Every Tuesday night, starry-eyed young girls and pantless old men settle down for another episode of the CW’s latest reality show, Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll. Our guide to last night’s finale after the click-through.

Highlights From Episode 8:

- Finally, this moment is here, the night that millions of Americans have been waiting for. That’s right–only one week until Veronica Mars returns! In the meantime, there’s some show on about searching for a cat toy or something.

-To fill up time, the producers front-load the show with clips reminding us in which pigeonhole the final three girls belong. Chelsea = former fatty; Asia = current mommy; Melissa R. = completely forgettable. It makes us realize (sadly) that there really was no need to watch the previous seven episodes.

- Robin Antin congratulates the girls on making the final three, then pauses, before offering this further observation: “It’s weird right? There’s only three of you.” Our guess? She was counting during the pause.

- As a group, the girls are assigned “Lady Marmalade.” Individually, each girl will perform various Pussycat Doll songs, including “I Don’t Need A Man,” “Feeling Good,” and “Stickwitu.” Apparently, “You Ain’t My Pal(imony)” and “Sorry, Eye-Lash At You, Girl” were taken.

- The girls have a huge blow-out at four in the morning over we’re not quite sure what, and all the drama is captured on night-vision cameras. Melissa R. tells Asia to go to anger management, while Asia tells Melissa R. “to go to psychology and find out who she is.” Dang! Actually, just “dang.”

- Asia and Melissa R. go at it (again) during dance rehearsals the next day, and it strikes us that the only one way to solve this problem is to have a dance-off. But no, the girls make nice in the end, so that their performances don’t suffer. Still, you have to admit a dance-off would have been pretty awesome.

- At the final performance, all three girls handle their songs impressively, although Melissa R. cracks her “Lady Marmalade” notes a bit. During the deliberations, the judges dub Chelsea “a chameleon,” Melissa R. “special and unique,” and Asia “a star.” We go on thesaurus.com to find another word for “under-underwhelmed.”

- Robin gets teary-eyed and congratulates all three on finding their inner Pussycat Doll, but then swiftly ejects Chelsea from the competition, leaving Asia and Melissa R. Chelsea heads off to the side and presumably cracks open a package of Ho-Ho’s.

- And the winner is….Asia! Mark McGrath removes her boa (and his dignity), and hands Asia a microphone as the Pussycat Dolls arrive to perform with their newest member. Dontcha wish you had never bothered with this show? Dontcha?