As those of you who read NME already know, Jay-Z, Chris Martin, and Gwyneth Paltrow teamed up last night for Jay’s show at the Royal Albert Hall in London. As it turned out, one of Idolator’s far-flung correspondents was backstage, and happened to witness the trio’s awkward encounter; our first-hand account follows after the click-through.
(Backstage at Royal Albert Hall, there’s a knock on Jay-Z’s dressing-room door. Seconds later, Chris Martin’s head appears, with Gwyneth Paltrow behind him.)
CM: How’s it going, mate?
Z: (Peering at Martin) Shit, you’re here, like, three hours early. Where’d you park it?
Z: The wheels, man, where’d you–wait. You my driver, right? Nigel? No–Liam?
CM: Jay! It’s me, Chris. Chris from Coldplay! Remember? We met at Prince’s Grammy-party after-party party?
Z: Awww, shit…I’m sorry.
CM: No worries, mate!
Z: Nah, it’s just that I’m really, really bad with names, you know? It can be kinda socially crippling at times. It’s why I roll so deep.
Z: People always say, “Well, try to associate a name with some other word, something that rhymes”? But I tried that, and now it’s like, every time I see Nas, I think “Cos,” right?
Z: Like Nas is on Picture Pages or some shit. Anyway. You here to watch the show?
CM: No, we’re singing together, mate! Blimeny gee!
Z: Oh, yeah! I forgot about that. You want Foxy’s verse on “Ain’t No”?
CM: Actually, we have a song together!
Z: We do?
CM: Chippery hee, we certainly do! It’s a plaintive piano ballad about hunger in Germany. We called it “Stitch In Time (Saves Nein).”
Z: Ah. Right. We stickin’ with that title?
CM: Bet your buggers we are! And I think I know someone very special who’d like to sing it with us. Have you met my bird, Gwyneth?
(Jay-Z peers at Paltrow)
CM: It’s British slang, for “girl.”
Z: Yeah, right, but…
CM: But you didn’t think that, did you?
CM: You thought she was an actual walking, talking bird, right?
CM: Well, don’t wanker your bangers over it, chap. It happens. A lot.