Hey There Bad Fashion, What’s It Like At Kohl’s?

plainwhite.jpgEver wonder what it’s like to write a saccharine-sweet acoustic guitar pop song comparing a girl you allegedly like to the consumerist cesspool that is Times Square, then be destined never to match its success again? Well, if you’re a 13-year-old boy at the mercy of your well-meaning mother, you can now approximate this experience by shopping at Kohl’s, which now has via the Plain White T’s-inspired clothing line Urban Pipeline on its racks. Part of the same cringe-worthy campaign as the hoodie-stricken Avril line (”Inspired by the artists…worn by you”), the Plain White T’s line features only the finest in bro training wear, plus the obligatory formal t-shirt.

I’ve assembled an outfit from the Urban Pipeline section of Kohl’s Web site. Just imagine you’re a young man gearing up for the first day of 8th grade, and you’re determined to express that you’re serious about acoustic melodies.

First you put on your shirt.
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It’s plain, it’s white, it’s 100% non-threatening and blandly appealing. Perfect.

Now your shorts.
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Camo conveys strength. You’re a man despite your wimpy music.

You always get cold while sitting in class, so you make sure to put on your new hoodie.
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It says, “Hey, I want to be Pete Wentz.”

And, finally, you wouldn’t want to be ill-prepared in case of a sudden extreme sports situation, so you grab your new shades.
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Rockin’.

Now you’re all set to appeal to girls, sensitive boys, and total bros who occasionally like a break from Nickleback. But what about formal dances? Dude, got you covered:

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This is the signature Plain White T’s shirt in the collection. Your mom thought it was cute.

Back To School 2008 [Kohl's]
New Kohls clothing line is inspired by famous artists [Dayton Daily News]
Earlier: Avril Lavigne’s Clothing Line Just As Awkwardly Punk Rock As Its Designer

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4 Responses to “Hey There Bad Fashion, What’s It Like At Kohl’s?”

  1. by Maura Johnston at 1:17 am

    @Captain Wrong: Hey man, that shake was really good.

  2. by Ned Raggett at 10:52 am

    Aw and I thought it was going to be about their ABC Family Original Online Series. I can’t remember where I read about that.

  3. by bcapirigi at 10:54 am

    As much as Hey There Delilah was the bane of my existence for a while, I did kind of like Audrey, Wait!, the teen novel that it inspired.

  4. by Captain Wrong at 12:56 pm

    Perfect outfit for heading on over to Denny’s for the Plain White Shake.

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