Times Of London: “Critics Are Dicks! P.S.: You’re Dumb!”

Headline of the day: Music critics love albums that the public hates. It doesn’t appear in the latest issue of No Shit! magazine–it’s in the Times Of London! Apparently there’s a huge difference between the stuff a bunch of people who listen to a hundred albums a week think is good and people who listen to maybe a hundred albums a year think is good! Who knew? Besides, like, everyone?

Like the rich, music journalists are different. Crucially, we hear music differently. Obviously, we shouldn’t. In an ideal world, music critics would be a simple conduit between great music and the wider public.

I can tell you from experience that this is the only way music journalists are like the rich. But this sentence reveals the secret subtext of these sorts of articles: “Music critics are snobs, but the public are sheep.” Even if the stated thesis is “Why do we let critics be critics if they’re just going to pick not-fun stuff like Captain Beefheart?”^*, there’s no way this guy isn’t also saying that the public are tools when he aligns them with Meat Loaf and the Eagles.

Even if you admire the artistic intent behind Metal Machine Music, would you really want to listen to it?

Dude, I’m pretty sure 80 percent of the music critics that pitch me on Moldy Peaches records are not doing a Lester Bangs, chillin’ on Metal Machine Music, gulping cough syrup and Adderall. I’m lucky if I can find someone to write about High Places half the time.

The piece is accompanied by this list:

CRITICS’ FAVOURITES THAT THE PUBLIC HATES 1 Captain Beefheart, Trout Mask Replica 2 The Fall, Hex Enduction Hour 3 Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Tender Prey 4 The Flying Burrito Brothers, The Gilded Palace of Sin 5 Robert Wyatt, Dondestan 6 Ron Sexsmith, Other Songs 7 Lou Reed, Metal Machine Music 8 Dexy’s Midnight Runners, Don’t Stand Me Down 9 Palace Music, Viva Last Blues 10 Scott Walker, Tilt 11 Guided by Voices, Bee Thousand 12 Slint, Spiderland 13 Aimee Mann, Whatever 14 Randy Newman, Sail Away 15 Brendan Benson, Alternative to Love 16 Cardinal, Cardinal 17 Van Morrison, Astral Weeks 18 Love, Forever Changes 19 Big Star, Radio City 20 Vic Chesnutt, Is the Actor Happy?

Yeah, my mom can’t shut up about how much she hates Slint. Also, who wants to take any pointers about music from a country that considers Dexy’s Midnight Runners a “critic’s favourite”–and spells it with a “u”? That’s number one in my list of critically acclaimed vowels that America hates!

Music critics love albums that the public hates [Times of London]

^* Very topical reference, BTW!