’d be alive today,” Steve Albini might have said, if he wasn’t so busy reading Hayek.

Stupid joke + references no one will get + conservative buzzwords = Hilarity! God, why don't I think of this when I'm trying to figure out ideas for posts? Or at least sprinkle in a little more casual misogyny?

THE DIXIE CHICKS. Without question, the most ardent supporters of the policies of George W. Bush, they boldly released a romantic tribute to the man, called “Cowboy Take Me Away” - knowing it would reduce them to playing small venues. When they followed that up with “Wide Open Spaces,” a sexually-charged song describing how their bodies felt after making love to the commander in chief, perhaps it was “too much information.” Sometimes, certain things are better left unsaid, ladies.

Chicks, am I right? They can only sing about getting off! Lol, Greg, call me!

Of course, the real belly laughs are brought when Public Enemy comes into play:

PUBLIC ENEMY. Talk about guts: their song “911 is a Joke” served as an indictment of the left, or more precisely those who refused to take the attacks on the World Trade Center seriously. Indeed, they saw 911 as “a joke,” and Public Enemy took them to task for it. I am amazed at Chuck D’s bravery in releasing something that would make him so unpopular among the rap denizens of the upper west side. But he did. And my “kangol” is off to him.

Get it? No hip-hop fans live on the Upper West Side! Also "Kangol" is in quotes, because it's a hat that white dudes who host aimless late-night shows don't wear!

The post-post-post-post-post-ironic stance taken by Gutfeld is unfunny enough on its own, but when you add in the comprehension-challenged peanut gallery, the whole enterprise just becomes downright depressing:

Julie - January 6th, 2009 at 10:41 am

I THINK YOU ARE MISTAKEN ABOUT THE ROCKERS ON THIS LIST BEING CONSERVATIVE. MOST OF THEM ARE EXTREMELY LIBERAL

Oh, Internet. You give... and then you give me this.

Conservatives Rock! [Big Hollywood; HT Cameron Macdonald]

This, of course, brings up a key question: Who will play Conrad Birdie—the "Birdie" in the title, for those of you who weren't active in drama club back in the day—in the remake? Given that Shankman's Hairspray had teen scream Zac Efron as its resident hottie, one would think that the definition of "cute" will be pretty straight-and-narrow. But are there really any heartthrobs out there who could pull off "One Last Kiss"?

My answer to this question is, of course, Ne-Yo, what with his ability to dance and sing and bump and grind and etc. But you're probably not surprised by that. Feel free to make your own guesses in the comments!

ONE LAST KISS [Dailymotion]
Adam Shankman in for 'Birdie' remake [Hollywood Reporter via leilacohan]

Kaito "Go"

What a good band they were.

Also, by request, here's that Clive Davis interview with the snippet of "Suck" buried in the background:

More on Kelly Clarkson's new single! [MJ's Big Blog]
Kaito - Go [MySpace]

It seems like part of the appeal of in-home retail parties is the allure of purchasing products that are normally unavailable in stores, or somehow scandalous; when the same items are available at the local megastore, the shine of being forced to eat bad canapes while having a catalog thrust in your face kind of wears off.

That line of thinking didn't occur to the House Party folks, however. The draw of clearing out some Harry Connick Jr. catalog was too strong!

Through Tara Leigh, former EMI marketing executive Josh Zieman organized 2,500 listening parties at homes throughout the United States. The gatherings attracted a total of 42,000 people, 88 percent of them female.

Tara Leigh grew out of Zieman's experience at EMI. He was vice president of marketing at the Manhattan label group before heading up business development operations at a Toronto-based digital media company in 2007.

"We were trying to reach adults and market music to them," he recalled. "We looked at the direct-sales market, which is a multibillion-dollar business, and wondered if you could sell music in that model."

House Party provides one such way to reach women in their living rooms. To launch Tara Leigh, Zieman printed 35,000 catalogs featuring 100 titles from 15 record labels, including albums by such names as Harry Connick Jr., Faith Hill, Enya and Tina Turner. He also compiled a 15-track sampler CD for party attendees and created a taraleighmusicparty.com Web site.

