Coldplay’s forthcoming Viva la Vida, or Death and All His Friends has the Guardian moaning about the curse of the bad album title, raising the spectre of the Smashing Pumpkins’ Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, Fiona Apple’s When The Pawn…, and Public Enemy’s Muse Sick-n-Hour Mess Age to make the case that Vida’s awkward title will probably sink the album, sales-wise. (Well, at least EMI will have something else to blame for the inevitably disappointing numbers besides “softening market conditions.”) But surely we’ve all bought unfortunately titled albums in an effort to look past awkward syntax and bad puns by musicians whose output we trust? I know I have, so after the jump, I run down five owned-by-me full-lengths that I generally only refer to as “that album by those guys, you know which one I mean.” (For what it’s worth, the best-titled in my collection is Ill Ease’s All Systems A-Go-Go!, but that particular honor can change at any moment.)
5. Metrotone, The Less You Have, The More You Are. A not-little-enough bit of undergraduate pretension that may inadvertently explain why I kept running into this album in used bins all over the place.
4. Sukpatch, Haulin’ Grass And Smokin’ Ass. Lovely album, pity about the name. Also, how has Snoop Dogg not repurposed this title for his own purposes yet?
3. Robbie Williams, The Ego Has Landed. The self-deprecation might have worked a little better if a) the title was half as witty as that bestowed upon Butch Walker’s Left Of Self-Centered; b) Ego hadn’t actually crash-landed on American shores.
2. Extreme, Extreme III Sides To Every Story. It’s always the albums with the roman numeral for “three” in the title that trip up Gary Cherone, isn’t it?
1. Electric Boys, Funk-O-Metal Carpet Ride. Try saying that album title with a straight face. I can’t and I’ve owned the album for nineteen years. That said, any excuse to post “All Lips ‘N Hips” is OK by me.
The perils of the pretentious album title [Guardian]
How about the ever-sensitive Motley Crue naming their box set “Music To Crash Your Car To” after Vince Neil killed his buddy in a drunk driving accident? It’s a bit of a different type of bad album title than those above, but it takes the cake for me.
@GhostOfDuane: 100% agreed, and I’m kicking myself for not including it. (In my admittedly weak defense, it’s in slipcases so I wasn’t reminded of the title during my spine-scan an hour ago.)
@Maura Johnston: No one should ever kick themselves for not writing about Motley Crue.
6. Any Modest Mouse album title.
I think the Smashing Pumpkins ref is off the mark. Granted, an AWFUL (and awfully pretentious) name, but didn’t that thing sell like a gazillion copies?
Hootie and The Blowfish “Fairweather Johnson”
“Oooh… on the TLC Tip”?
What, no [i]Zingalamaduni[/i}?
Felt (the 80s UK band fronted by Lawrence) wins this all the way through.
Every Van Halen album title?
Also, I kinda think Enema of the State is a fantastic title and Take Off Your Pants and Jacket belongs on this list, but I really have nothing to support my position and I could easily go vice versa.
Whether you were a fan or not, let’s not forget about Limp Bizkit’s unfortunately titled “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water.” [Did I get that right? Do you truly care if I did or not?] I believe this was post Significant Other’s success, meaning that upon this album’s release the world was growing less and less interested in what Fred and the boys had to say. Correlation between that and the album title? I’ll let you be judge.
@stephenbush: Lonesome Crowded West is the perfect title for that record. The rest are debatable, but that’s too good to slur, sir.
When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king
What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight
And he’ll win the whole thing before he enters the ring
There’s no body to batter when your mind is your might
So when you go solo, you hold your own hand
And remember that depth is the greatest of heights
And if you know where you stand, then you know where to land
And if you fall it won’t matter, cuz you know that you’re right
@mackro: HERESY!
okay, no, there are some bad ones (”let the snakes crinkle their heads…” comes to mind), but “Splendor of Fear” is actually one of my favorite album titles of all time.
@spinachdip: Enema of the State is an awesome title, and doesn’t belong here, but Take Off Your Pants and Jacket just might.
I just had a discussion over the weekend about the lameness of Mellon Collie… or maybe just the pretentiousness. Bad all around, regardless of sales.
@spinachdip: I should really learn to read.
@Maura: Your love of the Electric Boys will forgive you any sin you may ever commit.
Ted Nugent’s ‘Intensities in Ten Cities’ is both the best and worst album title ever.
Dan Deacon’s “Spiderman of the Rings”. Really now?
I think it’s a great album, but I still don’t know what the point of calling something ‘Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga’ is. But the old Brit anarcho-punk band Flux of Pink Indians doubtlessly wins the prize of both best and worst title of all time with their second album ‘The Fucking Cunts Treat Us like Pricks.’
Megadeth’s had some pretty bad offenses. “Youthanasia” and “United Abominations” are so tenth-grade vague-political-angst it’s almost funny. Plus, their first three consecutive albums had ellipses in the titles, which is just overkill.
@whoneedslight: And sadly, that isn’t even the worst Smashing Pumpkins title. That honor belongs to Machina: The Machines of God. Woof.
And anything by Jimmy Buffett.
It’s always driven me crazy that there’s an Ani Difranco album titled “Up Up Up Up Up Up” instead of “Up Up Up Up Up.” That sixth “Up” gives me fits.
@whoneedslight:
Sea Shanties and Wet Panties!
A Nod Is as Good as a Wink…To a Blind Horse.
Yo La Tengo’s, “I Am Not Afraid Of You and I Will Beat Your Ass.”
good album though.
Just saw this album title and thought it was horrible AudioVent’s “Dirty Sexy Knights in Paris” …seriously night sans the K wasn’t good enough
Our Lady Peace:
“Happiness Is Not A Fish You Can Catch”
Canada’s very worst.
Double shot from REO Speedwagon:
1978’s You can’t Tune a Piano, but you can Tuna Fish
And 1990’s The Earth, A Small Man, His Dog and a Chicken