Three Genuinely Terrible Songs From Three Genuinely Great Albums

173560.jpgMSNBC has a piece about “terrible songs from great albums.” Immediately, we decided it was bullshit. “Long And Winding Road” sucks, sure, but is Let It Be a classic album? Isn’t it frequently considered the Beatles’ worst? Even though Maura wasn’t like “‘My World’ isn’t terrible” in my IM window , who thinks Use Your Illusion II is the GNR album to grab? (I wouldn’t know, I don’t buy albums with “Estranged” on them.) “Endless, Nameless” wasn’t even on my cassette copy of Nevermind, and plenty of people love it. Calling just one song on Synchronicity embarrassing seems like a cheat, and I think “EXP” is cute as hell. So here are a few truly disgusting tracks from otherwise excellent albums.

“Ken Kaniff (skit)” from Eminem’s The Marshall Mathers LP
If I’m in a sympathetic mood, I can look past ridiculous statements like “But it’s cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose!” and “radio won’t even play my jams!” and see Eminem’s second album as an engaging piece of crude meta, even if I find his debut funnier and less emo. But one track that sure wasn’t going to be mentioned in that VH1 Classic Albums episode was the skit that went “Oh Violent J, don’t bite it! Don’t be violent with it, just suck it…nice and slow. Uhhhh! Oh, fuck yeah, now give it back to Shaggy, he was suckin’ it better…” “Ken Kaniff (skit)” didn’t even succeed in reducing the amount of Juggalos in America, proving its worthlessness.

“My Ding-A-Ling” from Any Chuck Berry Compilation With “My Ding-A-Ling” On It
1972 was the worst year in the history of rock and roll, as it’s the only year in which Chuck Berry had a No. 1 hit with “My Ding-A-Ling.” I have yet to hear an explanation of how this happened that doesn’t make me want to take a humongous shit on America’s head. If it wasn’t his only No. 1 hit, it wouldn’t be stuck on his otherwise sterling retrospectives. Is there anyone who only wants a Chuck Berry comp if it has “My Ding-A-Ling” on it? There are so many things that Americans aren’t told about our history. Why isn’t this one of them?

“No Quarter” from Led Zeppelin’s Houses Of The Holy
I have reason to believe that this song was only included because Led Zeppelin was worried that music fans would start to expect too much from them if they made both the first and second best albums of all time. Also, the portion of their audience made up of drugged-out idiots with no taste who like their sludge interminable and unfettered by hooks might feel alienated by the otherwise beautiful LP.

Terrible songs from great albums [MSNBC]

 
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  1. Elijah-M  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    This thread has turned into a forum for people to display the out-narrow-mind each other.

  2. Elijah-M  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    Excuse me… that should read:
    This thread has turned into a forum for people to out-narrow-mind each other.

  3. R. Morast  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    re: “My Ding-A-Ling” and popularity.

    don’t underestimate the broad appeal of this song. I was at a music festival in Sioux City, Iowa, a couple years ago that featured Chuck Berry. When the Chuckster sang the first chorus of “Ding-A-Ling” every drunk, mouth-breathing redneck in the park crowded the stage area and began singing along. it was easy to assume they were happy to finally be in on the joke.

  4. Anonymous  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    I will go to war for No Quarter. I will lie in jungle-filth, eating bugs and reconsuming my own liquids til my strength leaves me and I depart this sweet earth for No Quarter.

  5. Weezy F Baby  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    you guys are wearing those reply buttons out! this thread is impossible to read!

    so instead i’ll just pitch in my two cents -

    “my little machine” on the thermals’ more parts per million.

    and “super baby” on matthew sweet’s 100% fun.

  6. Chris Molanphy  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    @StuntKockSteeev: Touché. You, my friend, have given the only worthy counterargument.

    @Poubelle: And this, at last, is a choice I can get behind. Lennon at his most embarrassing/gotta-fill-the-album - and it’s a great album.

  7. GhostOfDuane  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    @Lucas Jensen: Good call on Hot Dog. There are also some bad ones on Presence but few would call that a genuinely great album (though I might argue for its inclusion over some other so-called Zep masterpieces).

    Oh and I thought of a new good one — “Look Out Cleveland” from The Band. Big Pink, undeniable classic, but “Cleveland” never did it for me.

  8. Maura Johnston  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    i think ‘anything goes’ is pretty pointless in the context of appetite for destruction, but it misses the ‘genuinely terrible’ mark by a hair.

  9. revmatty  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    I don’t think it’s fair to use a ’skit’ to qualify for worst song on an otherwise brilliant album, because I’ve yet to hear a skit on any album that didn’t completely suck.