According to the official site for Tara Leigh, hosting a party is simple! If you have friends to invite, that is.

* Open Your Home To Music by inviting family and friends to a Tara Leigh Music Party.
* Tell your friends that at your party they will discover some of the best new music being released now. They will also be able to purchase the product from the comforts of a living room while having a good time at a party!
* You and your guests will have access to the exclusive Tara Leigh Music Party catalog with great selections for the holidays and all-year long. We will also provide fun, customized games such as "Complete the Lyrics" and "Bingo" to help your guests learn more about the music in our catalogue.
* At the end of your party, collect orders from your guests and submit them either through the web site or by calling the toll-free number on the catalogue. Based on the number of orders placed at your party, you will also receive FREE CDs!

That's right! Fun party games and the opportunity to purchase albums like Kid Rock's Rock N Roll Jesus for the low Tara Leigh price of $14.00. Of course, that same album is available for $9.99 at Target, but the party atmosphere (read: spiking the punch) should quell any reservations your guests might have.

Clearly, the sales potential of this idea is unlimited. So after the first 2,500 listening parties, how did things go?

While 13,000-plus attendees asked for more information, Ziemen conceded that the first round of parties produced "minimal sales."

So, would the "minimal sales" discourage further experimenting with the concept? No way! Instead, modify the incentive a bit, throw in a few buzzwords, and roll on.

Still, given the strong turnout and the interest of participating record labels, Zieman said he plans to organize another series of house parties in the spring for Mother's Day and Father's Day. "I will try to recruit women who are enthusiastic about turning their friends and family on to new music and becoming a compass for music options," he said. "I'll start there and try to find other people virally, who want to become reps — they will get discounts on music, concert tickets and other entertainment-related items. The sales force is out there, and we're going to keep building it."

Oh, they said something was going to happen "virally". I take all my criticism back. In fact, I'm going to start my own home-based music sales business. Does anyone want to come over next week and listen to some select tracks from albums rated 8.0 or higher by influential music publication Pitchfork? There will be cheap beer and a veggie tray and only a little bit of coercive sales pressure!

Tara Leigh Music Party [Official site]

Music marketers target female shoppers at home [Washington Post]

• "Too often, though, the album slogs through droning nonstarters such as 'Go Square Go' and 'Polmont on My Mind,' and that's even excepting 'Stabbed,' a ridiculous spoken-word soliloquy that jacks Beethoven's 'Moonlight' Sonata so flagrantly it'd make J.R. Rotem blush. It's a bull market for fetishizing exotica in rock music today, but though Glasvegas certainly sounds like Scotland, it feels more like its eponymous Sin City: sprawling and glittery but ultimately artificial." [LA Times]

• "Glasvegas reached No. 2 in Britain and Ireland when it was released there this fall, and it’s easy to imagine British crowds raising their voices for choruses like 'I’ll turn on my S.A.D. light' in 'S.A.D. Light,' a song about seasonal affective disorder. Glasvegas is determinedly provincial, insisting there is grandeur in everyday lives. But what sounds rousing in Britain can sound sodden and overwrought to American ears—or at least to mine." [NY Times]

• "Though Glasvegas uses limited sounds and rhythms—drummer Carolyn McKay famously learned to play only two drums before the band started the album at Brooklyn Recording studios in Cobble Hill with producer Rich Costey—it turns out to be overflowing with nuance and detail." [Newsday]

• "It makes for a compelling blend of grays—Flowers and Football Tops is based on the real-life murder of a Glasgow teenager—lit by singer James Allan's high, bright hurrahs. You may get lost in his thick Scottish accent—until the chant-ready choruses come around." [Rolling Stone]

The other part of the announcement—regarding iTunes possibly going DRM-free—involves an issue that's hard to gauge as far as whether or not the public cares. My personal feeling on the whole digital-rights management thing is that people don't really care, as long as what they've purchased works. So Apple's "five devices per track" limit on each protected track seems generous on first blush, but once you have a track in your library for longer than, say, the lifespan of two hard drives and three iPods (or vice versa, or... well, you get my point), you're forced into buying the damn thing all over again. We've heard for a while that Jobs and Apple have wanted to strip any protections from their files, only to face resistance from the labels; perhaps one of the bigwigs who wanted to play hardball with Apple finally upgraded his iPhone after the holidays, only to get frustrated when he couldn't hear the copy of Nikka Costa's "Like A Feather" he'd bought on a drunken late-night "Genius Just For You" spree.

