The popularity of the rock cruise, where you and a handful of your favorite band’s fans shell out a bunch of money for the opportunity to cram into overpriced cabins and catch some shows, mystifies us a bit–when we want to get away from it all, we tend to go to venues where the only music is made by crickets, or wind, or our teeth grinding while we sleep. But more bands seem to be getting on board with this waterlogged trend, so we figured we’d look at four of the intentionally rocking boats that will set sail over the next few months.
The cruise: Jam Cruise.
Lineup includes: Derek Trucks Band, Galactic, Burning Spear, and an oddly high number of bands named after various foodstuffs.
Planned events: Yoga, “Tea Time With Gomez” (the band?), Texas Hold ‘Em tournament.
Probable amenities: Hacky-sacks, good vibes, endless soloing.
You’ll get seasick because: Thinking about all the food shout-outs at once–biscuits, Spam, green tea, bananas–will get your digestive juices pumping.
The cruise: Vince Neil’s Motley Cruise.
Lineup includes: Vince Neil’s band. (No, not Motley Crue.)
Planned events: “The Hooters Girls Girls Girls Bikini Contest,” wine tasting featuring wines from Vince Vineyards, Texas Hold ‘Em tournament.
Likely amenities: On-board detox center.
You’ll get seasick because: Pounding a bottle of Jack Daniels before the boat hits choppy waters rarely ends well.
The cruise: The Rock Boat.
Lineup includes: Sister Hazel, Better Than Ezra, Collective Soul.
Planned events: Meet and greets, Texas Hold ‘Em tournament.
Likely amenities: A 1999 calendar.
You’ll get seasick because: Time travel really fucks with your head.
The cruise: Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Gimme Three Days” cruise.
Lineup includes: Lynyrd Skynyrd, Drivin N Cryin.
Planned events: None are announced yet, but something tells us that there will be a Texas Hold ‘Em tournament.
Likely amenities: We’re really hoping that everyone gets one of these.
You’ll get seasick because: People are going to be yelling “Freebird!!!” the entire time.