As we mentioned last week, we’ve committed our share of hackily spewed-out music-blog prose. So, in an effort to avoid future missteps–and to atone for past violations–we proudly present our banned-word list. After the click-through, an assortment of lazy shorthand and icky slang that we hope to never see again.
Douchebag – Its short-lived revival should have ended somewhere in December of 2004; under no circumstances is the word or any of its permutations (douchebaggy, doucheydoo, etc.) to be used, unless as part of a direct quote.
Driven – As in “guitar-driven,” “Mellotron-driven,” or VH1′s Driven.
Random – To be used only when discussing a matter in which unknown forces affect some sort of outcome (i.e. the lottery, biblical frogstorms). Not to be used when “some random band” opened for another band. It’s not random.
Retarded – Come on.
Totally – As in, “We are totally into this new Mellotron-driven sound.” Really? Is there that big of a difference between being into something, and being totally into something? Are there degrees of totality of which we’re unaware?
“What do you guys think?” – You’ve written a post, stated an opinion, and left a space for comments. So why end every entry with a call for people to respond? Do you really think of them as dullwit meerkats, unsure of whether or not they’re allowed to stop drooling and start writing back? Or are you just completely wishy-washy?
Y’all – Unless the writer happens to be either a) Kelly Clarkson or b) a 14-year-old girl, in no instance should they use this familiarity-assuming term of endearment. The same goes for “‘kay?” and, of course, an ironic-because-it’s outdated “OMG!!”
That’s the list so far. What do you guys think?
2 Live Crew – Banned In The U.S.A. [MP3, link expired]
Is Meercat Manor making “meerkat” your go-to senseless creature?
Meerkats are one of the few species not listed on the government’s “Joke-Callback Extinction List.”
Whoah. What? What about beluga whales?
As long as we keep beluga references within the context of a Britney cheapshot, we’re in the clear.
I’m sorry, I can’t get on board with the dismissal of personal favorites like “douchebag,” “retarded” and “totally.” They are fun to type and fun to say and I’m frankly surprised Idolator is taking a killjoy approach to their continued usage.
OMG … The way y’all are acting like douchebags with the random, banned words is retarded, ‘kay? This list is totally corporate-driven. What do you guys think?
Ever seen the comments section at cuteoverload? Treasure trove.
anything described as TK-esque. Fucking lazy-ass shite, that.
Aww, not even Douch-accent-e (as seen on Gawker)?
Love the reasoning behind dumping the word “Random.” The opening act is never random, that is, unless there was no opening act and someone came up to the mic and said “hey, can anyone here play? I mean TOTALLY play?” And then a band from the crowd jumped on stage to perform.
I feel an exemotion from any sort of Douchebag Ban should be made in the case of Jon Stewart, and the rest of the Daily Show team. I’m not terribly attached to the word, and don’t use it very often at all myself.
However, I am very, very guilty of abusing “totally” and to a far lesser extent “random.” I will consider trying to cut back, but I don’t really see that big a reason to completely eliminate either one.
What if “y’all” is used as a regional vernacular (third person plural) instead of a term of endearment? Otherwise I’m screaming anti-Southern bias. It is possible to use that word without sounding like Britney after a handle of Grey Goose.
Can we add the word “exclusive” in the context of an mp3 download? The minute something exclusive is released onto the world wide web, it stops being exclusive. Call it what it is — the first listen, the internet debut, anything but exclusive. The Ted Leo exclusive on Pitchfork yesterday, is on Paper Thin Walls today. Some exclusive.
I second Ted Striker’s comment. I use it unconsciously in daily conversation because I was around it for the last 18 years of my life, and I think (THINK) that, with the proper tone (i.e. not Britney’s) it can be pulled off casually and possibly (hopefully) unnoticed.
a douchebag is a hygienic product; i take that as a compliment.
retarded = out
retarted = in
Y’all from the South get a pass, no doubt. Also banned: “No doubt.”
I don’t know if you guys at Idolator are guilty of this one, but I want to impale my face on the keyboard every time I read the phrase…
‘sophomore effort’.
I would ask that an exception be granted for “douchebaggery”
I’m afraid that “douchebag”–in all its forms–has to go. The problem is the word’s ubiquity: A few years ago, it was used in reference to a certain type of smarmy, unknowingly assholish, machismo-fueled sort of behavior. Now it’s used for everyone: “Man, the professor held class for five extra minutes. What a digeridouche!” Its lost its zing.
