Welcome to Idolator’s American Idolatry, in which we look at the cultural phenomenon that is American Idol. Last night’s show featured the remaning four contestants taking on the Bee Gees’ catalog, with results that were decidedly lacking.
Yes, the Bee Gees songbook is full of fine tracks–but are they good Idol songs? Aside from “To Love Somebody,” which Jordin sang and which is pretty much a gimme, the group’s songbook needs a) someone with a powerful falsetto or b) lots of backing-vocal oomph or c) a truly original re-arrangement in order for their performance to truly work.
And that re-arrangement should not, in most cases, include beatboxing.
Putting the remaining Idols on it, then, almost seemed cruel, and the alarm shown by Barry Gibb during many of this week’s introductory segments only added to that feeling. (Although maybe it’s because he couldn’t imagine a woman singing any song of his that hadn’t been written for Barbra Streisand–the number of intro segments in which he started a sentence by saying something like “I couldn’t imagine a woman singing this…” had to have added up to at least 50%.)
Also: Why did no one do “Tragedy”? It would have at least fit last night’s mood.
MELINDA (“Love You Inside Out”/”How Can You Mend a Broken Heart”): Melinda’s first performance was fine–a little blah, but again, the song she picked, “Love You Inside Out,” wasn’t your typical Idol crowd-burner. The judges were pretty unimpressed, though–Simon even threw out the b-word (“background”) in his critique. Her second performance was stronger, thanks to an oomphy ending, but last night was her first real stumble.
BLAKE (“You Should Be Dancin’”/”This Is Where I Came In”): If only Sublime’s Brad Lowell Nowell hadn’t died 11 years ago–he’d be the perfect match for Blake, who turned his second pick, the 2001 track “This Is Where I Came In,” into a track that sounded tailor-made for that band’s next album. Hey, maybe the remaining members of the band should take him on tour! His beatboxing would undoubtedly tickle the nostalgic funnybones of whatever drunken college kids stumbled into the show.
The first performance? The less said about it, the better–let’s just say that it incorporated off-key falsetto, beatboxing, and a jacket that looked like it was left over from My Chemical Romance’s last video shoot. Yeesh.
LAKISHA (“Stayin’ Alive”/”Run to Me”): While her slightly slowed-down take on “Stayin’ Alive” got low points from the judges, we actually kind of liked it–maybe it was because we couldn’t stop thinking of her backstory during the song. But Simon referred to it as “scary,” and Randy called it “weird,” prompting our viewing companion to wonder if the mix in the studio was different than the mix being beamed out across America. Lakisha’s “Run To Me” was sort of boring, and ended on a flat note; that said, she was definitely better than Blake, and probably benefited from going on right after him.
JORDIN (“To Love Somebody”/”Woman in Love”): It’s pretty obvious why Jordin fought so hard to sing “To Love Somebody”–her Aguilera’d up take on the song drew out Mariah Carey and Aretha Franklin comparisons from Randy, and Paula managed to spit out that Jordin’s performance was the best of the night so far. But in her second performance she took on Barbra Streisand, and she just couldn’t measure up–her vocals were sloppy, whingey, and often flat, and it only added to what Simon referred to as the “pageant contestant” feel of the performance. (Jordin, if you’re reading this, stop ironing your hair! It ages you and isn’t flattering at all.)
WHO WE VOTED FOR: Nobody.
WHO AMERICA WILL PROBABLY CUT: We have no idea. It could be Blake, who was abysmal, and whose beatboxing gimmick is finally trying at least two of the judges’ patience; it could be Lakisha, who skated by last week thanks to the “Idol Gives Back” grace period; it could be Melinda in a shocker. It probably won’t be Jordin, if only because the “best vocal tonight” accolades from the judges will still ring in voters’ minds.
PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: 9.9/10. We couldn’t understand what she was saying a good chunk of the time, her eyeshadow was about to annex her forehead, and she called Blake “contemporary” yet again.
American Idol [americanidol.com]
Earlier: Idolator’s American Idolatry archives
[Photo via Reality TV Magazine]
@Mr. Feller: Is it though? I thought the correct pronunciation was: “that dude from Sublime.” It’s not like he said Led Zeppelin was fronted by Robert Grant.
@Mr. Feller: Um, you are kind of a stupidface. I mean, “Lakrapsha”? Are you twelve? I bet you really love XBOX Live, too, huh?
And God forbid anybody defame the hallowed Sublime! It sucks the dude died, but junkies stopped being cool when everybody realized William Burroughs sucks.
I actually liked LaKisha’s Stayin’ Alive, mostly because I expect so little from her, and I thought Blake’s second song was okay.
My favorite part of the evening was the audience member who brought in a big sign that said CAN’T DECIDE! and had everyone’s name on it. Way to announce you’re ambiguity! with conviction!
Hopefully the .1 point that Paula got for understandability came from her echoing of what a number of commentators said yesterday: “Why the hell didn’t someone do Jive Talkin’?