    Here’s a tip and a half for the artists (particularly rappers) out there: If you aren’t steadily bringing in more cashflow for your acting and comedy writing chops than you do for your music, stick to the music. Because you suck at the skits.

  10. BakerStreetSaxSolo  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    in some ways I like “It’s Oh So Quiet”, but it sticks out like a really sore and out of place appendage on Post.

  11. NeverEnough  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    “Dressed in Black” off of Depeche Mode’s “Black Celebration”.

  12. Maulleigh  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    The song Famine off of Sinead O’Connor’s Universal Mother is so annoying.

    I’m glad for ipods now where I can just delete the whole song. In the olden days, I had to hit fast forward.

    Universal Mother is a fantastic album.

  13. Adairdevil  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    @mlackey: FTW. “The Girl Is Mine” is by miles the worst song anyone here has mentioned.

  14. NeverEnough  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    @GrioirDoibin: Good call on the New Order tracks.

    And nobody has mentioned “Moby Dick”? Granted, Bonham was an incredible drummer but, really, how many times has anyone sat through that song willingly?

  15. Thierry  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    I’m surprised we’ve come this far without mentioning “Song 2″ on Blur’s self-titled album.

    Actually, I have two better picks – both courtesy of one Michael Love:
    - “Transcendental Meditation” on the Beach Boys’ Friends
    - “Student Demonstration Time” on Surf’s Up.

  16. AcidReign  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

        I was 12 years old when “My Ding-a-ling” came out. My brother and I thought it was the funniest damned thing we had ever heard! That’s how they used to sell singles… “The Streak,” “Earache My Eye,” Hall ‘n’ Oates’ “Bitch Girl,” etc.

        I was never a huge “Houses of the Holy” fan, but “The Ocean” is one of my all-time favorite riffs. And back in the 1970s, you’d get serious props if you could play the guitar part from “The Rain Song.” Same for getting on the school’s old Wurlitzer EP, and banging out “No Quarter.” Personally, I liked the live version of “No Quarter,” on the “Song Remains the Same” soundtrack, better.

  17. Fried Bologna Is Back!  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    “I have yet to hear an explanation of how this happened that doesn’t make me want to take a humongous shit on America’s head.”

    Chuck Berry approves, and would like a videotape.

  18. BigRicks  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    You See Me Crying off of Toys in the Attic always warrants a skip for me.

    Hard to believe this was the third single off that album. The others? Sweet Emotion, Walk This Way, Toys in the Attic.

  19. NeverEnough  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    @Fried Bologna Is Back!: Have you ever seen the “Johnny P. Good” bootleg video? I’ve been looking for it for ages and have yet to see his, um, ding-a-ling.

  20. Clevertrousers  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    Never much liked “Lay It Down Clown” on Tim.

  21. Anonymous  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    “It’s So Quiet” is SO stupid, and on SUCH a great record..I mean, c’mon. That’s a great call.

    BigRicks: How about “Big 10 Inch” off Toys in the Attic?

    (…No Quarter’s one of my favorite songs on that album. As heavy as the…Nordic warriors?… in the lyric. Everyone in the band gets a star turn, and takes it.)

  22. drjimmy11  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    1972 was the worst year in the history of rock and roll
    Seriously?? Ziggy Stardust came out that year. That alone is worth more to me than all the rock music total made from 1980 until today.

    And, the White Album has some straight-up bullshit on it. “Wild Honey Pie” anyone??

  23. drjimmy11  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    Oh and what about “the trial” off The Wall??

    How do you sum up a great, heartbreakingly depressing concept album about childhood trauma and the resulting loss of identity?

    Why with a mostly-spoken six minute track about the protagonist being put on trial by a gigantic talking butthole, of course!

  24. Anonymous  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    “It’s So Quiet” is SO bad and on SUCH a strong album…

    and wait. No Quarter is friggin’ awesome! As heavy as the … Nordic warriors? … in the lyric. But whatever. Everyone in the band gets a moment in the arrangement for a star turn, and each takes it. There are worse songs on that record… looking at you, Crunge.

  25. Lucas Jensen  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    @Thierry: Good call on the Beach Boys. God almighty those are bad. You forgot “Take A Load Off Your Feet, Pete” from Surf’s Up, too.

  26. Is this it? is an “otherwise great album”??

  27. Anonymous  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    I know some of the biggest Pavement fans in the world can’t stand “5-4=Unity” off Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain. I don’t mind it that much, though.

