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Stephen King, pop cultural pundit and guy who once made John Boy Walton fight a gay clown, has issued a list of the only seven albums he deems worthy this year. Possibly because the modern pop landscape is more frightening for a middle-aged crank than a possessed big rig chasing Emilio Estevez? “Stephen King’s taste in music is more eclectic than scary,” sez AP. Don’t forget boring! The full list is after the jump–y’all can start arguing about Wilco again if you feel like it–but first our impressions.
THE GOOD: Uh.
THE BAD: “In truth, your Uncle Stevie was disappointed with this year’s new music, very disappointed indeed, and his year-end list reflects that,” King says. “I could only find seven albums I wanted to mention.” We know laziness is kind of your thing when it comes to talking about music, Uncle Stevie, but what was so disappointing about ‘07? Was your heart broken by Neon Bible? Did you feel ripped off actually paying for a copy of that A Place To Bury Strangers record? Were you bummed to hear how much filler was on the Soulja Boy album after taking all that time to learn how to Crank That? What??
THE WHAAA?: Anyone calling Ozzy’s Black Rain the “finest heavy metal record of the year; a true speaker-buster” needs to have the bridge of his nose rapped with a rolled-up copy of the Decibel year-end issue.
1. Steve Earle – Washington Square Serenade
2. Wilco – Sky Blue Sky
3. Mika – Life in Cartoon Motion
4. Lyle Lovett and His Large Band – It’s Not Big It’s Large
5. Ozzy Osbourne – Black Rain
6. John Fogerty – Revival
7. Southern Culture on the Skids – Countrypolitan Favorites
Stephen King Names His Top 7 Albums Of ‘07 [MSNBC; HT: Reed Fischer]
at least he’s keeping hip with the kids by tuning into Mika, eh?
“Stephen King Names His Top 7 Albums Of ‘07″ means about as much to me as “Pitchfork Names Its Top 50 Kinds Of Produce”.
Next up:
The Top 8 Architectural Achievements of 2007 as selected by Dave Barry
The Top 4 Hollywood Foley Editors of 2007 as chosen by Patricia Cornwell
and
Dean R. Koontz’s 5 Tastiest Organic Fruit Jellies of 2007
(To wit, is there one single person in the entire span of the universe who gives one-fifth of a flying fuck what Stephen likes to listen to?)
(or uh, what Notorious T said)
@BakerStreetSaxSolo: Same thing I thought of! Where the hell did that come from.
@Ned Raggett: Satellite radio?
This is probably my actual uncle’s list, too, so at least he knows his demo of older-men-who-”love music”.
@Ned Raggett: Maybe King is working on It II, only this time the clown is Perez Hilton.
What, you guys aren’t interested at all in this peek into the musical influences of the Rock Bottom Remainders?
@The Notorious T: “Stephen King Names His Top 7 Albums of ‘07″ means about as much to me as “Pitchfork Names Its Top 7 Albums of ‘07.”
What irritates me is that, if you’ve read Stephen King’s books and stories for any length of time, you know that he has ALWAYS had and most likely always will have middlebrow, unadventurous, utterly white-bread yet curiously self-congratulatory taste in music. There’s nothing wrong with that… unless his status as a best-selling novelist leads to a regular column that lets him express his ill-informed opinions on a semi-regular basis.
Also, his “Uncle Stevie” shit makes it all the more aggravating.
I’m pretty sure I just lost any Wilco argument by virtue of its appearance on this list.
That Lyle Lovett record was yet another disappointment for me this year. It started out strong with a big Texas swing number, but actually ended up being a little too heavy on the minimalist ballads. That Steve Earle record is actually pretty okay, though.
Newsflash: Stephen King goes to Starbucks.
“I won’t say Adams is the best North American singer-songwriter since Neil Young…but I won’t say he isn’t, either. What I know is there has never been a Ryan Adams record quite as strong and together as Easy Tiger;”
“Now there’s this, maybe the best Ryan Adams CD ever”
–Stephen King
WHERE’S EASY TIGER, STEVE-O?!?!?!?!
I love me some Steve Earle, but Washington Square Serenade is by far the worst album of his career.
If that Ozzy record was “a true speaker-buster” in the sense that it
made me throw hunting spears at my speakers, then yes, that’s entirely
accurate.
