Things We Learned From The “American Idol” Audition Compilation Episode

Last night’s American Idol was the show’s traditional pre-Hollywood Week compilation episode, filled with failed auditions that weren’t funny enough to be unleashed in the first seven episodes and successful auditions that weren’t good enough to be featured in the first few weeks of the season. The show allowed us to relearn a few lessons about the forthcoming season of Idol, as well as some things that everyone should take note of beyond the show.

• Nu-metal: Still over. The first audition of the episode was Luke Reeder’s version of the Limp Bizkit version of “Faith,” which he performed while wearing an XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL white t-shirt and a cap with mudflaps. It would have been a lot funnier if he’d worn a red baseball cap, to be honest.

• “Islands In The Stream”: Still awesome. Alesha Steltzl learned the chorus of the Dolly Parton/Kenny Rogers duet on the fly, and her voice was kinda thin but Paula loved its tone–perhaps because it was just as reedy as her own. (And nothing like Dolly Parton’s, to be honest.)

• Having the Lord on your side is no guarantee for success. I’m hoping that Tiffany McCabell’s audition is an attempt to bring back the heathens after all of the Jesus talk last season; she said over and over again in her pre-audition interviews that her voice “came from God,” but it sounded more like it came from a vacuum cleaner on the fritz and she was summarily dismissed.

• Fox is completely OK with one woman dating two brothers. Well, as far as a gimmick goes. Cory & Chris Lane were not only a rapper and a beatboxer, they were dating the same young lady, Ashley Lawing. Whichever Lane was beatboxing wasn’t really all that bad, rhythm-wise, although it was a bit pitchy. (Yes, really.) Perhaps unsurprisingly, they didn’t get through, and the screechy, bratty Ashley got rejected as well. And I thought the six-week-old Pomeranian she brought with her would at least help her sway the judges in her favor!

• The reality-TV backgrounds of the contestants won’t come out until Hollywood Week, if ever…. Joanne Borgella talked about how she sang the national anthem at Madison Square Garden and how she has a plus-sized modeling career, but she didn’t mention the Mo’Nique-assisted boost that helped her get to MSG’s center court.

• … but last year’s Hollywood Week rejects are always welcome back. Danny Noriega, who got cut in Hollywood last year because of nerves, came back this year and did a pretty great, beyond-his-years version of “Proud Mary.” rickey.org has already thrown his support behind Danny–and hey, that worked for Sanjaya last year, right?–but will that be enough?

• Prop auditions never, ever work. Joshua Moreland sang an original song and punctuated it by flinging a mixture of glitter, rose petals, and what looked like dust in front of himself while he was singing, a Gob-like gesture that should at least get him a ring from the producers of the forthcoming Arrested Development movie. At least the world got to see Simon Cowell sweep a floor.

• Barack Obama’s name isn’t the only name Simon has trouble with. And the hilarity from Simon’s inability to pronounce even the most mildly ethnic names can fill up about 10 minutes of screen time!

• The last four minutes of the show were taken up by a “hey, remember that?” montage, and that wasn’t the only sign that material this year was getting a little thin. I know, I know, I’ve bitched about the reality-TV backgrounds of the singers who got through this year, but a lot of the Simon “no” votes really weren’t worthy of moving on to Hollywood–too many Christina imitators, too many Robin Thicke Xeroxes. Maybe things will shake out by next week, when the singers are forced out of their comfort zones. At the very least I hope the show gets a little less by-the-book.