Sure, we’ve had a bit of fun at the expense of the Brooklyn Vegan comment section in the past. But sometimes, the anonymous, indie-loving hordes over there take a break from sardonically flaunting their “insider” status and general awesomeness in favor of actually trying to be helpful. And somehow, the results are even more hilarious than usual!
Today’s topic: The announcement of a Jay Reatard show cancellation in Dallas.
Jay [Reatard] Lindsey did not want to play the show. Why?
He is rich now and likes to remind people of that fact. My favorite quote by him: “You know how much money I have in the bank!” Actually, Yes; $250,000 courtesy of Matador Records.
He got paid almost Four times the Dallas guarantee in Austin the night prior.
He had been doing coke for 12 hours straight.
He had not slept in two days.
He left to go buy $55 worth of LSD
What was your reaction to this information? Mine was an indifferent shrug of the shoulders. Brooklyn Vegan’s anonymous masses, however, wanted to dispense advice on two important topics.
1. Drugs, man. Drugs.
55 dollars worth of lsd??? jesus christ he’ll be tripping for a week
can’t you buy a drop of liquid for, like, 5 bucks?
coke and acid is a bad mix.
2. Jay Reatard needs a financial planner stat.
Dude needs a break, a vacation, REHAB and a money man. Keeping $250k in 1 bank account is fucking stupid. FDIC will only cover $50k.
FDIC will cover up to $100K per account. So he needs to split it up into at least 3 accounts.
He needs some Municipal bonds in his portfolio, if only for the obvious benefits of tax diversification.
Oh, Brooklyn, so much to answer for. Still, Reatard should really look into diversifying his bonds. I hear that’s important.
Jay Reatard ditches Dallas show last night [Brooklyn Vegan]
I am so fucked-up on cat nip right now. Have you ever really looked at your paws, man?
I still prefer to get my financial advice from the Wu-Tang Clan.
All of those commenters sound like Whit Stillman characters only with lazy sentence construction. Could it be he’s updating The Last Days of Disco?? We can only hope!!
God. And I thought the comments left behind on Stereogum posts were out of control.
As asinine as they can be, the BV kids are pretty much right about both things. (I can’t vouch for acid prices in Dallas or which securities are best in terms of tax diversification.) However, this is a grown-ass man who goes by the name Reatard, so maybe expecting sound financial planning and responsible drug use from him is a little bit of a stretch.
Can someone throw a pool party or something in which your only way in is whether or not you are a registered commenter on Stereogum and/or Brooklyn Vegan? Would love to see all these folks in one room. Can you imagine how often someone would fiddle with the music or walk up to the “DJ Booth”* to bitch or request a track?
*Call me crazy, but I think trying to agree on what live act should soundtrack the festivities would just take too much time/bring about one too many headaches. Or maybe I’m just ignorant.
So is Brooklyn Vegan to Idolator as ESPN is to deadspin?
@TheRunningboard7: Hmm. Who would the Linda Cohn of BV be, then?
@Tauwan: Can someone throw a pool party or something in which your only way in is whether or not you are a registered commenter on Stereogum and/or Brooklyn Vegan?
The MGMT show already happened.
@RaptorAvatar: Absolutely. They need some help in the spelling/grammar/don’t-sound-like-an-ass department, but frighteningly enough, these kids have sound advice. Coke and acid ARE a bad mix. Acid is really cheap these days. And if you’re not worried about whether the FDIC covers your bank account these days, have a look at the poor IndyMac customers.
The only thing I’d disagree with them on are municipal bonds. Inflation’s increasing too fast for that.
@Maura Johnston: People have names at BV? I’d have to pay attention.
Acid + Coke, makes you stupid and broke.
Coke + Acid, you’ll be permanantly flaccid.
or, at least that’s what my Grandpa always told me…
…which is why I stick to:
Meth + Diet Sprite, makes you Jesus for a night.
But remember:
Diet Sprite + Meth, you’ll be one slight breeze from death.
I really really wish that someone had thought to bring up diversifying his funds to him last night.
He diversified the hell out of a pint glass, a table and some sunglasses, that’s for sure.
Really? BV + FDIC liability limitation = BFF? Jesus.
…or:
Red Wine + Tussin, your child will quit fussin’.
Although…
Tussin + Red Wine, end up face down in pickle brine.
OK that’s all for today, but look for the remainder on my forthcoming LP, “Narcotic Mixology.”
@Ned Raggett:
Ah, yes. Touche buddy. Touche.
Wow. I really haven’t visited that site until today. For this story and also to see pics of King Khan’s butt. The comments are pretty rad.
@How do I say this … THROWDINI!: “You gotta diversify your bonds, nigga.” Or, at least, that’s what my grandfater always told me. . .