Idolator
Last night on American Idol, Mariah Carey was the mentor/honoree (just in time for the release of E=MC2!), and boy, was it rough going. Randy said at the show's outset that he was "looking for identity," but hidden in that cryptic phrase was an unspoken message: The ladies were pretty much sunk unless they radically reinvented the songs. Rankings and reactions after the jump.
1. Jason Castro. Did a version of "I Don't Wanna Cry" that skipped the Mariah-isms for a take that was probably inspired by a late-night Idol-dorm-room spin of Beck's Mutations My only question: How did Saturday Night Live's producers not include Jason in the sketch about the Jack Johnson-hosted "Mellow Show"? Slap some dreads on Jason Sudeikis and you're golden.
2. David Cook. Hey, I have an idea: Let's remove the most charming part of "Always Be My Baby"—the "bo do doops" on the chorus—and then turn the song into your typical David Cook nu-grunge ballad slog, complete with his version of a "big note" and an unresolved chord at the end! I guess I give him points for originality (there's no Finger Eleven version of this song lurking out there, right?) and not getting tripped up by the Tower Of Mariah that the judges have been erecting week after week. But only a few.
3. Carly Smithson. Clad in a cleavage-revealing, tattoo-covering top, she sang "Without You," and the first half seemed shaky—perhaps because she had to put some restraint into the proceedings. But once the song veered into big-note territory she sounded a bit more comfortable. (Randy actually agreed with me on this point, for what I think is the first time all season.) Of course, she suffered from Simon's inevitable Mariah comparisons. Is this episode designed to just package all the ladies into one big lump of doom? Because it's kinda working.
4. David Archuleta. A very boring, all-big-note version of "When You Believe," which I guess constitutes a "deep cut" since the Mariah-Whitney duet was only on the Prince Of Egypt soundtrack and it peaked at No. 15 here, although a Simon Cowell-produced version went to the top spot in the UK. Tried a falsetto bit that really didn't work, but the judges lapped up his treacle anyway. Were they encouraging him or trying to discourage his crazy fans from calling? (Also: He actually said he "wasn't worthy" of being in Mariah's presence, which made me wonder what an Archie-hosted version of Wayne's World would be like.)
5. Syesha Mercado. Another relatively deep cut—this time, "Vanishing," from Mariah's self-titled debut. (Which, it should be noted, came out 18 years ago.) The second half of the song did not do it for me at all, what with it being just a lot of Syesha nasally wailing the word "vanishing" over and over again, but at least the viewers at home don't have an automatic Mariah comparison to draw on. If any viewers at home even care about Syesha at this point.
6. Brooke White. I'm not really sure what key Brooke's version of "Hero" was supposed to be in at the beginning, although turning it into a piano ballad a la "Imagine" did strip the "Mariah" from it and make the song a little more Brooke-ish. But you could see that she was pretty uncomfortable with the song as a whole, singing off-pitch (especially on that bridge!) and rushing the song in parts, then visibly shaking after she got off the piano bench and almost crying when Simon compared her performance to a Vegetarian Whopper—i.e. no meat. The latter fits in with Paula's proclamation that "every ounce... is totally who [she is]," I think.
7. Kristy Lee Cook. Oh, "Forever." You are so one of my least favorite Mariah songs, because of the way you remind me of the much superior "Always And Forever." And Kristy Lee's awful performance in the lower registers, still-inert personality, bad glitter eyeshadow, and churlishness during her critique pretty much didn't change my "meh" opinion of her overall.
WHO'S GOING HOME: Probably Carly, thanks to early placement in the show and unenthused comments from the judges. But I have a feeling that David Archuleta is going to land in the bottom three, with his fans lulled into a false sense of security thanks to his Mariah-weening and first-up-on-the-show status.
PAULA ABDUL OUT-OF-IT SCALE: 7/10. She seemed OK until Simon's hamburger comment, after which she started saying "Where's the beef" over and over again. Whether the ghost of Clara Peller possessed her in that moment or she was just really peeved about the green room's skimpy deli plate we'll never know.
Comments
"It was a bit like ordering a hamburger and only getting the bun" seriously may have been Simon's best overwrought analogy of the whole season. Brooke White really fell apart, I think she was visibly shaking halfway through the song when the tempo suddenly got faster.
Brooke was horrible. She's so likable but that performance as a wreck. She rushed through it, went off-pitch, SHOOK like hell the entire performance...she's been falling a part every week. This has gotta be it.
I thought this might be Carly's week but I checked Google Trends before bed last night and her song was the #3 search. So I think she's fine. It's gotta be Brooke.
What is with Kristy Lee STILL not messing it up enough to get kicked off?
I so so so want you to be right about Archuleta - I got excited when I saw he was singing first. But c'mon, did you hear that screaming? Ugh. I continue to suspect he's the Underwood of this season - the producers don't want to let on just how much his votes are flattening the competition week after week. But god, would I love to be wrong.
I hated the David Cook "ABMB" and really don't get what the judges heard that I didn't. The entire first half was in an impossible grunge register that was nearly tuneless.
If Brooke hadn't botched that bridge I bet she'd be getting more praise afterward. Honestly, it was the only thing she seriously messed up; in general, she managed to make one of the more hateful up-with-people MC ballads kinda heartfelt. But I'm a fan of Brooke's, so take me with a grain of salt - I tend to cut her too much slack.
When Jason Castro gets out of the Jack Johnson box, he inevitably seems to fall into the Enrique Iglesias box - and I honestly don't know which one is less appealing to me.
