(A few weeks ago, we ran an email from Joanna Newsom’s harp, Mildred; that missive was heavily forwarded around the alt.arcane-instruments usenet group, and late last night we received word that Sting’s 16th-century lute, Edmonton, wanted use post an open letter on Idolator.com. Edmonton’s following unedited remarks are in reference this year’s expected Police reunion):
Dearest Idolators,
Greetings! ‘Tis I, Edmonton, a skilled proprietor of public discourse, here to address thee with a written declarations of tidings!
Just kidding. You seriously think that a lute would talk like that? Just because I peaked it in the 15th century doesn’t mean I relive it every day. Trust me, whenever Sumner gives interviews talking like he just stepped out of a community-playhouse staging of The Canterbury Tales, I hang my neck in shame. Or I try to, anyway–it’s kind of hard to move, cause he’s usually feelin’ on me like he’s gonna burst.
Speaking of Gordo: Where the crap is the love? Things were going good for us: We had the classical charts on lockdown, we were on Charlie Rose and Studio 60, and all those “Lute! There it is!” jokes weren’t even bothering me anymore.
But now you want to get back together with those chumps you hated for years. Why? It’s not like you need the money–you’re the only guy I’ve met who was his 400-thread yoga mats airlifted in every day. And besides, those guys don’t understand where you’re at nowadays–they haven’t been there the way I have, up at 3 in the morning when you’re trying to make “Canary In A Coalmine” work with two harpsichordists and a lamb-pipe flute. They don’t know how we do.
So use it or lose it, pal. I’m not gonna wait around forever, and I can get my fret waxed elsewhere, If you catch my drift.
XO,
Edmonton
Earlier: Pull The Strings: A Letter From Joanna Newsom’s Harp
Sincerely, a Police reunion MAY actually be worthwhile. I mean, of all the possible reunion scenarios this one seems the most attractive of the lot. I’m sure tickets will be nearly impossible to get and expensive to say the least…but, I’d be willing to shell out the bucks. Perhaps the best thing about this is that Stewart Copeland can FINALLY stop his incessant campaigning for it. Additionally, he might actually consider ceasing the “hey, I used to be in a band with ___________” thing that makes otherwise talented musicians like Chris Novoselic and Ray Manzarek sound utterly DESPERATE and FOOLISH. They never really were a tight live act, but they’re still reasonably able enough to pull it off so I’ll attend…but, no “Voices Inside My Head”–and I fucking walk.
Hey, Jude, when would you walk? Before the encore? Somehow I doubt they’d save “Voices…” for the big finale with the “Every Breath You Take”/”…Little Thing She Does Is Magic” singalong.
Speaking figuratively. This is likely a greatest hits tour. I’d be chagrined, but I don’t honestly expect them to play it. It’d be nice though…
Meant figuratively. This is likely a greatest hits thing–pretty sure there’s no realistic shot of them even playing it. It’d be nice though…
Wow! I sure hope they play “Don’t Stand So Close To Me ’86″ !
Don’t kid–it’ll happen.