Idolator

Known nationally as a second-rate Girls Gone Wild location, South Padre Island, Texas, could probably use an image makeover. But is it any better to be known as That Place With the Music Festival for Middle-Aged Dudes With Ponytails? Because the lineup for the second-annual South Padre International Music Festival has been announced, and it smells like warm beer and stale cigarettes. Press release after the jump.

The South Padre International Music Festival (SPI Music Fest) announced today the initial lineup for the 2008 festival, which will take place October 31st through November 2nd on the beautiful beaches of South Padre Island, TX. ... The second annual international music festival will be spread out over more than 10 venues across the island, giving music fans a chance to spend their Halloween weekend on warm, white sand beaches surrounded by turquoise water. Attendees can look forward to a wide array of stunning musicians, and take advantage of windsurfing, kiteboarding, scuba diving, sea kayaking, deep-sea fishing and vibrant nightlife in the 70-degree breeze.

My family has vacationed in South Padre for about twenty years, and I've yet to witness these alleged "white sand beaches surrounded by turquoise water." There's nothingwrong with the beaches, but they're certainly never going to pass for a Sandals commercial set (thank God).

A truly honest press release would read something like "The second annual international music festival will be spread out over more than 10 venues, giving music fans a chance to spend their Halloween weekend on a small island with average beaches, a few decent fried seafood restaurants, a three-screen movie theater that they will eventually visit out of idle boredom, and a couple of over-priced grocery stores for lazy tourists who don't want to cross the bridge to the mainland for the H-E-B."

Anyway, here's the lineup:

Willie Nelson
Foghat
Los Lonely Boys
Blue Oyster Cult
Ghostland Observatory
Alejandro Escovedo
Del Castillo
Grupo Fantasma
Fastball
Sara Hickman
Vallejo
Airline
meridianwest
Nakia & His Southern Cousins
Pelican West
The Last Vegas
Ginger Leigh
Twanguero
Bongodogs
Stewart Mann & the Statesboro Review
James Speer
Big Burn
Brownout
Phillip Thomas Kellogg
Suzanna Choffel
Eric Hanke
Bree Stevens

I'm torn here as to whether I should make a cutting remark about the the term "early-bird discount" (many of these bands are for old people!), or a wisecrack about paying $70 to see Fastball. The banality is clogging my senses. Let's make it a choose your own adventure joke and call it a day.

South Padre International Music Festival [Official site]