Once again, we present Rock-Critically Correct, a feature in which the most recent issues of Rolling Stone, Blender, Vibe, and Spin are given a once-over by an anonymous writer who’s contributed to several of those titles–or maybe even all of them! After the click-through, he takes in the year-end issues of RS, Spin, and Blender:

So, y’all tell KK: what is it with year-end wrap ups? Not just with respect to music magazines, but to top-ten lists compiled by rock critics, blog denizens, and possibly your human resources coordinator and mailman? What, precisely, accounts for the human tendency to quantify music, films and TV shows based upon their appearance during a calendar year? Unlike many folks of his acquaintance, KK lacks the compulsion to prioritize cultural artifacts along such clearly demarcated lines.

While you chew on that (and feel free to leave comments below to that end), your very own Keyboard Krybaby assesses the catch-all 2007 issues of the three magazines regularly considered in this space–the January Spin, the January/February Blender, and the Dec. 27-Jan. 10 Rolling Stone–all of which hit newsstands in the past week and a half. KK can say that the reason these publications, and many many other mags and computah destinations, concoct “best of 2007″ lists and make sport with the celebrity mishaps occurring in the space of year are twofold: 1. To do so is easy; 2. People who ain’t KK enjoy reading such things.

Given lead time constraints, Spin and Blender were certainly cooking up these issues more than a month and half ago. The Blender under consideration reviews an Oct. 30 Van Halen show and a Oct. 14 Kelly Clarkson concert; Spin includes a shot of Eddie Van Halen in midair leap from Sept. 27 and a review of the Sex Pistols’ performance at the Guitar Hero III release party on Oct. 25. Which is to say that editorial judgments as to what was important in 2007 had to have been made when there were more than two months left in 2007. This RS issue, on the other hand, closed two weeks ago, having acknowledged both the widespread layoffs at a couple of major labels and Grammy nominations around that time.

But whatever the lead time issues might be, certain memes arise. KK withholds comment on each mag’s “best of 2007″ lists, not only due’s to KK’s own disinclination, but also since Idolator’s curators have covered “the top this or that” beat with the same fervor that The Wall Street Journal has been devoting to the subprime mortgage crisis. To wit:

“The cover represents what we’re all about, man.”: Blender’s cover features a pop singer removing her shirt; RS‘ year-end cover is, as always, a composite of many of its 2007 covers–which is to say, the magazine itself and imprimatur it bestows; and Spin has a rare instance of a African-American cover subject thereupon, one who this year scored covers for all four publications regularly discussed here and who looks to have been Photoshopped in with the men whose recording he mined for his calling-card single (Daft Punk appear to have interacted very little with interviewer Andrew Vontz in an “Entertainers of the Year” story, but it’s all very high concept).

“Time to turn into Best Week Ever“: Each mag tackles 2007’s signal watercooler topics relevant to its demographic in a section devoted to charticles and quippy items regarding the misdeeds of Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears, among others (one wonders if Blender’s rumored upcoming Britney cover is risked due to the sport it makes with Spears herein). But as of Wednesday, it’s very likely that the staffers involved with each package are contemplating the limits of the lead time constraints mentioned above–doubtless l’affaire Jamie Lynn is the One That Got Away.

“B-b-b-but her publicist said we had the exclusive”: Spin anoints Feist as “Breakout of the Year”; Blender dubs her “Breakthrough of the Year.” While both Spin research editor Phoebe Reilly and Blender senior editor Josh Eells note that Paul Simon is aware that Leslie Feist exists, Reilly’s piece reveals that Fran Drescher does as well, leaving Eells to disclose that she was handpicked to perform on Saturday Night Live by Brian Williams.

“Sorry, Mr. Ford ad rep, the whole fold-out ad supplement thing hasn’t been working out so hot for us… wait, how much?”: The Ford Motor Company sponsors a foldout presenting Rolling Stone’s 100 Best Songs of the Year; the accompanying ad pimps the auto leviathan’s Sync doohickey, which provides voice activation for MP3 players in cars. Similarly, Ford/Sync also presents Blender’s 2008 Rock and Roll User’s Guide, in which upcoming album releases are cited via artist categories: Weezer and Metallica are “Rock Studs,” Big Boi and Usher are “Big Macks,” and, to Blender’s considerable credit, Madonna and Janet Jackson are “Cougars,” KK’s favorite recent appellation and one he does not recall reading in a mass-market publication until now.

“We are brought unto this world with nothing, and with nothing we depart”: Blender and Spin do not bother with them what passed this year. RS does, and gives pride of placement to a Michelle Phillips-penned reminiscence of Denny Doherty, the least notable member of the pretty much suck-ass Mamas and the Papas. Jazz drummer Max Roach gets the half-page encomium from ?uestlove he deserves, while country music patriarch Porter Waggoner gets an insufficient 11-word passing mention. The issue’s deadline, however, did not permit the mag to note the death of Ike Turner.

“Mustn’t have anyone think we’re going through the motions”: Each mag includes a couple of pieces that emphasize their respective strengths:

• RS’ front-of-book Rock and Roll section includes a story on the scourge of compression, in which the dynamics of most major label pop and rock recordings of the past 15 years were rendered undynamic in order to appeal to MP3-trained ears. While “The Death of High Fidelity” plays into RS’ “everything wuz better years ago” meme, writer Robert Levine does a fine job shining a light on an underreported phenomenon, while noting the related issue of how Pro Tools tends to camouflage shitty musicianship. Oddly, contributing editor Rob Sheffield’s “Still Hair Metal After All These Years,” a report on July’s Rocklahoma festival, probably should have been published in August. Perhaps it was sitting around until someone noticed that the death of Quiet Riot singer Kevin DuBrow last month made the piece timely. In any case, Sheffield is a lot easier to take when he has several thousand words in which to make some points: one could conclude that “compression” has a deleterious effect on his prose.

• KK was irritated by a question Blender music editor Rob Tannenbaum posed to Miranda Lambert some months ago, but KK believes that, as a music journalism all-rounder, Tannenbaum bows to no one. His cover profile of Stacy Ferguson, Blender’s “Woman of the Year,” manages to make the interviewee, a woman that previously interested KK not one scintilla, seem like good company. He not only coaxes her into admitting that she did indeed piss herself onstage last year (which KK believes is a quasi-scoop), but turns phrase after phrase after phrase. This is how it’s done, budding ink-stained wretches! Additionally, frequent contributor Jody Rosen examines the genesis of the mag’s reader-elected song of the year, Rihanna’s “Umbrella.” Rosen details the creative process for a magazine that most often concludes that its readers are less interested in the “creative process” than they are in engaging in a pursuit that tends to make Blender’s pages stick together.

• As for Spin, “The October Surprise” finds contributor David Peisner analysing the ongoing self-immolation of the “recording arts” components of various multinationals, and how Radiohead, Madonna and Trent Reznor are jumping ship and thus demonstrating how artists can now take control of heir livelihoods. KK will only add that 20 years ago many folks inveighed against the business practices of major labels, and said self-immolation is precisely what those folks desired.