Boy Band Backlash Enters The Web 2.0 Era

What with their ability to make the young girls scream, it would be inevitable that angry teenagers have started to rail against the scourge of the Jonas Brothers. But instead of composing a ditty like “New Kids Got Run Over By A Reindeer” or graffiting “MORE LIKE N SUCK!!!” in their school’s ladies’ room, members of the Web 2.0 generation have taken their anti-moptop crusade to the Internet. On YouTube, for example, a video that opens with the greeting “Hello. If you are watching this and you are a Jonas Brothers fan you should kill yourself.” is rising up the “Most Popular” charts, no doubt in large part because lots of kids have vacation this week. The clip lays out boilerplate anti-boy-band rhetoric while also big-upping Slipknot and ripping the JBs’ bulletin board-posting fans for having “no clue of proper grammer and punctuation.” (Sigh. Kids today.) And it’s garnered 700-plus comments so far, which are so far evenly split between Jonas Brothers fans and their older brothers haters. But I’m pretty impressed by the rebuttals from young laurennmariexo, who composed an 18-point (!) treatise responding to the allegations laid out in the video:

ok. 1. you have no fuking life whatsoever. 2.wanting nick to die from diabetes is the WORST thing anyone can say toward anyone. thats just horrible. He didnt do anything wrong to get it, it happens and hes living with it and making it easier for people who have it to cope with it knowing NOT every celebrity is perfect. 3. if you think the jonas brothers’ music sucks and you think the background music you put on here is good, you seriously need a hearing aid. The Jonas Brothers actually sing their songs,not scream into the microphone and call it music. 4. The mosh pits probably turn into a riot because want to die after hearing that so called music. 5. its called a backup band for a reason there are 3 people in the backup band not just the drummer and they get their credit. 6. Thier hair is fine. Just because it isnt spiked or have fades in it doesnt mean its bad. 7.STOP FUCKING HATING ON NICK. 8. They all play instruments, not just guitars. Nick can play guitar, drums, and piano/keyboard. Kevin can play guitar. Joseph plays the tambourine and keyboard and guitar. 9. yeah they have 10 year old fans, but they have older ones too. the age range of fans differs for every celebrity, just because jonas fans are more upfront about it doesnt mean anything. 10. jonas fans dont think we’re tuff or mean or whatever you were tryin to portray in that picture of what we “think” we look like. 11. the fans or think they are just “hawt” as you put it, arent really fans of the music they just like their face, cant say i blame them, but there is wayy much more to them then their looks. 12. the childish comments come from the young fans who havent yet learned to be a sick asshole. 13. How can you say they dont have talent. Nicholas Jonas was on broadway when he was fucking 6 years old. explain that. 14. while you’re explaining things to me, explain how they look like girls? 15. no jonas concert breaks into a mosh pit so i have no clue what you’re saying. the closest thing to a mosh pit may be when they are trying to reach the front because they have jumped down in front of the crowd. 16.if you hate them so much stop talking about and live your own life. stop obsessing over them 17. send me hate mail whatever i really dont care. you dont understand how much the jonas brothers do for their fans because they actually care, they didnt jus come out of no where and go platinum (which they did). they worked there way to the top, so they are actually appreciative of what they have 18. what other group/band/singer do you know of that makes youtube videos for their fans, responds back on myspace, does meet and greets whenever possible, sells tickets at a reasonably low price so everyone can get a show? No one does because no one else cares, they know what its like to be on the bottom and what its like to be on the top.

OK, it’s not exactly Luther’s 95 Theses, but I am hoping for a follow-up video in which this clip’s auteur lays out just what, exactly, makes the brothers Jonas look like girls. Or, barring that, maybe some remedial English lessons for everyone?

The Jonas Brothers suck [YouTube]