Last night at the Video Music Awards, American Idol winner Jordin Sparks veered from the script to defend herself against the incessant mocking of the Jonas Brothers’ vows of chastity by host Russell Brand. “I just have one thing to say about promise rings. It’s not bad to wear a promise ring, because not everybody–guy or girl–wants to be a slut,” she said as an amused John Legend looked on. Sparks is a promise ring wearer herself; she chatted up her no-sex stance in the weeks after winning Idol, and she toiled in the Christian-pop scene before singing in front of Randy, Paula, Simon, and America. But is her dissent, and the somewhat positive reaction it’s been getting in the VMA afterglow, a harbinger of a less sexed-up world of pop music? And was it only a matter of time?
Let’s face it: Culture is in a particularly porny period. Every famous person has had either a sex tape or a rumor about the existence of one out there; Joe Francis continues to roam free; people are adding the acronym “ILF” to the two letters that stand for “vice” and “president” for what I think may be the first time ever; and on the pop side of things, you have the just-now-loosening vice grip of the unsexily “sexy” “I Kissed A Girl,” with its robotic glam-stomp and dead-eyed lyrics, on the pop charts. Could Sparks’ putting her foot down last night be the beginning of a larger cultural pull-back from the hypersexualized world–even, maybe, because sexuality isn’t the marketing machine it used to be, thanks to its desensitizing near-omnipresence?
There is the matter of Sparks’ wording, of course; not everyone who has sex before marriage is a slut (unless they want to be, I guess?). But I wonder if her choosing to use the word “slut” in that particular context was as much a function of her anger at feeling slighted as it was her despondency about what a woman “has to” do in order to present herself in the current pop landscape. Sparks probably wouldn’t have made it to the VMA stage if she hadn’t won Idol, and she definitely wouldn’t have reached it had she gone through the traditional pop-star gears; not very many plus-sized models go the MTV route, after all.
It’s something to think about, particularly as whatever music can be labeled popular right now remains so rooted in being performed by adolescents. I wouldn’t expect a regression to songs about soda shops and teen angels, mind you, but I do wonder if last night represented something of a turning point for at least a few people outside of the Christian-pop world as far as being able to tolerate the hot-pink-outlined, borderline-unerotic “sexuality” that’s the inevitable result of even the most playfully erotic tropes being put through the commodification machine, and that’s so often held up as a quality worth admiring.
Of course, this all could be moot in five years, when Sparks writes a tell-all in which she reveals that her outburst last night was the result of some particularly potent mind-altering substance. After all, in some prominent pop cases, the talk of “virginity pledges” and “promise rings” have been little more than a ploy–and one need look no further than the person sitting next to Sparks in the above photo for proof of that particular concept.
In order to fall from grace, there must be some form of grace to fall from.
Maybe in a couple of years, we can have have Jordin Sparks and Myley Cyrus join Britney in an MTV Awards performance of “…Baby One More Time” where the latter kisses both and sends their career in a joint tailspin…
Speaking of which, wasn’t virgin-and-proud-of-it Britney herself (alongside fellow abstainers Jessica Simpson, Mandy Moore, Hanson et al) supposed to inaugurate this Age of Sexless Pop Music that you speak of, oh, 10 years ago or so?
It was certainly an inartful defense — what is she, though, 18? — but it was somewhat pleasing to hear someone defend kids being unfairly picked on. I mean, what’s creepier, promise rings, or repeated jokes about the sexual habits of young teenagers (they are teenagers, right? I can’t tell anymore). Granted, they’re both creepy, but maybe next time Brand should pick on somewhat a little tougher, say Aaron Carter or Jordy.
Yeah, it’s all a question of whether she talks the talk and walks the walk. People didn’t seem to buy it with Britney even years before her, er, ‘fall from grace.’ Sparks seems pretty pious and committed to this stance, though, so I wouldn’t be surprised if “No Air” is the steamiest her music or her image ever gets. Plus, it leaves the door open for her to cross over to gospel later, which seems to be the pattern for a lot of R&B Idol alums.
I just thought she had studied at the Sean Penn school of self-important douchebaggery.
Perhaps it’s just me who was more rankled by Sparks, who I found sort of huffily and unnecessarily conservative (did she realize she was on MTV?) than Brand (who was consistently hysterical because he appeared to me to be less hosting the show and more live-blogging it insincerely), but I’m also someone who doesn’t believe the hype about “promise rings” and “vows of chastity” one bit.
There are statistics that I can’t find that show these things to be less effective than advertised, and show that those who have them frequently fail to carry through on their covenant, often going further in their initial sexcapades than their naked-fingered counterparts.
Now, I’m certainly not for having Russell Brand teach sex ed in schools across America (“A little sex never hurt anyone” is better as a one-liner than a curriculum), but there’s a Puritanical vibe to American attitudes towards sex and a taboo on information, whether presented with abstinence as the prime option or with the full spectrum of contraceptives and STI defenses, that ultimately damages more than it sustains.
And I’m 18. I know teen attitudes here.
@Audif Jackson Winters III: I was a little riled about the unfairness/creepiness of teasing teenagers about their sexual habits — until I realized nobody gave a shit about the Jonas Brothers’ sexual habits until the Jonas Brothers announced their sexual habits.
I think “Goody Two Shoes” by Adam Ant conquered that genre already
Yeah, they made it an issue. They could have just quietly indulged, but nooooo.
Promise Rings = abstinence education = ignorance = teen pregnancy.
Sorry, I’m just a liberal cynic.
Well, perhaps of greater import is whether anyone is capable of producing music that could be called “sexy” anymore. I can’t even think of the last time a big hit felt sexy.
