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Madonna's video for "Four Minutes"—featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland, and bearing a title that's been chopped down from "Four Minutes To Save The World," presumably for national-security reasons—debuted on the Internet this morning, and its extended JT-and-Madge mating dance not only squicked me out at a way-too-early hour, it had even more indications that Hard Candy will be Madonna's "I'm out of ideas because the whole idea of 'subculture' has bubbled away in the social-networking era" album. The video, and five conclusions to take away from it, after the jump.
1. The idea of Madonna and Justin Timberlake hooking up is strangely repulsive to me, for petri-dish reasons instead of age-related ones. The whole clip dances around the idea of the world collapsing into a black hole and peoples' skin melting off if they don't—but they never kiss on screen, presumably because JT doesn't want to inherit his ex-girlfriend's curse.
2. Timbaland's rapping: Still unnecessary. Although none of the lyrics make sense overall (at least in a narrative sense—the flipping of "prima donna" into "Madonna" sounds pretty good, though), so perhaps syllable-ing along, and not singing along, is the point of this track.
3. The video is actually four minutes and six seconds long. Surely every pedant out there will point this out, but what is the significance of those extra six seconds? That the world hasn't been saved because Madge and JT have spent too much time washing up in the soon-to-be-doomed bathroom? Or that it has been? These questions will no doubt be answered in the post-apocalyptic clip for "Candy Store."
4. Madonna has gone from "collagist of bohemian subcultures" to "totally OK with ripping off ideas from Jamiroquai." Fast forward to the two-minute mark and slap your head. And anyone who says "But it's different because it's on a grocery-store checkout lane!" is fired.
5. The chorus on "4 Minutes" still reminds me of the theme to The Price Is Right. No, really; every time I hear this song it converges with the game-show theme that kept me entertained during sick days of yore. Here's a clip that uses Crystal Waters' "Come On Down"—a song that, quite awesomely, samples the theme in question—for proof. I also like this clip because the cat in it may be one of the grouchiest cats I've ever seen.
Madonna - 4 Minutes [HQ] [YouTube]
Madonna - 4 Minutes [WorldStarHipHop]
Cat Tricking [YouTube]
Comments
I'm going to use the comment section as a running diary of the number of times I've had to find a new version of the video because of YouTube yanking the one I'm using.
So, here's replacement No. 1, 15 minutes after I finished this post. (Admittedly, the version of the video that was No. 2 on the overall YouTube chart probably wasn't the best one to use if I was interested in longevity.)
I should also embed the videos in question. This was posted about 7:45 ET:
+ Watch video
Replacing it again. This one was posted by "MTVOfficialChannel," so it has to be legit, right?
+ Watch video
@Maura Johnston: Man down!
I love Justin, love Madonna, hate this song. Find the video creepy in its blatent attempt to act out Justin's incestuous fantasies. I'm sure if he could've replaced Madonna with his mom, he would have.
Re: conveyor belts, I am not ashamed to admit that Justin probably didn't steal the idea from Jamiroquai, but from Nsync's No Strings Attached Tour. 'Digital Getdown' anyone?
I hope and pray that Madonna never wears leotards again but I know this will never happen in my lifetime.
They're both hideous.
I wonder if someone at Warner is watching this comment thread?
The latest:
+ Watch video
Also, Justin needs to shave. And do something about his hair. Blech.
Madonna looks great though, even if the song sucks. If I look like that at 50, I will be very happy.
I wonder if someone at Warner can see my youthful idealism melting away after having seen this steaming pile of crash and burn from three of my favorite performers. Madonna does look great but in this video she's moving around JUST like Britney did on the VMA's. Furthermore, in comparison, this song is so bad it makes Madonna's American Life sound like Dark Side of the Moon.
Maybe I just need coffee before watching that.
I wonder if they were trying to rip off OK Go more than Jamiroquai with the conveyer belt bit? Jamiroquai did it a long time ago, and I can just imagine Madge ripping off something from a viral video. And what is with Justin's fixation with undressing older women while dancing? Was Janet not enough? And here's a message to Timbaland stop it with the "fricky fricky fricky" stop it right now, I literally cannot take it any more. Thanks.
@moomintroll: Oh wow, I didn't even think of that. Or of the "undressing older women" thing. Eek!
@phaballa: the hair, for real.
all i want to say about this video is less sex, more dancing people. why even put these two together if it's not for a 4 minutes long dance off?
terrible song.
also, the theme from the price is right is one of the greatest jazz tunes ever written.
Looks like YouTube just cleared out all search results for "+madonna +'4 minutes'," so here's HoodTube's version:
[www.worldstarhiphop.com]
That cat video made my day.
@Tenno: totally.
What does it say about the Madonna video when the guy dancing with the cat on his back looks less creepy than she does dancing with Justin...?
@Maura Johnston:
Reading this thread and seeing the excitement/enthusiasm and game of cat and mouse that everyone is playing regarding this video this morning has me completely and utterly convinced that the launching of new music videos is no longer a "Television Event." You would think Warner Bros. would be happy people are spending their Friday morning all wrapped up in the shenanigans of this girl they call Madonna. It's not like placing the video on YouTube is stopping her from going to number one on the iTunes charts.
@Tauwan:
It's April 4, 2008 and Madonna is on the tip of everyone's tongues again. Mariah Carey is also dropping a new album this month and has everyone talking about her. [and it] And then there's Leona Lewis and Kylie Minogue itching for some attention from the American listening public.
Somewhere, Janet Jackson [remember her? remember feedback? how bout rock with u? Discipline?] is weeping.
Hey, the gap between Madonna's front teeth is back!
I'm not getting The Price Is Right theme because all I can hear is Don't Stop The Music by Yarborough and Peoples in this song. And Madonna is throwing down some serious white girl moves. Make that "white 50 y.o. lady who does yoga" moves.
Now I'm curious to hear the whole album just to see how ghastly it is.
@liquid444: I've heard one other song off the album, 'Miles Away,' that I really enjoyed, but it was an acoustic cover on YouTube:
+ Watch video
Who knows what the album version sounds like...
A friend of a friend (the most reliable of sources) was put in charge of going through this music video frame by frame in order to erase any wrinkles or age spots that may suggest that Madonna is, in fact, the age she actually is. Didn't sound like much fun.
@WhitRD: Even if this wasn't literally a friend of your friend, SOMEONE did just that. Because we've all seen the candid shots and homegirl is not looking NEARLY that dewy fresh anymore.
Ya know. I just don't like this song. And I don't think it's going to be growing on me any time soon. Timberland + Timberlake + Duran Duran was far better than this. Sigh.
Wow. I thought 'Die Another Day' was the hook-freeiest song i've ever heard. You'd think with three people writing a song one of them would stumble across something resembling a melody, even by accident.
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