I had another idea: Dre v2.0, Timbaland v2.0, and Reznor v2.0 in a steel cage death match. PPV! (I’d bet on Dre, he looks like he’s been doing at least a little cardio.

And for god’s sake, when you have the hottest artist of the moment performing the two biggest singles of the year, you should be able to do better than 45 seconds of one hit and 30 of the other.

One last thing – I’ve read a lot of praise of Alicia Keys’s performance, but am I the only one who thought it looked a heavier Cher performing a Mary J. reject that only Mary J.’s vocals could’ve saved?

MTV has basically become its own worst enemy — they are overthinking the show and afflicting it with ADD — and it’s a shame, because with a couple of huge exceptions (Britney, etc.) the acts generally brought it last night. The suite performances were mostly good to excellent (Fall Out Boy still can’t play their own songs for shit, but they sounded surprisingly awesome behind Rihanna), and Ronson and the Dap-Kings brought new life to most of the pop songs they reinterpreted.

I know I’m going to sound like a broken record (showing my age…what’s a broken record), but here I go again: The secret to fixing the MTV awards is to forget Web 2.0 ever happened, stage it as a trad award show, and let the acts wild out and perform — and don’t cut anybody off, not even Linkin Park!

If all of last night’s performances were on the main stage and allowed to be completed, we’d be remembering the 2007 VMAs as (a) the night Britney bombed (srsly, nothing would save that shit), but also (b) the night MTV made a quiet semi-comeback. No joke.

1. oggle
v. 1. To stare at the breasts or ass of a woman with out their knowledge. see also “learing”

On my cig break, I was just thinking, MTV could do itself a world of good if it expanded the suite idea into a 1 hour show. Groups invite different musicians they like on to jam for an hour. Sure, there’s guaranteed to be some episodes where my old ass is left in the cold (e.g. Gym Class Heroes and Boys Like Girls and what have you), but there’s guaranteed to be a few stellar shows.

The headlines shouldn’t be “ooh, look her comeback sucked” , they should be “all you dumbasses are now realizing how bad she sucks because you aren’t willing to oggle her anymore.”

[www.itgumbo.com]

When you’re mocked in multiple media, you know you’re in trouble.

It was almost metaphorical — like a death dance for our embattled notions of fame and celebrity in the new millennium. No wait. It was actually just shit.

The worst thing you can say about Britney’s performance was that, coupled with Sara(h) Silverman’s lousy routine, it made everything that came after seem so much more enervated than it might’ve otherwise. MTV should’ve played it safe and said to hell with it, we’re putting her on mid-way.

I expect to see a whole lot of LOL SHE’S FAT commentary today. Maybe not here, but elsewhere.

She wasn’t nervous, she wasn’t high, she looked as if her soul had been sucked out of her, it was just scary.