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The popularity of the rock cruise, where you and a handful of your favorite band’s fans shell out a bunch of money for the opportunity to cram into overpriced cabins and catch some shows, mystifies us a bit–when we want to get away from it all, we tend to go to venues where the only music is made by crickets, or wind, or our teeth grinding while we sleep. But more bands seem to be getting on board with this waterlogged trend, so we figured we’d look at four of the intentionally rocking boats that will set sail over the next few months.
The cruise: Jam Cruise.
Lineup includes: Derek Trucks Band, Galactic, Burning Spear, and an oddly high number of bands named after various foodstuffs.
Planned events: Yoga, “Tea Time With Gomez” (the band?), Texas Hold ‘Em tournament.
Probable amenities: Hacky-sacks, good vibes, endless soloing.
You’ll get seasick because: Thinking about all the food shout-outs at once–biscuits, Spam, green tea, bananas–will get your digestive juices pumping.
The cruise: Vince Neil’s Motley Cruise.
Lineup includes: Vince Neil’s band. (No, not Motley Crue.)
Planned events: “The Hooters Girls Girls Girls Bikini Contest,” wine tasting featuring wines from Vince Vineyards, Texas Hold ‘Em tournament.
Likely amenities: On-board detox center.
You’ll get seasick because: Pounding a bottle of Jack Daniels before the boat hits choppy waters rarely ends well.
The cruise: The Rock Boat.
Lineup includes: Sister Hazel, Better Than Ezra, Collective Soul.
Planned events: Meet and greets, Texas Hold ‘Em tournament.
Likely amenities: A 1999 calendar.
You’ll get seasick because: Time travel really fucks with your head.
The cruise: Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Gimme Three Days” cruise.
Lineup includes: Lynyrd Skynyrd, Drivin N Cryin.
Planned events: None are announced yet, but something tells us that there will be a Texas Hold ‘Em tournament.
Likely amenities: We’re really hoping that everyone gets one of these.
You’ll get seasick because: People are going to be yelling “Freebird!!!” the entire time.
Because you’ve never seen a more rockin’ bunch of guys than those at a cruise line’s Texas hold ‘em table.
Sister Hazel and Collective Soul? Damn, they should change the Rock…, and that cruise would be totally There For You.
Does everyone who goes on the vince neil cruise get an extreme vagina makeover as well?
…..Any of these would be a welcome change from the little band they had at Doc Holliday’s on the Carnival Cruise I took last month. Band was clicking along on a cover of Roy Orbison’s “Pretty Woman,” when the guitar player’s guitar cable fell out of the socket. While he was fumbling around to pick it up and plug it back in, the guitar part coming though the PA never stopped. Whoops! Pulled an Ashlee! And they wouldn’t play Freebird, or Shout at the Devil, either. Lame.
The chosen acts seem to be obviously directed to the slighty aging but willing to spend money to feel younger age group that cruises want to attract. Although I find it hard to believe that fans of Collective Soul and Better than Ezra have a lot of expendable income. This is reason 2453 I am never boarding a cruiseship.
Speaking of the 1990s, how about if the boys from Oasis and Evan Dando skip the cruise ship and just try and run a cigarette boat to Miami full of smack?
I don’t think I would enjoy that trip, but I would like to see it on teevee.
Methinks Vince Neal is being a bit disingenuous with that cruise name; there’s gonna be a lot of disappointed people on that boat.
Kinda wonder how long it’s gonna take them to air out the ship after the jam cruise. That’s sure to be one pungent boat.
I’m holding out for the “Our Band Could be Your Life” Cruise, 2008, featuring Sonic Youth, D. Jr., Mission of Burma, serveral other band reunions featuring Mike Watt on bass, and of course Texas Hold ‘Em.
…..You know, Vince DID put a good band together once, in 1993. He had the Bissonnet gang banging out the beat, and Steve Stevens contributing awesome liquid metal licks, AND NO ONE CARED. They were all hypnotized by Prozac and Curt Cobain. Metal died, and we were left with little boy bands like Backstreet and N’stink.
no hate no hard feelings keep at it
My wife and I are considering going for a Carnival Cruise vacation into Progresso, Mexico, together with Cozumel. It is a five Day vacation leaving out of Mobile. Anyone have experience with this particular cruise? My spouse and i can’t dig up many details with reference to Progresso