Late last week, I was out walking to a movie in downtown Seattle when I got the following text message from a friend in Minneapolis who works in a hotel restaurant: “Haha. I served and got hit on by brother marquis of 2 live crew. Get this, he was in town because he is being charged for sexual harassment by a woman from a club.” I had to ask for further details. Here, pretty much verbatim, is what my friend told me.

The restaurant was completely empty. He walked in and was shouting through the restaurant for someone to seat him. I came around the corner and said something about him being a troublemaker. “Troublemaker?” he said. “I’m no troublemaker, baby.” Clearly, right?

I was the only server on, so he was in my station. I’d seen him with the attorney Meshbesher. My coworkers and I were trying to decide what he was there for. I don’t know if any of us said sexual harassment; we thought it might be theft. I don’t know what all was guessed. But Meshbesher isn’t a small name. He advertises everywhere; my coworkers were saying, “He must have a lot of money to get Meshbesher.” He came in for lunch after meeting with Meshbesher.

He seemed in a pretty good mood. That day he was quiet and didn’t say much. The next day he came in started talking about how he was at the club the previous night, and how Minnesota women are crazy. I said, “Well, maybe it’s just you.” I asked what he was in town for, and he said, “I’m talking to Meshbesher about a sexual harassment case.” That’s when I found out it was Brother Marquis. He was talking about how they did a gig at some club in, I believe, Inver Grove Heights. Some girl was up on stage was dancing with him or grinding on him, whatever he said. She accused him of touching her inappropriately. Meanwhile, he’s saying “baby” this and “baby” that, and I thought, “Huh. I couldn’t imagine you being charged with sexual harassment.”

His idea of dressing up for Meshbesher, because you’re supposed to look appropriate, was to look like Samuel L. Jackson or something, wearing a silk shirt and a hat–like a fisherman’s cap, but backward. Which we were all laughing at, mind you. He was dressed like that, talking to a lawyer. The next day he came in all thugged out. He was talking about, why would he do that to a woman? He’s been dealing with women for 20 years with his group. He was saying, for some reason he always has problems with women. I told him, “Maybe it’s you.” He just laughed: “No, I don’t think so.”

As he was leaving, he said, “All right, baby, I’ll be back October 20.” I muttered under my breath, “I’ll take the day off.” Fucking cartoon character. It was definitely entertaining, though.

2 Live Crew, “Me So Horny” [YouTube]