Three Genuinely Terrible Songs From Three Genuinely Great Albums
MSNBC has a piece about “terrible songs from great albums.” Immediately, we decided it was bullshit. “Long And Winding Road” sucks, sure, but is Let It Be a classic album? Isn’t it frequently considered the Beatles’ worst? Even though Maura wasn’t like “‘My World’ isn’t terrible” in my IM window , who thinks Use Your Illusion II is the GNR album to grab? (I wouldn’t know, I don’t buy albums with “Estranged” on them.) “Endless, Nameless” wasn’t even on my cassette copy of Nevermind, and plenty of people love it. Calling just one song on Synchronicity embarrassing seems like a cheat, and I think “EXP” is cute as hell. So here are a few truly disgusting tracks from otherwise excellent albums.
• “Ken Kaniff (skit)” from Eminem’s The Marshall Mathers LP If I’m in a sympathetic mood, I can look past ridiculous statements like “But it’s cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose!” and “radio won’t even play my jams!” and see Eminem’s second album as an engaging piece of crude meta, even if I find his debut funnier and less emo. But one track that sure wasn’t going to be mentioned in that VH1 Classic Albums episode was the skit that went “Oh Violent J, don’t bite it! Don’t be violent with it, just suck it…nice and slow. Uhhhh! Oh, fuck yeah, now give it back to Shaggy, he was suckin’ it better…” “Ken Kaniff (skit)” didn’t even succeed in reducing the amount of Juggalos in America, proving its worthlessness.
• “My Ding-A-Ling” from Any Chuck Berry Compilation With “My Ding-A-Ling” On It 1972 was the worst year in the history of rock and roll, as it’s the only year in which Chuck Berry had a No. 1 hit with “My Ding-A-Ling.” I have yet to hear an explanation of how this happened that doesn’t make me want to take a humongous shit on America’s head. If it wasn’t his only No. 1 hit, it wouldn’t be stuck on his otherwise sterling retrospectives. Is there anyone who only wants a Chuck Berry comp if it has “My Ding-A-Ling” on it? There are so many things that Americans aren’t told about our history. Why isn’t this one of them?
• “No Quarter” from Led Zeppelin’s Houses Of The Holy I have reason to believe that this song was only included because Led Zeppelin was worried that music fans would start to expect too much from them if they made both the first and second best albums of all time. Also, the portion of their audience made up of drugged-out idiots with no taste who like their sludge interminable and unfettered by hooks might feel alienated by the otherwise beautiful LP.
Terrible songs from great albums [MSNBC]
