So there’s a Fergie sex tape. Purportedly. We’re not gonna link it because it’s A.) clearly not her and B.) we care about you and most importantly C.) it’s something like No. 8 on Google Trends right now. But mainly because it’s not really her. Apparently any leathery woman drinking Moet from the bottle in a fedora is easily mistaken for Fergie? Before we watched this–it begins on the toilet–we assumed a fake Fergie sex tape would be the most unerotical, non-Scott Stapp/Kid Rock sex tape featuring a musician possible. Fake or real. But now we’re not so sure. Especially considering there are so many objectionable male musicians. So we polled the biggest celebrity sex tape obsessive we know to come up with this list.
And no, “this kind of trash is beneath us” is not an acceptable write-in response. You clicked it!
Why does Lars Ulrich appear twice? I understand perfectly that you may really, really, really not want to see him in the act, but his votes are getting split!
Fergie’s not that bad looking for a post-op.
Avril Lavigne - hands down.
Um, Boy George?
Um, wrong people, wrong. The correct answers would be Tad from Mudhoney and Joey Jordison from SlipKnot.
Ugh, typo - I meant to write Tad from Tad - Mudhoney era.
I feel like I already saw a Lenny Kravitz sex tape with that fucking video for “All Of My Life,” or whatever that damn song was called. Dude is strutting around bare ass naked…Lenny, kudos on the abs and the hip bones, but don’t front like you just got out of the shower. You have all the hygenic ambiance of a hacky sack down the sewer. Then there’s a point later in the video where he’s fantasizing about boinking the creepily underage-looking waif waitress from the local dinner and we’re treated to a close up of Lenny and she sloppily waggling their tongues their together a la Jabba the Hutt. Truly horrendous.
Pete Doherty?
MICKEY AVALON.
As for Celine, well…you know that she’d hire Anne Geddes to direct.
@dickdogfood: co-sign
It would pretty painful to watch a naked Andrea Bocelli wandering around with his hands in front of his face trying to find the bed.
haha I clicked on Ozzy having no idea that he’s in the lead.
The Nuge
That’s a hilariously unnecessary question mark in the title.
Henry Rollins.
Courtney Love is the obvious answer here
Vince Neil…Ugh!
Two words: Meat Loaf.
@lastclearchance: WHA? Henry Rollins is sex on a stick! A heavily tatted stick with no neck… but sexy nonetheless.
@extracrispy: Well, obviously it has nothing to do with his physical appearance.
@lastclearchance: Er, “not much to do” would be more accurate.
I’d never want to see Lemmy.
@FionaScrapple: Did you see his (Vince Neil) sex tape? Boring. Actually, all celebrity sex tapes that I’ve seen are boring.
(…um, because I worked in a porn store, that’s why.)
James Blunt- because it’d be with himself and he’d be watching in the mirror.
Oh, it begins in the toilet? Well there’s the first clue it wasn’t Fergie - she never makes it to the toilet on time.
Lenny Kravitz is my wife’s Do-Kill.
i heard axl rose is pretty selfish in the sack.
Where’s the “all of the above” option? I’d rather not watch any of the listed having sex!!
@LizK: ARE YOU KIDDING? Avril is totally bangable.