Haha I feel like my Idolator Pop Critics Poll is probably going to be just as embarrassing as Uncle Stevie’s list, so I won’t throw stones on this one.
@therichgirlsareweeping:
I dunno. I think the sheer brilliance of the aforementioned South Texas Girl covers over a lot of wrongs. So many great lines in that song. “Call it Refugio, ’cause the city folks they don’t know.”
@Charlie Kerfelds Jetsons Tee: You know, I almost expected this reply from someone.
@The Notorious T: #1: Avocados.
That’s gotta be one of the worst lists I’ve seen yet. Stephen King can take his music opinions and go to hell.
STEPHEN KING HATES GIRLS. i feel he’d be a rihanna kinda guy if he only gave ‘er a shot.
Good god, we’ve been doing this so long now we’ve started to develop Christmas traditions. One of which is the post into which we keep poking selected details of other people’s best-of lists until it gets bloated and/or we get bored of doing so, thus providing a handy print off, cut out and keep…
I don’t know why, but I love the fact that Uncle Stevie likes Mika. I can’t wait for Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) to show up in the inevitable made-for-TV remake of Misery.
@natepatrin: I liked avocados back when they were small. Then everybody got into them and now I think they’re played out.
No matter how hard they try to make ol’ Steve look scary, he always ends up looking like a big goof.
Now we know which prominent author gets his music news from “Time” and “People” magazine.
i too was surprised not to see ryan adams on his list after all that praise. i think he also forgot about the new josh ritter album (which is pretty awesome) because he named ritter’s last album the best of 2006 and called one of his songs “the most exuberant outburst of imagery since bob dylan’s ‘a hard rain’s a-gonna fall,’ in 1963.”
WHY ISN’T THIS INCREDIBLY FAMOUS OLDER PERSON AS BLOG-SAVVY AS ALL OF US?
@SomeSound-MostlyFury:
I totally expected to see Ryan Adams on his list, too.
@Bjork Rhymes With Pork: Well, it’s not his best one, but it’s not terrible either. Wow, I’m really giving it a ringing endorsement, huh?
@Ted Striker: I will hand it to you, that is a great line. But seriously, that record is slow as VERY BORING MOLASSES somewhere around the 20 minute mark. Maybe the track order is off? Because the songs are all good, the pacing is just weird.
@SomeSound-MostlyFury & JESSICAMARIA: You believed a press release?
@chim_richalds: That Josh Ritter album is pretty f’in good, isn’t it?
@ZipZapZopZoup: I believe in selling out for your selling out. To wit: if you are going to schill for something, stay consistent and schill for it all year round. Don’t go and backhandedly call it “disappointing” later.
@Camp Tiger Claw: I wins. I wins the entire interwebs.
Go back on the drugs, Steve-o. You haven’t been the same since.
Looks like I can’t like Wilco anymore, guys.
I read the headline as him taking a stand against some desperate Broadway producer trying to stage “The Dead Zone: THE MUSICAL!”
Which was far more amusing and interesting than his boring list.
Does anyone else think he looks like the Grinch?
This list and King’s general opinions on music may have all the relevance of a Christgau review, but many jams in my library are there because they were referenced in King books. I’ve got his The Dark Tower series to thank for my affection of ZZ Top’s “Velcro Fly”
I like that this is the same Stephen King who recently bitched to Time extensively about how us horrible plebes are too obsessed with pop culture and unconcerned with the important things in the world. Certainly a stinging rebuke from the man who’s devoted his life to writing horror novels and a pop culture column for Entertainment Weekly.
Granted, these are shit, but I do agree in the sense that 2007 produced nothing at all truly great. I keep reading all these -best of 2007- lists, and, quite frankly, they all kinda suck. This was one of the worst years in music I can remember since that dead era after grunge died, when nu metal started in.
neon bible sucks compared to funeral, so does Kala compared to Arular, so does In Rainbows compared to Kid A or Amnesiac, Clap your hands…, Bloc Party, Band of Horses, etc. Also sucking: Kings of Leon, Between the Buried and Me, LCD Soundsystem, etc….
He’s a cross between Stephen Hawking and Cornelius from Planet of the Apes
omg…. HE DOES LOOK LIKE THE GRINCH!