Critic Manages To Make “Things Were So Much Better Back Then” Argument More Noxious Than Usual

This week, The New Republic somehow sold enough ad space to let a bit of wankery about the Led Zeppelin reunion by music writer David Browne into its pages. You can probably guess what the piece’s “angle” is from its subhead–”Explaining Led Zeppelin’s enduring hold on our collective conscious”–but here’s a rundown: OMG LED ZEP REUNION, by the way the White Stripes canceled their tour, Led Zep is “ageless” and so is Nick Drake, “‘The Crunge’ could almost be a rap boast,” and hey, those kids today really do seem to like the Arcade Fire. (Also: Radiohead!) And then there’s the closing graf, which tries to tie together the legends of Led Zeppelin and the White Stripes in a horrifically clumsy way:

Shortly after Meg White bailed on the White Stripes tour, a supposed sex tape of her surfaced on the Internet. Denials flew fast and furious; although the dark-haired woman in the video kinda looked like White, her camp eagerly declared it a hoax. Again, one couldn’t help but think of Zeppelin, who indulged in plenty of on-the-road shenanigans of their own. If such a tape had been circulated back in 1976, the band probably wouldn’t have confirmed or denied it. The reality mattered less than the myth. The fans knew rock stars were larger than life–and that the audience wanted both them and their music to stay that way.

Translated: “That Meg White, ain’t she a pussy?” Because, you know, having people think that they’re watching a grainy Webcam video of you getting fucked from behind that someone had (possibly maliciously!) leaked is equivalent to having people spread, by word-of-mouth, a rumor that may or may not be true about you making a groupie look like the dumb slut she is. It’s such a laughable analogy that the only reason I can think of it coming up is that the powers that be at TNR decided their Web site needed some “meg white sex tape”-enabled hits. Or does Browne’s subtext really boil down to “ew, girls, get out of rock, you are not tough enough!” Or did he just think that the sex tape needed more fish?

Whole Lotta Love [TNR]