Dating Musicians: It May Be Even Harder Than You Think (Especially If You’ve Got A Mouth)

noah | September 4, 2008 11:15 am
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Crammed in near the comics and horoscopes today is a plea to the syndicated advice columnist Ask Amy from a reader who calls herself “Hearing Mediocre Music.” HMM writes that she’s recently started dating a musician, and she’s crazy about him; she’s swooning so hard for him that she starts hearing silly love songs whenever he’s around. Which is probably for the best, since when she hears her beau’s music, she’s not all that thrilled! “The problem,” Hearing writes, “is that I’m not crazy about his music. It’s not bad; it’s just not very original.” Not original? Who does HMM think she is, a critic?

Actually…

I was a music major in college, and I’ve done freelance music reviews, so I’ve got a sort of built-in music snobbery that has very little to do with taste and more to do with being able to analyze song structure, harmonic structure and melody more than most people who haven’t studied music.

On the whole, his songs are pleasant, but it’s hard to silence that music-critic voice in my head that says: “OK, you’ve played those two chords enough now. How about trying something different?”

Of course I haven’t given him anything but positive feedback, and everything else is going so well.

Should I just silence my inner critic and not worry about it, or is this a red flag that it’s a bad match?

Hmm, HMM! Well, at the very least, not being original will probably get him in good with the music blogs, right? Before I pontificate any further, let’s see what the “professional” says.

Amy says: One joy of being in a relationship is that you can play your two chords over and over, and the person you’re with won’t analyze your song structure too harshly.

I want you to have a conference with your inner music critic — and tell her to put a sock in it.

Think of it this way — how would you like it if your squeeze showed up at your workplace and offered a critique of your methodology and practice?

If your guy solicits your opinion of his music, then offer it, but start by saying something positive.

Ahh, the old “sandwich” technique. (Also, at the very least, Amy, you could have said that the inner music critic should “turn down her amp.” Jeez, don’t these syndicates have editors?) Anyway, I’d actually change Amy’s advice to say “maybe it’s time you sat your boyfriend down and told him that one thing you’ve always wanted to do is put your music-theory training to practical use with someone you love, thus allowing you to subtly show him how to innovate and both of you to have a fantastic bio for your one-sheet.” But maybe I’m wrong! Let’s all put on our agony-aunt hats and help HMM, if not with her predicament, then at least with her chosen pen name.

Inner music critic needs to take a rest [Star Tribune] [Pic via David And Goliath Tees]