The “Christmas No. 1″ is a British stunt marketing tradition, where record companies throw all sorts of family-friendly gunk at the pop charts in hopes of hitting the top spot for baby Jesus’ birthday. And one-half of perennially bummed (and perennially under-appreciated) Scottish indie rock band Arab Strap is appealling to self-medicating cutters and manic shut-ins and anyone sick of the usual Chrismas malarkey in order to make his new holiday tune a hit.

Malcolm Middleton…has announced he will release the single We’re All Going to Die in a bid to make it the Xmas number one single.

“Dying is a bit like writing a letter to Santa,” explains Middleton, by way of a press release, “unless you’ve been a good boy or girl, you’re fucked.”

Alas, Middleton’s dreams of his song becoming a holiday standard look set to be dashed, with “bookmakers…giving the singer odds of one in 1000 that his single will make the top spot for Christmas.” Even for an almost punkish tune with the catchy Scrooge chorus “You’re gonna die/ You’re gonna die/ You’re gonna die alone”? Worrying his sentiments will be misconstrued at the cheeriest time of year, and thereby cost him the No. 1 spot, Middleton explains that “the song is intended to make people think about being alive and making the most of our time here, which to me are your generic ‘Xmas’ themes.” Perhaps to be sure he should have gone with his original title, “Throw Yourself Under A Sleigh.”

Miserable Christmas! Malcom Middleton Targets Yuletide Charts [Guardian]
Malcom Middleton [MySpace]