The World Music Awards Prove “Smack That” Sucks In All Languages

Last night, a few dozen UHF viewers got a little taste of international glamour at the World Music Awards, where America’s pop elite and a bunch of foreigners were airlifted to Monte-Carlo to prove that middle-aged white people awkwardly bumping asses to “Ayo Technology” transcends borders. Or something. The WMAs’ Model U.N. included winners Rihanna, DJ David Guetta, 50 Cent, Mika, and basically whoever else had bothered to turn up, but it turned out we were the real winners, because the show was really celebrating us for “buying albums and legally downloading.” (RIAA propaganda is apparently also universal.) See, we thought the real winners were lovers of exaggerated comedy accents; if you were a fan of frighteningly stern supermodels who sound like they’re hunting moose and squirrel or beefy rugby players who sound like Charo, this was the awards show for you.