Special Guest Columnist: Weasel, The Puppy Born Without Ears, Has Some Dogged Questions About The State Of Alt-Rock

weasel.jpgFrom time to time, Idolator solicits commentaries from the general public. And once again, we’re briefly turning the site over to Weasel, the puppy born without ears. Weasel has some interesting things to say, and we hope you’ll make him feel right at home.

Hello, I am Weasel, the puppy born without ears.

I have no ears.

And yet, despite this, I have persevered with trying to develop a sense of sound. It is a painful process, and sometimes it makes me scratch my head in frustration, causing my jagged nails to dig into my gaping, unprotected ear-hole.

Lord, how it do hurt.

But I keep at it, for listening to your human-sounds may allow me to better understand your behavior. And so last night, I went on your elbo.ws site, where I found this song by someone named Dntel. I then borrowed the whole album from one of your Idolators, and played it several times, listening as the light, electronic sounds were accompanied by such singers as Bright Eyes, Jenny Lewis, and someone named Grizzly Bear, who is not an actual bear.

And as I nodded my earless head, I thought to myself: Are you guys serious with this shit?

Again: I am but a newborn puppy, and even I am aware that the “anti-yup-rock” tirade is fourteen years old (at least in dog years). But I can’t help but raise a whimper at the fact that so many of you have become so–how can I say this?–completely ball-less. Do you even care anymore? I mean, I like the mellow stuff sometimes, but everyone seems to lazily surrender to whatever non-intrusive weenie-rock that Paste and Stereogum poop up their nose.

Did I get that right? Still learning human anatomy. Sorry.

Look, I realize it’s not really that big of a deal. There are more important things to worry about, like Iraq, where people are dying every day, and where the only things the Sunnis and Shiites can agree upon is that listening to Conor Oberst mew over a bunch of lullaby-background music is an affront to the creator. But this album is the summation of everything wrong with circa-2007 alt-rock, and when I listen to it, it makes my stomach clutch in pain, as if a million dog-whistles were being blown at once.

Not that I could hear that.

Woof!

WTPBWE

 
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  1. Emerson Dameron  |   Posted on Mar 7th, 2007

    And, with that, Weasel finally breaks down my defenses. Have a doggy treat, Weasel.

  2. PengIn  |   Posted on Mar 7th, 2007

    Weasel is once again spot on with his commentary. I guess there’s the Invaders comp and… uh… the bands who were on the Invaders comp.

  3. statolith  |   Posted on Mar 7th, 2007

    Oh, how I love Weasel.

  4. Weezy F Baby  |   Posted on Mar 7th, 2007

    that picture warms my heart

    and yeah, this record is weak.. the lali puna song is the only one that resembles dntel before he fell in with the OC set.

  5. janine  |   Posted on Mar 7th, 2007

    I’m going to go ahead and say that it kind of is important. I always thought there was something reactionary and exclusive about weenie rock. As if it’s some refined taste you can only understand if you’re middle class or upper middle class, like chipped beef.

  6. drjimmy11  |   Posted on Mar 7th, 2007

    Conor Oberst is an easy target. However, if you take the time to listen to his music, you will note that its really really good– thousands of miles more advanced than most “indie rock” (who decided to bust the term “alt-rock” out of mothballs for this??)

    something reactionary and exclusive about weenie rock
    How can music be reactionary and exclusive? it’s music. you either like it and listen to it, or don’t and don’t.

    And if anyone is “ball-less,” its the people pushing that TV on the Radio crap as some kind of great music. Seriously, it’s awful. And Arcade Fire are the very epitome of forgettable nothing rock. So why are we picking on people who are actually good?

  7. Emerson Dameron  |   Posted on Mar 7th, 2007

    Really, it always comes down to taste. The earless dog explains his taste in a funny, biting way. By contrast, your Oberst/Jenny Lewis apologies are rather obtuse and humorless.

    Bright eyes is “really good” and “advanced”? How so? In the same way that TV On The Radio is “awful”?

  8. janine  |   Posted on Mar 7th, 2007

    @drjimmy11: You’re right. I should have said there’s something reactionary and exclusive about weenie rock fans.

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