I thought the judges last night were way off the mark. I couldn’t even watch the final 2 songs because I knew we were going to get more the schlocky shite that Jordin sung in her first song. I can’t believe the judges praised her for that, but I need to just accept that they stopped thinking music was worth listening to after early 90s Whitney Houston.
I thought LaKisha’s performance of Stayin’ Alive was the best of the night. She slowed it down and made that over-played cheesefest of a song actually listenable. I liked Melinda’s first song, but that is probably in large part because I was hearing the Feist version of it in my head. That said, I thought it was one of the best songs she has sung all season. Her second choice was the same old diva oversinging BS.
I hate Blake. Never want to hear from him again. Still, I will give him slight credit for being the first contestant on the show who’s preferred genre of music is “Club Anthems.” Daughtry made every song into that same neo-grunge rock; Blake makes them all “Justified” club tracks. At least its not another Celine or Mariah or Melinda.
Songs I can’t believe we didn’t hear:
Lonely Days
Holiday
I Started A Joke
Tragedy (mentioned above, but it deserves to be reiterated)
Jive Talking (I really thought that Blake would beatbox on this because, for once, it would be appropriate)
…..I had planned not to watch this, as I absolutely despised the disco-era Bee Gees. I got sucked in, though, when my wife was watching it and I accidentally yanked the cord out of my metal-blasting headphone amp. (Joe Satriani, Surfing with the Alien, was what got cut off.)
…..I thought it was refreshing to hear the ladies singing this stuff, because their voices naturally operate in the register the Gibbs tried to sing in. In my opinion, this made the songs a lot more listenable. I had never noticed before that a lot of the stuff is well-written. I just never got past the awful vocals. I guess it’s tonality before songwriting, for me.
…..That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if Blake won. He’s the only contestant left with video-friendly looks. He’s pretty decent at the beat-boxing thing, if that’s your bag. I can definitely see this style being all Pro-Toolzed up and packaged for the pre-teen girl set. Britney couldn’t sing worth a crap without processing, (really, not even then) and look how many units she sold…
…..Singing-talent-wise, it’ll be a travesty if Melinda Doolittle doesn’t win. She’s a LOT better than any of the others.
My feelings on the bottom two:
Blake’s rendition of “You Should Be Dancing” was dreadful, but I actually liked his “This Is Where I Came In”; beatboxing aside, it was a good fit for him.
I am tired of LaKisha yelling. Yelling bothers me much more than beatboxing, and she does it all the damn time. I want her to go away.
if melinda wins, the AI talent agency is not going to know what to do with her. if they were smart, they would have her make an Amy Winehouse record. they are not smart, though, so they’re going to mismanage it into some scrubbed-up wedding band soul album.
it boggles my mind the limited spectrum of music the judges seem to be familiar with. no one ever gets any kudos for restrained performances, which is getting to be kind of a drag. i really like watching this show, but there seems to be only one way to go about singing anything, and it’s getting tiring. i think it also reinforces a lot of utterly false ideas the American populace has about what constitutes “good singing.” i’m sure this has probably been a long string of “duh!” statements, but still.
ok, ok. They were all HORRIBLE. It’s true. But can anyone imagine a final 3 with the jordkishlinda clones? I know they have some differences, but I for one don’t feel like tuning in for Divafest 2007. At least Blake brings some variety, even when he wears bad (and I do mean BAD) jackets.
the funny thing is, i wouldnt even hate blake if he didnt do all that beatboxing shit.
This needs to be repeated: “I need to just accept that [the judges] stopped thinking music was worth listening to after early 90s Whitney Houston.”
@joe bananas: DING!DING!DING! Comment of the day. (Re: Melinda / AI talent agency stumped / Amy Winehouse record vs. wedding band soul)
Don’t you see that Porky Cowell has a secret- dare i use the word cunning?-plan.
He will take the three fat ladies and make them tour together forever.
And he will give them the name The Three Degrees. (oh, is that taken already?)
So maybe he’ll get sponsorship and call them the Three Leancuisines then.
If Il Divo, with that astoundingly smarmy man who seems not soprano, not alto, merely lothario, can make cash, then perhaps the Leancuisines can do it. Perhaps they’ll make LeanyBabies out of them.
No one will ever make any money out of Blake. Not even Blake.
The bigger problem worrying Porky Cowell is that he fears he can’t make money out of any of them.
He’s clearly gambling on Melinda being his cash, er, cow.
And, with what else is on offer, who can blame him?
Remember that in the Brit version a very, very fat girl who could sing actually won the thing.
And disappeared without trace. She’s probably running a fish and chip shop now. What else can one say, other than please watch the Jazz play the Warriors tonight. We cannot let the untalented white men win anything tonight.
Last night was the first time I ever liked Blake. He’s riding the Timberlake coattails so hard that he’s been deposited back in some part of the 1980s–somewhere between Duran Duran and I don’t even KNOW what, maybe Bell Biv Devoe? Which is to say–I’ve finally decided there’s a musical intelligence there and I kinda dig it.