jess@idolator: Nothing going on this morning, eh?
maura@idolator: Ugh. Just the [alleged] Gene Simmons sex tape. [Ed. Note: Link not safe for ANYTHING, let alone work.]
maura@idolator: Did you hear what song was playing in the background?
maura@idolator: (I didn’t watch; I just read about it.) [Ed. Note: Riiiiiiight.]
jess@idolator: I did not, no.
maura@idolator: “I Want To Know What Love Is”
jess@idolator: Well I mean who hasn’t “made love” to that?
maura@idolator: I wonder what else gets Gene in the mood?
Good question, Maura! (Even if normal folks would rather imagine the family members of their choice getting it on atop a pile of newly dead bodies than think of Gene Simmons in (makeup-free) flagrante.) Since “I Want To Know What Love Is” clocks in at around 5:00 and the tape lasts a respectable (if not Sting-level) 10:00, one must assume that Gene had a second song picked to round out his 1/6th of an hour spent in the act of physical love with his Australian energy drink spokeslady. But what was it?
Calling Dr. Love (To Please Euthanize Us): The Gene Simmons Sex Tape [Fleshbot]
Bobby Brown, “Rockwitcha”
Whitney Houston, “I Will Always Love You”
Gretchen Wilson, “Redneck Woman”
Fleshbot has a clip that plays “Oh Sherry” by Steve Perry now. Foreigner’s “Waiting For a Girl Like You” is better.
@Wherever my last comment was: “Oh, Sherrie”
Chumba.
Wumba.
Maybe Talking Heads’s “Once in a Lifetime.”
“You may ask yourself/How do I work this?…You may ask yourself/My God, what have I done?”
Guns ‘N’ Roses, “Paradise City”
i honestly would have guessed gene got down to kiss songs.
Never again will I be able to hear “I Want To Know What Love Is” without thinking of this goddamn sex tape. Thanks to Gene, the Internet has reached its end.
Christopher Cross, “Arthur’s Theme (Best That You Can Do),” a/k/a “When You Get Caught Between The Moon And New York City”
@Jess Harvell: yeah, really. talk about diluting the brand!
oh, also, i think that this means that we’re in line for a celine dion and/or fat joe tape next:
[polls.gawker.com]
“Hard Luck Woman.”
Butterfly kisses?
Colbie Caillat, “Bubbly”
Joe Esposito, “You’re The Best” (from The Karate Kid)
@Maura Johnston: The world demands ‘and,’ not ‘or.’ (I want to see the world dead.)
I figured it would be a tape of his own voice, offering encouragement and reassurance.
@Chris N.: Thank you for the nightmares in my head.
@JohnDoe: maybe it was actually “butterfly” by crazy town
@Maura Johnston: I’m with you guys. I’m guessing if the girl had to choose it would be “Goin’ Blind” from Kiss’ Hotter than Hell. I just saw a commercial for the new season of Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels. The whole leaves a bad… ok, I cannot go there.
Just wait until the Ted Nugentsex tape comes out. You just know the Nuge cranks up a continuous loop of “Wango Tango”/”Wang Dang Sweet Poontang.” And after he’s done making sweet love down by the fire, he kills a bull moose with his bare hands.
Gene puts the echh in sex.
What else would Chaim Witz play? “Le Chaim,” of course. Any version.