MSNBC has a piece about “terrible songs from great albums.” Immediately, we decided it was bullshit. “Long And Winding Road” sucks, sure, but is Let It Be a classic album? Isn’t it frequently considered the Beatles’ worst? Even though Maura wasn’t like “‘My World’ isn’t terrible” in my IM window , who thinks Use Your Illusion II is the GNR album to grab? (I wouldn’t know, I don’t buy albums with “Estranged” on them.) “Endless, Nameless” wasn’t even on my cassette copy of Nevermind, and plenty of people love it. Calling just one song on Synchronicity embarrassing seems like a cheat, and I think “EXP” is cute as hell. So here are a few truly disgusting tracks from otherwise excellent albums.
• “Ken Kaniff (skit)” from Eminem’s The Marshall Mathers LP
If I’m in a sympathetic mood, I can look past ridiculous statements like “But it’s cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose!” and “radio won’t even play my jams!” and see Eminem’s second album as an engaging piece of crude meta, even if I find his debut funnier and less emo. But one track that sure wasn’t going to be mentioned in that VH1 Classic Albums episode was the skit that went “Oh Violent J, don’t bite it! Don’t be violent with it, just suck it…nice and slow. Uhhhh! Oh, fuck yeah, now give it back to Shaggy, he was suckin’ it better…” “Ken Kaniff (skit)” didn’t even succeed in reducing the amount of Juggalos in America, proving its worthlessness.
• “My Ding-A-Ling” from Any Chuck Berry Compilation With “My Ding-A-Ling” On It
1972 was the worst year in the history of rock and roll, as it’s the only year in which Chuck Berry had a No. 1 hit with “My Ding-A-Ling.” I have yet to hear an explanation of how this happened that doesn’t make me want to take a humongous shit on America’s head. If it wasn’t his only No. 1 hit, it wouldn’t be stuck on his otherwise sterling retrospectives. Is there anyone who only wants a Chuck Berry comp if it has “My Ding-A-Ling” on it? There are so many things that Americans aren’t told about our history. Why isn’t this one of them?
• “No Quarter” from Led Zeppelin’s Houses Of The Holy
I have reason to believe that this song was only included because Led Zeppelin was worried that music fans would start to expect too much from them if they made both the first and second best albums of all time. Also, the portion of their audience made up of drugged-out idiots with no taste who like their sludge interminable and unfettered by hooks might feel alienated by the otherwise beautiful LP.
Terrible songs from great albums [MSNBC]
The Crunge is worse than No Quarter. And Hats Off to Roy Harper is worse than the Crunge.
Oooh. I’d like to nominate Big Star for “The India Song” from #1 Record.
[upload.wikimedia.org]
“Immediately, we decided it was bullshit.”
Wasn’t that a foregone conclusion? Did you even have to read it?
“the jitters” - the dismemberment plan (emergency and i) is a truly terrible song.
D’yer Maker is the shitty song from HOTH. Dancing Days ain’t too hot either.
“Going Mobile” from Who’s Next, if only because it’s spawned way too many fucking ringtones.
“For No One” on “Revolver”
@quadrophenia718: Any musical faux pas by The Who is immediately remedied by “A Quick One While He’s Away”. I could listen to that every single day forever.
@FionaScrapple: Madness, as is dissing “The Crunge.”
@NeverEnough: Hey, I love “For No One”. Lyrically, it’s brilliantly self-indulgent and musically, it’s really simple and strangely catchy.
I think the crown has to go to “The Girl Is Mine” from Thriller. That song is worse, and the album better, than anything on this list.
@quadrophenia718: I have an unfair bias against Paul McCartney (thanks to a Paul-obsessed ex-boyfriend). Plus, I’ve always been a George freak.
@NeverEnough: ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?
@jasmine: Good one!
@jasmine: +1
The problem with this is that it just ends up being a “worst song by favorite artist” kinda thing… the whole “best album” part gets thrown out the window. For example, I was about to nominate “Overpowered by Funk,” till I thought about it and decided that “Combat Rock” really isn’t consistent enough to be considered genuinely great.
God, though… that song.
@tigerpop: *ducks* Sorry! You know how you can’t eat a certain food after getting food poisoning because of the bad association? It’s a similar thing with the ex-boyfriend and Paul… and I hate him for ruining that for me.
Wow they are totally off base with No Quarter. Each Zep album has its stinkers but this aint one of ‘em. No Quarter even has some lyrics that make sense and aren’t totally inane. Clearly “Dyer Maker” is the worst song on HOTH and possibly the worst song in their whole catalog (of those songs that get radio play, at least).
I’d give my vote to Neil, who never released an album without including at least one ridiculous/awful song for good measure (though he probably did so intentionally). like “Welfare Mothers” for instance.
“Going Mobile” is definitely a good call too.
@Royfromage: “The Crunge” is truly the only Zep song I can’t get some worth out of. It’s been that way since I was seven years old, and every so often, I go back, thinking I’ve learned something that will provide me the context to label it as an unheralded classic. And halfway through, every time, I give up and skip to “Dancing Days”. Even more terrifying is that on vinyl, that was the last song on side A. Who’s going to flip the record hoping for more or that???
