Last night a want ad for a personal assistant to a “busy, high profile, very down to earth Musician/Actor in the Entertainment Industry” who also happens to be a “HIGH NET WORTH INDIVIDUAL” popped up on Craigslist. Among the job requirements, which could bring you up to $1000/week: no smoking; picking outfits for the artist, with the ability to do so being judged by photos of applicants “dressed in three different wardrobe looks that express ‘Your Personal Sense of Style’”; the occasional tune-up for the artist’s “Automobile(s)”; and the willingness to “be a willing ear to listen to Artist new creative developments while creating new music projects.” “Creating new music projects”? That sounds like “write some songs and maybe I’ll sing them while trying to pass them off as my own” to me, but that may be just residual resentment from some ex-bosses who were always trying to pass my ideas off as theirs.
Other items of note from the ad:
• You’ll also be cooking and shopping for the mystery artist.
• And driving.
• And helping with auditions.
• I mentioned the car tune-up thing already, right? OK.
• And you may need to be a mom! “You should naturally possess a nurturing, compassionate and very personable disposition. Be comfortable as a caregiver with some natural instincts. Nothing over-bearing, just the basics.” Presumably if you’re “over-bearing,” you get a talking-to–or some employer-mandated couples’ therapy? The ad does say that the perks are “amazing,” and really, what could be more amazing than being hauled into a shrink’s office for not having enough “natural instincts” for nurturing some overscheduled celebrity’s ego?
Celebrity Personal Assistant (Revised as of 2/9/08) [Craigslist via Gawker]
YOU NEED TO HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING AND APPRECIATION OF BOTH THE URBAN MUSIC AND MOTION PICTURE MOVIE INDUSTRY. PRIOR EXPERIENCE IN URBAN MUSIC WOULD BE A PLUS.
Jamie Foxx?
Gene Simmons?
How badly do I want this to be Heidi Montag?!?
I’m going with the dude from Outkast.
Ludacris. Gotta be.
Miley Cyrus?
Siouxsie Sioux?
Paris Hilton?
Nick Nolte?
Tay Zonday?
Sly Stone?
Rudy Ray Moore?
Me?
Jermaine Jackson?
Or…Tito! Maybe Tito?
Kanye. He misses his mom.
John Mayer?
Clay Aiken?
Thom Yorke?
Three-time Grammy winner Fergie?
Jermain Dupri?
Janet Ms Jackson?
Taylor Swift?
Chad Kroeger?
I already want to stab this person.
Adam Levine?
Eddie Van Halen?
The guitarist from Paramore — what was his name again???
Axl Rose?
Trent Reznor–a mid life crisis is just at hand
I’ll cast another vote for the late Zal Yanovsky
“…Sounds like ‘write some songs and maybe I’ll sing them while trying to pass them off as my own…’”
Avril Lavigne?