Idolator’s American Idolatry: When “You’re Going To Hollywood” Doesn’t Mean Much

Welcome to Idolator’s American Idolatry, our episode-by-episode recap of the ratings steamroller that is American Idol. Last night’s episode covered the auditions at the Rose Bowl, resulting in Randy’s excitable “You’re going to Hollywood!!!” exclamation being unintentionally funny. (This may be why last night’s episode didn’t focus too heavily on people who were sent through to the next round.)

After the jump, a look at a panther trapped in a man’s body (above), an overzealous stage mom, and a tearjerker of an audition that’s already launched at least one online petition.

You’d think Ryan Seacrest was the only person enshrined on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame; for some reason, the Idol producers decided to give his star a loving close-up not once, but twice. Perhaps they feel that they still have to convince America that Seacrest really does have star quality? After all, it’s not like he’s the only Idol personality enshrined on the walk.

Also: The music underscoring the opening sequence? “California Love.”

HARDEST-LUCK CONTESTANT: Sherman Pore was over the age limit by about 26 years, but he didn’t let that stop him; he came in with a petition and a story, telling the judges that his girlfriend–who had helped him prepare for the audition and work on a “let him try out” petition–had died of cancer the Friday before the audition. The judges let him try out, and he sang a sweet “You Belong To Me” that made Paula cry; there’s already a petition to bring him back, and we have to say that his voice is a lot more pleasant than most of the melismatic chickadees that have been given a Hollywood pass over the past few weeks.

MOST ILL-ADVISED TACTIC FOR “STANDING OUT”: The show opened with Martik Manoukian (above), who, before his audition, decided to show off his panther impersonation, complete with sound-effect-”enhanced” striptease, meowing, and prowling around the room. He sang–well, yowled–an original song through a microphone that he kept in his pocket. (And here we thought he was just happy to see Paula.)

THE COUNTDOWN TO A BREAKUP STARTS NOW: Sure, Cavett “Sparkles” Carr and her boyfriend, Darold Gray, were well-matched in the “lousy voice” department, but Sparkles forgot the key rule of ambitious couples: If you’re auditioning right before your boyfriend, it’s probably not a good idea to give Simon flirtatious attention after your disastrous performance. (After him is a different story, of course.)

MOOOOOMM, YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME: Marianne Riccio’s mom, who was a backup singer for Dean Martin back in the day, proudly told the Idol cameras that her daughter’s singing career started “when she came out of my womb.” And after Marianne’s miserable take on “Should I Stay Or Should I Go” was roundly panned by the judges, the senior Riccio came into the room to argue her daughter’s case. Because that always helps.

THROWING THE INTERNET A BONE: It’s always a treat to hear “Peanut Butter Jelly Time,” and Sophat Peou delivered–he even wore a banana costume. Too bad the dude had absolutely no rhythm, even with the maracas.

PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: A surprisingly low 2/10. It seemed like Newton-John’s presence tempered Paula a bit–perhaps she’d been promised a case of Koala Blue Shiraz if she behaved.

American Idol [americanidol.com]
Earlier: Idolator’s American Idolatry archives