Show-Offy Guitarist Vais For “Ugliest Album Cover The Year” Crown

Is that….what the hell is that? And what’s up the hair?

Wow. An album cover worse than the one on the new Smashing Pumpkins’ record.

Yet, not as ugly or as busy as the cover of PASSION and WARFARE…boy was that a mess…

Yeah, but think of the market for this shit: guys who read guitar magazines. We’re talking about men (almost exclusively) from a bygone era that enjoy extensive guitar solos, practice their finger-tapping technique and love their long hair so much that many of them habitually make a play at maintaining it long after male pattern baldness has taken its toll. They don’t care about the songs on a Steve Vai record, no; they’re into it for the “shredding”.

Take all this into account and that cover art looks just about right.

Lest we forget:

I wouldn’t call Satch and Vai competitors, considering they are best friends and frequent touring partners.

the ‘eye’ standing for the ‘i’ in ‘vai’ is truly puke-worthy

…..I kinda lost track of Vai and Satriani after 1990. “Surfing with the Alien,” and “Passion and Warfare” were awesome disks. The “wow” factor will only carry you so far, though, and I didn’t get as wowed by the follow-ups.

…..Vai REALLY ticked me off back in the mid-80s. See, around 1984 or so, I took my wine-red, pre-CBS strat apart, took the body down to the basement, and over a couple of weeks, put about 50 coats of lime-green paint on it, then a finisher. With the black pickguard, the green, and the maple neck, I thought I had a pretty unique-looking axe.

…..I had been throwing oak pallets for a living, and was in decent shape. I found a matching lime-green tank top. I had the Lip Service leather pants. I had steel-shod boots. I FINALLY had my hair right, and REALLY long. THEN, Vai comes along a year or so later, with the green/black thing going on, and was SO much a better player than I was… Damn. him.

…..How could he have gone from such a great look, to that thing in the picture above?

Oh — and unless you’re a rapper, you look like a giant douche when you wear sunglasses on your album cover.

No — scratch that — especially you’re a rapper, you look like a giant douche when you wear sunglasses on your album cover.

You have to trade in all your good taste for that seventh string on your guitar.

@Mick Kraut: I thought the EXACT SAME THING.

@AcidReign: You destroyed a pre-CBS Stratocaster? Jesus.

Although, “wine red” was never a finish option before the CBS buyout. In fact, I can’t think of a pre-CBS color that even gets close to what some would consider “wine red.” Burgundy Mist, maybe?

Here’s hoping you’re pulling our collective leg.

@KingHater: Stevie Wonder would beg to differ.

@xtianrut: You really don’t have to trade in all your good taste.
It is just unfortunate that so many imbeciles are attracted to them. Think of it as a “guns don’t kill people. People kill people” type of thing.

That Vai cover is pretty douchey out of context, but agreed with the Passion and Warfare statements. His legacy of cover art is so awful this is pretty tasteful. Do you think Zappa put him over his knee and spanked him after Passion came out? “He oughta be thankin’ him for the spankin’!”

It looks like Erasure ad is reflected in his sunglasses.

…..@Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee: It may have been “burgandy mist.” Couldn’t say for sure. The salesman in the pawn shop said it was wine-red. To me, the guitar looked like “Hendrix Purple.”

…..The modifications, however, get worse. This is what happens when a kid has no idea what he’s just bought for $250, lives at home with his parents, suddenly has disposable income, and wants to sound like a mix between the Boston sound, and the first Van Halen album. Through a Marshall combo, the guitar frankly sounded like crap. I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was that the skinny neck just felt right.

…..The pre-CBS strat, in less than five years, sported a new amateur lime-green paint job, a brass nut, an early Kahler tremolo (with shims for the string-lock stolen from a model tank), a Semour Duncan stack pickup in the middle, and two Hot Rails front and back pickups. When I routed the wood out for the Kahler with a drill and 1 inch spade, I pressed in large quantity of fairly pure lead into the uneven spaces around the Kahler. I filled the old tremolo cavity with lead, too. The axe, with strap, weighs about 18 pounds after the mods. It’s got a deep, heavy, metallic tone with great sustain, but I can’t get it to sound like a Strat anymore…

Dear Idolator folks: I’m begging you…please post a gallery of this year’s shitty covers. Y’know, so we can keep tabs.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T DONATE TO THE RIAAS AND THE MAJORS. THEY HIRE SOFTWARE DEVELOPERS TO MAKE ALBUM ART. STOP THE INSANITY.