Idolator

Those of you who have been following the run-up to Sunday's Video Music Awards as closely as I not only have my sympathies, you have confirmation of your suspicions: Britney Spears, she of last year's botched show opener and this year's elephantine teaser ads, will once again appear in the telecast-opening bit, although everyone involved is going to really great pains to say that this won't be a performance, but rather a chance for her to "say hi to [her] fans" (her words) and supply the telecast with yet another "opening not to be missed" (MTV's words) in a year when the noxious "starpower" of Katy Perry and Nicole Scherzinger just isn't cutting it as far as mainstream turn-the-dial appeal goes (my words). I swear, if this whole thing is a ruse for her to show up and make out with Perry without saying anything else, I just give up.