Confirmed: iTunes Going DRM-Free. Unclear: Does Anyone Care? [Media Memo]

"Cradle":

"Austere"

The Joy Formidable [MySpace]
"Cradle" [YouTube]
"Austere" [YouTube]

Has it really already been two years since Sanjaya Malakar, he of the ponyhawk and crying girls and his own universe, first burst upon the scene via a not-all-that-bad American Idol audition of "Signed, Sealed, Delivered"? Not only does this news make me feel kind of old, it made me realize that more than enough time has passed for the kid to release his debut EP—cover art is above—and judging by the snippets available on its Amazon page, dude is planning on coasting by via his slightly dubious fame and not his voice, which is framed by a bunch of songs that sound like they didn't make the cut for the final 98 Degrees album. Oh, Sanjaya. Maybe you should see if Ryan Seacrest would be willing to hand over Idol's long-dormant Brian Dunkleman role instead of you having to actually go through with releasing this thing?

Dancing To The Music In My Head [Amazon; HT themattsmith]

"TV Eye":

""Cool Time/No Fun" at Glastonbury 2007:

"I Wanna Be Your Dog":

Asheton was 60.

Stooges' guitarist Ron Asheton found dead in his Ann Arbor home [MLive.com]

ONE-LISTEN VERDICT: Remember When I Was Cruel, the "back to his roots" rock album Elvis Costello put out a few years ago? Refusal sounds a lot like that, though of course Morrissey's roots are much gentler. The guitars are loud; the drums are pretty close to the red; the bass is distorted; there aren't a lot of filigrees, though the ones that are there are appreciated. Among the music cognoscenti, this isn't going to get a lot of attention probably, given its proximity to the shrill, blunt blarefest Pitchfork gave a 9.6 to this morning, but it deserves some. It sounds louder to me than the last Morrissey album (the ostensible rock one), but more than anything else, it sounds tight. The melodies are clear and direct, the songs get in and get out (5 of the 11 tracks are under 3 minutes), and Morrissey sings his ass off. The horns, children, strings, and theremin (?) work within the songs rather than outside them. When he finally breaks off for a ballad in the second half ("It's Not Your Birthday Anymore"), it sounds earned rather than boilerplate, and the track's mix of '80s synths, Marr-ish guitar, and gong gives way to a fair rager of a rock chorus. No idea if this will hold up a few years down the line (I listened to When I Was Cruel incessantly at the time, but have little interest now), but at the moment, it's a winner.

THE BEST TRACK: I'm a sucker for a leadoff track, and "Something Is Squeezing My Skull" doesn't disappoint. The arrangement manages to sound like the Smiths but aggressive, the way Moz's jumps to the final word of the title in the chorus gives me goosebumps, and the pharmaceutical list and refusal chant of the middle 8 barrels intro a practically ...Trail of Dead-like coda. Morrissey: He rocked my socks off.

It's hard to tell. It's unclear why Lupe would deny being the vocalist here, and the band would just be happy for the publicity, so their denial makes sense logically. But, well, it does sound like him, and the "band" sure does sound like it's sequenced rather than recorded. Also, it's pretty horrible. So, in conclusion: it's probably Lupe Fiasco, but you shouldn't care. Unless you want to hear a cover of a Prodigy song. No, not that Prodigy. Like, "wicked firestartaaaah!" Prodigy. Yeah.

Japanese Cartoon [MySpace]
Lupe Fiasco abandons rap and launches post-punk band? [NME]

Antonelli was injured during the concert after Joseph Bruce – known as Violent J – threw an unopened two-liter bottle of soda into the crowd. The bottle struck Antonelli in his right eye, Cass County District Court documents state.

