In honor of Madonna’s “highly sexed up” cover for Hard Candy, Gigwise put up a list of 50 album covers they consider the “dirtiest and sexiest” ever. Unsurprisingly, naked women outnumber naked men by a rather large margin. But with rare exception, the appearance of a naked man is used as comedy. What, no shirtless Jim Morrison? No I’m In You? Check out what passes for beefcake with these guys (NSFW!!).
42. Morrissey, Your Arsenal
“Morrissey appears topless and vulnerable, neither dispelling nor confirming rumours surrounding his sexuality as his posture is effete while his body toning is masculine. His microphone looks extremely phallic too.”
28. Herbie Mann, Push Push
“Flouting his thick curly chest hair and ominously holding his flute as if it’s some kind of sex toy, to us at least, it’s stomach-churningly cheesy. Mr Mann seems to be pleased with himself. The dirty bugger.”
26. Lords Of Acid, Crablouse
“A curious male naked form, with a female hand seemingly coming out of nowhere and grabbing the genital region, it’s just plain baffling.”
15. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Abbey Road EP
“We just wonder what they’re hiding?”
13. Prince, Lovesexy
“The site [sic] of Prince unclothed is enough to send many-a-woman or gay man weak at the knees, and that’s exactly what we got back in 1989: the pint sized music icon completely bollocks naked.”
8. Rolling Stones, Sticky Fingers
“The well-endowed chap in question is apparently Joe Dallesandro and not Mick Jagger who is apparently hung like a mouse.”
7. Kevin Rowland, My Beauty
“While many claimed it was merely a publicity stunt, the former Dexys man denied saying he was trying to display his ’soft, sexy, feminine side’. It sold about two copies upon its 1999 release. Literally.”
1. Liars, It Fit When I Was A Kid
“Although we don’t think Angus Andrew and co are into sexing each other up, they sure look like they’re enjoying themselves.”
Naked men! So funny! Within this group, there are arguably three covers (Morrissey, Prince, Rolling Stones) where male nudity isn’t taken as absurd, intentionally or otherwise. The same can’t be said of most the boob, butt, and beaver shots that compile the rest of the list. So what would a list that didn’t find chest hair inherently ridiculous include? Al Green’s Greatest Hits? Raw Power? Uhh, umm… a little help?
Sex Sells: The 50 Dirtiest and Sexiest Album Covers Ever!! [Gigwise]
Thanks Idolator for my daily dose of hot dude-on-dude-on-dude action.
Pile Up by Pansy Division. The first Smiths album is way sexier than Your Arsenal. So is Meat Is Murder for that matter.
They forgot Rod McKuen’s infamous Slide…Easy In, which is only an arm and a consumer product and yet OH MY:
[discodelivery.blogspot.com]
What? No Princess Tinymeat?
What? What? No MANOWAR? Jeez…
I’m guessing their site is getting Digged to death. I can’t click through 50 extremely slow-loading jpegs! They should have a text-list! I hope they included my favorite:
[en.wikipedia.org]
Let’s see if I can do better…
[upload.wikimedia.org]
That liars cover is making me queasy.
Don’t forget Bowie’s noticeably male Diamond Dog, and the Tin Machine II cover.
Suede’s Dog Man Star.
Marc Bolan’s tumescent tank turret on T-Rex’s Tanx.
Serge Gainsbourg’s L’Homme À Tête De Chou if cabbage-headed statues count. As they should.