I thought the best performance of the night was David Cook, perhaps because of the extra emotional weight of singing those words with his dying brother in the audience. I still wish he'd drop the grunge lower register though and bust out that shocking diva voice that came out of nowhere during the wretched "Shout To The Lord" last week...Maybe he's saving it for his performance of the coronation song, "Today Is My Present", or whatever they are calling it this year...
Oh, P.S. - I predict Syesha's getting tossed this week. A bit counterintuitive, I know, but: Simon's right about "Vanishing" being a bad, what-the-hell pick for this stage, she sang it like an unvarying Mariah imitator, and she went fairly early in the show. It's the classic not-bad-at-all-but-tactically-doomed performance that's been killing off Idol contestants for years.
I'd rather Carly get tossed, but the big notes in the Nilsson song will probably save her, if barely.
@Chris Molanphy: I suspect that the producers are sweetening the crowd noise on him, but what do I know.
@Chris Molanphy: I'm - again - with you on Brooke, and I think that more than anyone else on Idol, she makes the flaws in her voice work for her. Still, seeing her shake like that throughout her performance made me wonder whether she wasn't just going to faint after hitting the last note. Which at this point could be what she needs to stay in the competition...
@Chris Molanphy: I totally agree. Bottom three will be Brooke, Carly and Syesha. And I'd prefer to see Carly go ("Without You" was a golden opportunity and she bungled it), Syesha looks doomed. The judges even muzzled their praise for her with "the song's not well know enough' qualifications. Archuleta landing in the Bottom 3 is wishful thinking.
@Charles A. Hohman: Meant to add a "but" before "Syesha looks doomed."
@Chris Molanphy: I've always loved "Vanishing", and I was a bit surprised Syesha took it on. The Idol audience's likely unfamiliarity with the song will probably both help (they won't know how badly she botched it) and hurt (what song is this?) her, and I think the effects will roughly cancel each other out.
Interesting call on Syesha being likely to go, especially in light of DialIdol's numbers:
Score -- #7: Syesha
Busy Percentage -- #7: Brooke; #6: Syesha
Raw Numbers (total tracked call attempts) -- #7: Syesha
P.S. You all may find it interesting that DialIdol tracked more vote attempts for Brooke than for anyone else. And oddly, Brooke also had the lowest busy percentage. Do all of Brooke's fans have the DialIdol app installed on their computers???
P.P.S. I was so sad that no one attempted any of the songs from Glitter. An opportunity for a classic television moment was missed.
@Rob Murphy: not to mention an opportunity to hear the fantastic song 'i didn't mean to turn you on'!
+ Watch video
actually, come to think of it, david cook giving the robert palmer version the grunge treatment might have been pretty good...
What doomed Brooke, probably, was the whole "singer-songwriter thing" (as the judges kept putting it). It's a singing competition, right? They pay a band to learn the damn songs. Had she stepped away from the piano and just sang the song, she might not have sucked. so. hard.
I thought Cook was kinda awful too--"pitchy" to say the least, and his arrangement of the song was meh--but Simon was right, he is the only one who could get away with making a record right now. The tears were a nice touch.
@tigerpop: the tears made a bit more sense after I saw the shot of his brother (who looks like he has days to live) and thought about the words to that song again.
The look on Brooke's face after the hamburger analogy was priceless. The way initial disappointment morphed into utter confusion, with an ounce of terror. It was like a cup chicks reaction video.
@Maura Johnston:
Yes. Mariah Carey's cover of that song straight up knocks. In fact Glitter's got a host of jams on it that were quickly overlooked thanks to a)Mariah's "break-break-down" (sorry, had to do it) b) the movie (which I have to revisit. Did that judge from Top Chef who dated Mr. Rushdie for a brief wrinkle in time really star in it as well?) AND, of course c) its release date.
@Tauwan: you just blew my mind!!
[www.imdb.com]
@Tauwan:
a)Mariah's "break-break-down"
Ah, July 19, 2001, a day I remember fondly.
Back then, I used to write-up the happenings on TRL for a bunch of friends. This was before "blogging", but that's essentially what it was. It was quite fun.
Here's an excerpt from my 7/19/2001 report:
I don't see my post yet, but here's a link to a photo that describes that joyous, joyous day:
[www.mtv.com]
And, part three...
Jezebel dug up the video clip, but I won't link to that, because, well...
If you want to see it, and it's quite entertaining, you know where to go...
Also, totally SFW.
@Rob Murphy:
Yeah, as a big time Mariah Carey fan [and 17 year old male on summer vacation looking to MTV to put a smile on my face and keep me updated on which Limp Bizkit video is the new hotness], that was really, really awkward to watch. Being 17 and not quite as experienced in life as far as emotions and shit goes, I was confused as all hell ["Superstars aren't supposed to act like that! She's famous and should be immune from the craziness we regular folks so often endure...blah, blah, blah..."] and just shocked. I can only imagine how other young, impressionable Mariah Carey fans felt when watching that.
[Or young impressionable girls who have kept a close eye on Ms. Spears' shenanigans of the past few years...]
It's all good though, for she's "made it through the rain":
+ Watch video
Maybe Britney will too?
@Rob Murphy: You shouldn't. You won't believe all the wank that came from Slut Machine putting "Crazy" in the title of the post.
@Maura: I dislike "Forever." To me it's the hole I drive in after I hear "Melt Away" (from Daydream).
David Blanchuleta winning AI would be the worst thing that could happen to the show. AI is current;y suffering from a lack of credibility, based primarily on Sanjaya and all the fun that Howard Stern had at his expense. The best thing that could happen to the show would be for David Cook to win and become as successful as Daughtry. That's cred. Anything else, doom.
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