The band often sprays audiences with Faygo soda during shows, which are often attended by a group of fans that call themselves Juggalos. ...

Antonelli’s suit claims that Bruce was negligent for throwing the bottle without warning and Playmakers was negligent for not providing sufficient security and control of Bruce, court documents state.

In a response to the suit, Playmakers agrees that Bruce threw a bottle into the crowd and injured Antonelli. Bruce is alone in the blame for Antonelli’s injuries, the response states. The venue is working to find out more about the band’s liability insurance, attorney Duane Ilvedson said Tuesday during a scheduling hearing.

Violent J—real name "Joseph Bruce" (bor-ing!)—hasn't responded to the suit yet (and probably won't for a while, since the trial doesn't begin until well after the Plains have thawed out from the winter), but one thing's for sure: That Faygo endorsement is even more far-off now.

Fargo Man Sues Insane Clown Posse [InFORUM]

As Disquiet points out, the great strength and weakness of these applications is that they create sounds, not songs. This makes them much easier to use, but is it a performance to just hit play? When the creators are the ones doing the hitting, sure. But as an instrument, it's unclear of their utility beyond just novelty. Still, laptops are now entirely accepted as music-making devices. There's no reason iPhones can't be, too.

Best of 2008: 10 Albums, 10 Downloads, 8 Processes [Disquiet]
FM3 Buddha Machine Wall [Zendesk]

Guess this means you're sorry
You're standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
What you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you'd never come back
But here you are again

Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you

Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for tryin' to pick a fight
I know that I've got issues
But you're pretty messed up too
Anyway, I found out I'm nothing without you

Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you

Being with you is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn't miss you, but I can't let go
Oh yeah

Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you

Kelly Clarkson Shares New Single's Lyrics [PopEater; HT Reed Fischer]

Take, for example, a recent CNN story about "the ever changing world of music sharing." As technology reporting, it's fine enough, telling us about a number of new services that allow people to share their listening habits. There's a nod to the dubious legality of some of these, but the story is absent of any particular mention of the actual music being shared, although it does have a confusing High Fidelity reference.

Again, as technology reporting, this is fine. But as music reporting, it's horrible. The services and devices are described as equally exciting without discussing their durability, sound quality, or userbase. One of the services in the article, known as Jook, is essentially worthless unless a lot of people buy and use it, as it's a way for a user to physically share music tastes via broadcasting playlists; unless there are other Jook users around, the end effect is not unlike wearing a Laser Tag target while walking down a street, hoping for a game to break out spontaneously.

More than anything else, though, articles like these represent an absolute abdication of the responsibility to educate the public about new art. That High Fidelity ref is the reporter's way of telling us that people don't discover music "from a music nerd behind a counter"—or, implicitly, from a critic in a newspaper. They discover it, instead, through the devices that our intrepid technology reporter is introducing us to.

It's true that CD sales are down so much that only a handful of releases can be discussed by a mainstream publication without fear of alienating the mass audience; any other music deemed worthy of a story is going to have to have some sort of "angle" attached to it. But the angle seems to have moved beyond music itself, and on to Web sites. And the funny thing is that there's no reason to think that any of these services (save Twitter) will have a bigger reach than any major indie album or mid-level country, rap, or metal album.

The move to digital music was inevitable, and yeah, the music industry was unprepared for it. But, again, in our eagerness to embrace the brave new world, we become a little blind to its flaws. The universal jukebox is great, but when we focus on the jukebox, we start to ignore what's actually inside it. Trust me on this: you do eventually get tired of listening to all the music that already exists, and you need more. For music to move from art form to fungible "content" entails a fundamental shift in its nature, making it less like Bach and more like porn: an endless stream of minor variations designed to fulfill a desire that no one talks about too much.

The ever changing world of music sharing [CNN]

Let's step back and break down the elements of this cover, shall we?

