Former Schoolteacher Gene Simmons Assigns 200-Word Essay On Whores

Usually, if you wanted Gene Simmons on your voicemail, all you had to do is tell one of his security people that you’d like to blow him. Now there’s a more hygenic way to get the God Of Thunder’s attention: write 200 words about whether or not you like prostitution! In order to promote his upcoming book on the subject Ladies Of The Night, Gene is asking for his more literate fans to provide him with a 200-word “essay” offering their own take (my advice to would-be winners? I’d go with “pro”). The finest blurb will win its writer various Gene Simmons products and a “personalized digital voicemail recording.” “IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS!” says Phoenix Books. Better than an STD, I guess.

First Place: – A personalized digital voicemail recording from Gene Simmons – An autographed copy of Gene Simmons new book, “Ladies of the Night” – An autographed copy of “A&E’s Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels: The Best of Season 1 & 2” – A month’s supply of Frank’s Energy Drink – Loads of Gene Simmons swag

Second and Third Place: – An autographed copy of Ladies of the Night – A basket of Gene Simmons swag

Potential Gene Simmons voicemail messages:

“Hi, I’m Gene Simmons and —— knows more about whoring than I do.”

“Hi, I’m Gene Simmons and —— can’t come to the phone right now because I’m fucking her from behind while wearing a t-shirt.”

“Hi, I’m Gene Simmons. ——- wrote 200 words about prostitution to get me on their voicemail. It’s something you should know before leaving this person a message.”

Ladies of the night: Good Or Bad? [Phoenix Audio via The Daily Swarm]