So Kid Rock’s ex-DJ and sappy soft-rock has-been Uncle Kracker got arrested a few months back for getting violent with a lady at a party after one too many margaritas. He also maybe stuck his paw between her legs without asking. But now he’s sad because, being broke and/or washed-up, he copped a plea. And people are gonna think he’s some pervert. When he wants to assure us he’s really just a non-molesting drunken dickweed.

Shafer pleaded guilty in September to a misdemeanor assault charge. A judge sentenced him to 12 months’ probation, fined him $1,500 and ordered him to undergo an alcohol assessment.

“There was no sexual anything involved,” Shafer told the News.

“Assault is a far cry from sexual battery. You can either wait a year, spend 150 grand, go to trial, make more of a debacle out of it, or you can get it over with,” he said.

Who wouldn’t want to clear that up by more or less admitting to assaulting a woman? But wait, we might just be misunderstanding him? Because apparently he has a different definition of “beat” than the rest of us?

“While I have time and I’m sitting around, I’ve been in the studio doing stuff,” Kracker told Billboard.com. “I’m not gonna touch the good (songs). But there’s some on there I can beat. I figure if I’ve got time, why not go in and beat ‘em. In the end, it’s better.”

Uncle Kracker Not Happy With Guilty Plea [AP]
Kracker Frustrated By Album Delay [Reuters]