• Half an infinity sign, and another one in the band's logo;
• Outfits that seem to change depending on whether or not they're covered by the aforementioned infinity sign;
• No real rhyme or reason as to what the "changed" outfits mean (a sweater? a tie? perhaps hell is forced trips to the J. Crew Outlet?);
• A title that uses the old "one letter can change everything" trick.

So maybe this cover means that they're frustrated with the runaway success of "The Reason" as opposed to, well, anything else in their catalog, and they feel like they're trapped in "safe" alter egos from now until time? Or does it just mean that they want to get out of their contract with Island as quickly as possible, and are even willing to sacrifice anything resembling decent cover art as a means to that particular end? Or am I giving this band way too much benefit of the doubt by assuming that it had anything resembling big ideas in the first place?

Hoobastank - For(n)ever [AbsolutePunk]

Surely you can come up with better ones? Bonus points if you can figure out a way to use that line about losing "more than that in my backseat" line from "Never Say Goodbye." [AP]

Digital Music News got in touch with a few ISPs to see how their antipiracy efforts were going, and Verizon's answer amounted to a "Huh?":

In fact, one of the largest ISPs, Verizon, told Digital Music News that a sweeping, stepped-up agreement with the RIAA simply does not exist. "We have agreements with some copyright owners, and if they believe that their copyright has been abused, we will forward that complaint to a customer without disclosing the name of that customer," said Eric Rabe, senior vice president of Media Relations at Verizon. "We have a long history of judiciously protecting the identities of our customers."

In other words, Verizon is not modifying existing agreements or subscriber protection policies that have been standing for years. "The RIAA seems to be out there discussing these agreements, but we're not aware of it, whatever it is," Rabe continued. "We understand that there must be respect for copyright, and that it is important for the development of content. But we need some sort of balance, and there are procedures and laws in the courts now that allow copyright holders to take action. If we receive a subpoena, we will respond."

Verizon has revealed identities, usually under a direct court order, though the company has offered little more. "A wholesale short-circuit of the legal system, or a system in which alleged copyright holders are handled in bulk - we have resisted that," Rabe noted. That also goes for a campaign that sends threatening letters to suspected infringers on a massive scale, one that would follow in the footsteps of a British multi-industry agreement.

AOL, Comcast, and Charter said that they would have no problem terminating the accounts of offenders (hey AOL, what if Jay Mariotti gets caught?), but they all denied that there was some sort of Voltron-like system in place in which the ISPs would band together with the RIAA to keep those people found guilty of uploading off the Internet forever.

Changing Tack, RIAA Ditches MediaSentry [WSJ]
Any There There? RIAA Agreements Remain Flimsy, Unconfirmed... [Digital Music News]

• "Animal Collective have spent the decade following their own path, figuring out what their music is capable of while also working to bring more listeners into their world. On Merriweather Post Pavilion, their commitment has paid off tremendously." [Pitchfork]

• "In years past, Animal Collective have been cast as perpetual Peter Pans, forever stuck in childhood fantasias. But beneath the body-moving throbs and coruscating noises of Merriweather Post Pavilion, themes of domestic duty and devotion abound. On the resplendent closer, 'Brother Sport,' Panda consoles his older brother after their father's death, advising him to follow his own voice. As the beat grows increasingly joyous, the song sends a message to family and fans alike: 'Open up your throat,' sings Panda, and rave on." [Spin]

• "Maybe the overwhelming, full-throated joy of it all sounds particularly radiant in the fluey gloom of winter, but right now Merriweather Post Pavilion doesn't just seem like one of the first great records of 2009, it feels like one of the landmark American albums of the century so far." [Uncut]

• "Fuck me, this is brilliant." [The Quietus]

INDIE TEENS IN HAVING NO SENSE OF HUMOR SHOCKER aka animal coLOLctive: what happened? [C:E:L:E:B:R:A:T:I:O:N]
Animal Collective [MySpace]

Maura Johnston's Top 12 Albums, Singles, And Concerts Of 2008
80 '08 (and Heartbreak): Idolator's Year-End Extravaganza
The Top 12 Idolator Posts Of 2008

Guardian blogger Tony Naylor's top choice was Hot Chip's Made In The Dark, which wasn't nearly as troubling as an album to me as it seemed to be to so many others. After all, even Naylor admits there were a few good songs within, and I'm not sure I thought the The Warning was "deep soul music made by discreetly clever men." Maybe my expectations were lower? Glasvegas' full-length isn't out here yet, so I'll reserve my opinion on that for another week, although his third choice was maybe a little more shocking than the other two.