  28. Sean Carruthers  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    “Interzone” is actually one of my favourite songs off of Unknown Pleasures. More proof that this is entirely subjective I guess.

    That said, I don’t know anyone who’ll rep for the Police’s “Mother”.

  29. baconfat  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    @JZ13: I always thought “Hit The Plane Down” was the pariah track, but then again I know some pretty big fans of that song, too. But I don’t know any 5-4 haters.

  30. NeverEnough  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    @Sean Carruthers: Andy Sumner wouldn’t even vouch for it.

  31. prolixrush  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    “Embarrassing” (your word) and “terrible” (the word chosen to describe the songs selected by MSNBC) have two completely different meanings. Why are you hatin’ so hard on Synchronicity, anyway?

    This is not a flame, just an opinion from someone who’s been reading Idolator since its inception – this post, in conjunction with the credit to friggin’ NME on the Ryan Adams tumblr “news” (I mean, srsly?! It’s been all over the web for more than 36 hours at this point), has destroyed any trust in the depth and breadth of your musical knowledge. I miss Jess. Also Brian. Please don’t leave, Maura.

  32. Clevertrousers  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    @GrioirDoibin: How about all of Fear of a Black Planet besides “Fight The Power”? I hated that rekkid.

  33. aprilsimnel  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    Fables of the Reconstruction has on it “Kahoutek,” a song that makes me want to stab my eardrums with an icepick.

  34. Anonymous  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    Lots of possibilities, really:

    Velvet Underground- “Train Comin’ Around the Bend”
    Joy Division- “Interzone”
    New Order– both “Ultraviolence” and “Ecstasy” (luckily the rest of the album more than makes up for it)
    Tom Waits- “Blind Love”
    The Replacements- “Gary’s Got a Boner”
    (I know all of the theoretical conceptual reasons as to why you aren’t supposed to hiold songs like that against them. It still seriously messes up the latter half of “Let it Be.”)

    And finally, A Nirvana trilogy: “Mr. Moustache,” “Lounge Act,” and “Tourette’s”

    I was going to suggest Public Enemy’s “Pollywanacraka,” but I just noticed that article mentioned it. So I’ll submit “Can’t Do Nuttin’ for Ya Man” instead.

  35. Anonymous  |   Posted on Apr 18th, 2008

    @GrioirDoibin:

    Yeah, this is clearly subjective. I love both Blind Love and Gary’s Got a Boner.

  36. Chris N.  |   Posted on Apr 17th, 2008

    “Pray” totally ruins ‘Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em.’

  37. Anonymous  |   Posted on Apr 19th, 2008

    @Clevertrousers:

    I’ve got to keep “Welcome to the Terrordome” and “Burn Hollywood Burn” as well. But I tend to agree with you– I’ve never understood the reputation that album has, whether now or dating all the way back to when I bought it the day it came out (which also happened to be my 18th birthday– what a let down). I mean, I think that “Apocalypse ‘91″ is better than “Black Planet,” let alone how it compares to the 1st two albums.

    And there isn’t enough hip-hp on this list (skits should be disqualified from the get-go, in my opinion). So:

    NWA- “Something 2 Dance 2″
    LL Cool J- “The Power of God”
    Run DMC- “Dumb Girl”
    De La Soul- “This is a Recording 4 Living in a Fulltime era”
    Tribe Called Quest- “Skypager”
    Wu-Tang Clan- “Clan in Da Front”

    The Beastie Boys are too easy, so let’s skip them. I guess that’s true also with so many hip-hop albums after the early to mid-90s or so– there’s a point when so many of them just got so long that this sort of exercise becomes a bit pointless. So I give up…

    Since there seem to be Replacements fans among us, let’s do a special tribute to this most inconsistent of all time great bands (I saw them 4 times back in the day, and each time they were feckin amazin, so I’m not coming from sort of anti-’Mats bias here):

    “Love You til Friday”
    “Stuck in the Middle”
    “You Lose”
    I’m hanging on to “Gary’s Got a Boner” as the essence of everything occasionally annoying about the band, though I will concede everything else there is flawless, even the Kiss cover
    “Dose of Thunder” and “Lay it Down Clown”
    “Shooting Dirty Pool” and “Red Red Wine”
    “Asking Me Lies” (actually, lots of possibilities here)
    (Don’t even know if I should bother at this point but) “My Little Problem”

    The concept of subjectivity is overrated…

  38. Chris N.  |   Posted on Apr 20th, 2008

    I’ve listened to “Moby Dick” approximately one kajillion times. The studio version, anyway.

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