I never feel like putting on Get Ready by New Order because they let Bill Corgan whine all over it.
“Any Colour You Like” from Dark Side of the Moon. This slice of indulgent synth-twiddling interrupts one of the greatest Side B’s in history: “Money”, “Us and Them”, “Any Colour” and “Brain Damage/Eclipse”. One of these things is not like the other….
@StuntKockSteeev: Where’s the confounded SONG?
@FionaScrapple: But d’yer maker was supposed to be ironic? So it doesn’t count?
@NeverEnough: OK, sure, but doesn’t the French horn part just turn you inside out? You’re half-right about “A Quick One.” any live version of that song (esp. Rock and Roll Circus) is about the best thing you’ll ever hear by anyone, ever. But the album version is just OK, as is the album it’s on.
@NickEddy: Whine all over one song?
@FionaScrapple: Sorry to pile on, but I’m piling on.
I always thought “Here Comes Your Man,” cast a shadow on Doolittle.
@Ned Raggett:
I thought that after I wrote it.
Still: the dread creeps in, knowing his track lurks, and keeps the album safely tucked away.
Also, Sgt Pepper is the most overexposed record on earth, but I hasten to add “Within You, Without you.” Life’s too short for that one.
Can someone explain to me how this comments thread is turning into the I-only-hate-the-single-cuz-popularity-is-for-douches-and-nonfans bitch parade?
“D’yer Maker”? “Going Mobile”? “Here Comes Your Effin’ Man”? Seriously?!
This is like saying, “Yeah, The Godfather is a great piece of cinema, but that scene everybody talks about in the restaurant with the gun, pfft.”
@Chris Molanphy: That’s was I was thinking. “Here Comes Your Man” is probably not the best song on Doolittle, but “geninely terrible”? Surely not. Hell, its probably not even the worst song on the album. And, Doolittle is so great, even the “worst” song would be better than most songs out there.
I’ve always heard The Crunge and D’Yer Maker as tongue-in-cheek genre pastiches. In that regard, I think they come off rather well. Dancing Days, on the other hand, is pure shit.
Maxwell’s Silver Hammer?
@Darth Funk: Surely you’re not serious?
@GhostOfDuane: Ever heard Hot Dog?
@whoneedslight: An AWESOME shadow? Are you serious? Doolittle is wall-to-freaking-wall.
@Chris Molanphy: Agreed. I find the Crunge to be genuinely stupefying, but Dancing Days and D’yer Maker and No Quarter TERRIBLE? No way in hell.
Have to agree with Big Star’s The India Song - what a total embarrassment that tune is. Also, I always get pilloried for insisting that Meat is Murder is The Smiths best album, but even I can’t defend Barbarism Begins at Home.
Isn’t it cheating to include a skit in the list?
And I think every single song on Can’t Buy a Thrill ruined what would otherwise have been an excellent album.
Oh, how the hell did The Gift end up on that list? It’s only the greatest short story put to music ever.
i think the medley of american folk songs that ends ABBA’s third album might be the worst song ever on a great album.
i don’t know those led zeppelin songs you’re all talking about, though.
also, do people really not like Lovesong and Jimmy Jazz? i had no idea.
@cyruscope: Wha? Barbarism Begins at Home the worst track? B-b-but…what about the title track!?!
Octopus’ Garden FTW!
@righteousmaelstrom: Well, maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always been a sucker for songs with slaughterhouse sound effects.
Everyone else has beaten me to the “WTF ‘No Quarter’ is great” punch, so I’ll waste my time to refute this instead:
1972 was the worst year in the history of rock and roll, as it’s the only year in which Chuck Berry had a No. 1 hit with “My Ding-A-Ling.”
I believe that this was entirely cancelled out and then compensated for simply via the existence of Blue Oyster Cult’s “Cities on Flame With Rock and Roll”, from their ‘72 debut.
@Chris Molanphy: Isn’t that kind of the whole point of a list like this anyway, though? To go through and mercilessly mock all of the weak, skipable songs on otherwise brilliant albums? I mean yeah, “Going Mobile” is a better song than some Partridge Family B-Side, but I don’t think I’m stretching it when I point out that it’s not one of Townshend’s stronger song-writing efforts.
@Chris Molanphy: I completely agree, though only as far as guitar rock goes. As the only man alive that thinks “Trap Muzik” is a modern classic, hip hop is singular in it’s ability to produce a stultifyingly bad single, in an effort to get clueless white women on board. I call it the Jazze Pha effect.
@natepatrin: Ha ha, totally.
“Never Had No One Ever” off “The Queen is Dead.” Whenever I read something like, “Morrissey is lapsing into self-parody, I just think, ‘You’re saying this *now*?”
I’m not sure why everyone is dumping on Houses of the Holy and forgetting that “Living Loving Maid” off of II is a much worse song off of a much stronger album.
“Run For Your Life” off of Rubber Soul. Luckily, it’s the last track, so it’s easy to pretend it’s not there.
“Toilet Tisha” Outkast ~ Stankonia
“Speed Demon” Michael Jackson ~ Bad
“Love You To” the Beatles ~ Revolver
“Love Me Till the Sun Shines” the Kinks ~ Something Else