3) Santogold – Santogold (Atlantic)

We wanted the Santogold of Creator, but what we got was 11 songs that sound a bit like the Strokes. We wanted the Santi White who made the (exceptional) Top Ranking mixtape with Diplo; we got the slick professional songwriter. You can't deny that the likes of I'm a Lady are the work of a skilled craftswoman, but neither can you find any genuine emotional or sonic vitality in this album. Forgotten, but not gone.

I was more excited by Top Ranking than the album as well, but the complaint "11 songs that sound a bit like the Strokes" seems to be inaccurate.

I had a hard time thinking of an album that really "disappointed" me this year, especially since there weren't that many I was really all that excited for that didn't pay off. The Magnetic Fields' Distortion wasn't exactly what I wanted it to be; the Hives' shine has worn off for me; and there were obviously highly acclaimed discs I didn't share the world's enthusiasm for (Fleet Foxes, Bon Iver).

The closest thing I could come to a "disappointing" album was the Roots' Rising Down, which I listened to twice before it was doomed to the CD rack of no return. I used to like the Roots so much that the idea of not obsessively listening to an album of theirs over and over would have been unthinkable to me during the Things Fall Apart era, but there are probably a number of reasons for that shift in my listening habits that have nothing to do with whether or not an album lived up to my expectations.

So, do you have a disappointing purchase haunting your memories of the last 12 months?

The most disappointing albums of the year [Guardian]

I mean, there's not much news in Gerrard's arrest for a fracas with a nightclub DJ, despite my desire as a Chelsea fan for him to be locked up until June or so. But look at what the fight was over! It seems Steven wanted the DJ to put on something by his favorite artist, and the DJ refused.

One report suggested Gerrard and a group of his friends were involved in an altercation after the man refused to allow them to choose the songs played on the venue's sound system. Gerrard is a big fan of Phil Collins and counts the singer's greatest hits as his favourite album. He is also partial to Coldplay.

I'm not entirely sure what the Coldplay reference was thrown in, except for the article's author to have an opportunity to reiterate that Gerrard's taste sucks, but I just can't imagine what amount of alcohol it would take to have me ready to break a bottle over my inability to hear "One More Night."Guess I should wait to hear... wait for it... "Both Sides of the Story".

That being said, nothing will ever diminish my love for "Easy Lover":

While it doesn't relate to the post except under the most tangential of circumstances, here's Ol' Dirty Bastard's take on "Sussudio", although I'm not entirely sure he was aware of what was going on.

Steven Gerrard faces assault charge over bar fracas [Guardian]

Here are some reasons why the album was delayed ( and we are not sugarcoating it kids )

The Studio that Courtney and her band were using to record had some paranormal technical issues and had to be moved from one studio to another studio right around the holidays due to some technical sound issues that Beinhorn who is a master and a genius was not happy with. The room was a paranormal issue, Courtney and crew could not hear between guitars. Sound and vocal mixings have to be completed still to perfection.
if Courtney had it her way she would have it the studios sound checked first but it was originally use as a hip hop rap studio so the acoustics were all fucked up.

The Artwork is pretty much done..Courtney has 30 million dollars in sponsorships,
from a prominent feminine hygiene/menstrual company and a prominent tequila company ??? and Courtney doesn't even understand that part!

Courtney will keep you updated on her album release, but don't worry
the wait at the DMV will always be longer.

Tequila and a "menstrual company"... well, I guess those are both recession-proof industries, right? It's not like the downturn's going to result in women being handed out Annuale en masse...

why Nobody's Daughter was nowhere to be found today.. [Courtney Love's MySpace Blog]