What if we put it on layaway for a year? In the meantime, we’re open to a replacement. For example, have you called anyone a “boob” lately? It’s a little Mad magazine, I admit, but it gets a reaction.
I’m with Paul on “douchebag,” especially since I just used it in a preview of that Taste of Chaos tour about to slime its way across the U.S.A. next month.
You all (and the contraction Y’all) is part of the language because English makes no distinction between ‘You’ (second person singular) and ‘You’ (second person plural). I would argue for Y’all in the case where 2nd person plural was indicated, as in the sentence “what do y’all think?”
Usages that should be banned: 1. Y’all when addressing one person. This is a northerner’s mistake; any properly brought up southerner knows the difference. 2. The phrase ‘Yes Yes Y’all’ unless you are a Geto Boy. 3. When used by white people to sound black.
I know how seductive Ebonics can be, but honestly, talk the way your mother taught you. You just sound ignorant, especially to black folks, when you try out your Butterfly McQueen.
Oh, I do have a nomination though. Stop using “whatnot.”
I second chaircrusher’s amendment. I use y’all all the time, and it’s for exactly the reason chaircrusher states – English needs a second person plural, and y’all beats yous (the locution I grew up with in Bensonhurst) any day.
Yeah, I’m also going to call bullshit on banning “y’all” used, as chaircrusher helpfully pointed out, 2nd person plural. Really, what are the options? “You people” is ridiculous, and “You guys” gets right on my tits for all sorts of reasons. I suppose I could type “You all” but, really, why? It’s the internet.
What about douchetard?
Maura, to reiterate my point from above, better you should use y’all than yous. I dunno if you grew up in a part of Lawn Guyland with as large a goombah quotient as I did in Brooklyn, but as a fellow New Yorker, I’m telling you, I think we should be allowed to say y’all in lieu of that other bastard locution.
As far as I’m concerned, y’all is a contraction (a legitimate English form) of two legitimate English words and hence, available to all.
Was it a slow news day, guys? We’re banning words now? Isn’t this how Kim Jong-Il got started? Or Rosie O’Donnell?
Oh, and did you intentionally base your list of words on The Ten Most Commonly Used Words on Stereogum, or is it just a coincidence?
If Idolator bans “y’all” when it is used correctly, then we are going to be stuck with “you guys” which is infinitely worse.
This may be off-topic, but can we talk about two of the most overused words by rock critics (if not bloggers):
arguably
seminal
I’m probably gun shy from reading too much Robert Hilburn (among others), but I can’t hear those words any more without laughing – and I laugh so that I do not cry.
Anyway…
perhaps i should try a movement to get people to use ‘vous’ when referring to the second-person plural. or are we still too close to the freedom-fries era for it to take off?
If a northerner can say “y’all” without otherwise aping a generalized southern accent, that’s great. I can’t avoid mimicking the accent and therefore avoid the contraction.
I propose that our Idolators start a revival of “wicked” as an emphatic adjective. Growing up in Boston, “wicked” was more commonly used than the f-bomb to modify another adjective. “Wicked pisser” (or “wikkitpissa”) as a general superlative remains reserved for the mallrats with lifetime memberships in the WAAF 107.3 fan club — but it would be fun to hear Ben Affleck start dropping that phrase into some interviews.
Idolator can have my “ya’ll” when it pries it from my cold, dead, Southern fingers.
friends, i am banned from using ‘y’all’ because i am from long island. the only time i’ve spent more than four consecutive days south of the mason-dixon line was when i went to disney world. as an eight-year-old.
i do (ab)use “you guys,” though, and i really need to stop that as well.
I like the “boob” suggestion, Brian. Another that I’ve found handy is “twit.”
In the same way that I find myself stealing my Dad’s old blazers, now I’m stealing his insults too. The circle of life continues…
Hey, I’m from Jersey. The way I see it, if you put the kibosh on y’all, then I’m stuck resurrecting “youz guys.” *sigh* Kind of makes me nostalgic for the 1983 Z28 I had back in the day – T-tops rule!
“I propose that our Idolators start a revival of “wicked” as an emphatic adjective. “
I was talking to a friend in Boston about a really great, encyclopedic website, and encouraged them to check it out.
A short time later, I get an email that said (in part),
“oh yeah, went looking for that site you told me about, but i couldn’t find it. i even googled it, no luck. are you sure it’s called “wickedpedia.org”?
HELL no you’re not taking away my y’all, Miss Maura!
what if a bunch of bands get together backstage and roll dice, flip coins, or draw straws to decide who is the opening act?