Even something as silly as “Pour Some Sugar On Me” felt marginally dangerous at the time. Has the oversexualized, retrograde porny explosion rendered pop music impotent?
@Chris N.: To be fair, the only person who didn’t quietly indulge was that sanctimonious cow. To me, the irritation over this lies with the fact that Jordin Sparks thinks she is famous enough that her opinion is anything other than totally undesirable. If anyone had anything to say about it it should have been them. The Jonas brothers themselves seem fairly reluctant to talk about it, and not in a coy way either. That said, Brand was totally within his rights to make cracks about it (though not ten jokes one right after another until we all GOT it already), as it is part of their public image and it’s the VMAs, where “shock” is the order of the day.
My secondary issue is that Jordin is a twit who’s got some crazy right-wing politics anyway, and she probably really does believe people who fuck before marriage are universally sluts and sinners. Snatching a platform that wasn’t even offered to you to promote a message of extreme ignorance is totally classless, and I lost a lot of respect for her after hearing her excrete all over the stage.
@whoneedslight: Abstinence education also fucks with your chance of getting STIs, don’t forget, and then if you get an STI you’ll never get treated because of the shame. A little bit of knowledge about safer sex practices goes a long, long way.
@jetsetjunta: About 6 months ago a friend and I discussed the lack of sexy music out there these days. We came up with only one at all recent song we both agreed was sexy. “Vampire Victim” by Old Time Relijun. It’s a fact!
@egg cream: That’s a fair point.
One joke would have been funny but it’s almost like Brand developed Tourette’s about it. Nick Jonas is 15 years old and was just mocked about his virginity on international television. Being 15 under the best of circumstances sucks but, Christ, I would have slit my wrists at that age if the same thing happened to me.
And there’s a gender double standard: how creepy would it have been if he picked on a 15 year old girl for being a virgin?
I’m sounding a bit prudish here and am far from it. I just felt sympathy for them after a while. Jordan Sparks didn’t really help matters but it was a sweet gesture.
That said, I’m going to start a female version of NAMBLA to find other women who get hot flashes at the mere thought of Joe Jonas…
@janine: Awesome.
I’m not pro-promise ring but I guess I don’t see anything wrong with someone defending a decision to go that route. Granted the person may not actually take this path in the end, and sex education courses need to do more than preach abstinence, but if this is so irratating, why doesn’t everyone jump on Ian MacKaye for his drug stance?
Granted I didn’t watch the VMA’s so perhaps I’m missing some of the context here.
@egg cream: @Audif Jackson Winters III: Actually, it’s really NOT. They never announced it. They’ve had the rings for many years, when they were barely in the public eye. They answer questions when asked. Esquire, I believe, “broke” the story last fall, and then there were suddenly stories quoting them dispersed to every rag all kinds of hullabaloo, and they continued to answer the questions and then get criticized for answering them.
It’s a double/triple standard. The custom happens to exist, and have paraphernalia…what if it was a girl group wearing hijabs…?
I am not really religious, but I am actually tolerant, and I have white Evangelical and black Pentecostal relatives and I just think “enlightened” people need to STFU with anti-Christian BS and maybe try acting more, well…enlightened.
If Obama loses I am blaming Russell Brand (ok,psych).
So you know, there is an angry letter writing campaign going straight to the top of Viacom…LOL…I will not be participating, but…
From the perspective of a Jonas Brothers fan…it just felt like a bit of a Dogfight situation. MTV crapped on them for ages…then MTV suddenly got really nice and sweet to them in the early summer in order to lure them to the Big Event, and once they settled in, everyone was basically pointing and laughing that they were stupid enough to think they would have actually gotten an award.
@NeverEnough: Oh and Joe Jonas’ pre-emptory response to the whole thing (Brand basically gave away hints to the “script” ahead of time…which turned out to be all he had) when asked by Scary Spice how he would treat Brand said he would “…give him a hug and love. Maybe he didn’t get enough as a child? He seems…hurt.”
Yeah, it’s a little sanctimonious, but still – bringin’ the LOLs.
P.S. NeverEnough he’s 19, it’s all good. Except that Taylor Swift will stomp you.
@ObtuseIntolerant: It would be all good but I’m *stops to count on fingers* 15 years older than him. Jesus Christ, when did I become a child predator? I think Chris Hansen is at my door…
(and did you see them on Ellen today?)
She’s a creepy little kid, and if the puritanical ring-wearing virgins didn’t make such an issue of it, it wouldn’t be fodder for comedians.
I thought Russell was hilarious, given what he had to work with.
I think we’re losing the very important point that Jordan Sparks need to shut the hell up. Whatever the topic.
@NeverEnough: Why don’t you make your own Jonas Brother? Buy yourself a ball of Fresh Mozzarella and stick some Groucho Marx eyebrows on it.
@Reidicus: You’re not alone. I have two daughters (age 2 and 4), and while we do expose them to pop culture, we’d like to keep them away from the sex stuff as much as possible. We are trying to give them the tools to make smart choices, but just because I play my kids Rubber Soul and limit their TV viewing to Noggin and Sprout doesn’t mean they won’t be seduced by the nastier stuff down the line. If a promise ring helps keep their heads on the straight and narrow through the teen years, then I say bring it on, no matter how corny.
@NeverEnough: They were adorable – and Michelle Obama raising the roof to their concert and fangirling over them was pretty unbeatable.
@janine: Or just see is Adrian Zmed has sons…
At what point does sex that’s been stripped down to pink nuts and bolts shellaced in crisco by the consumer industrial complex become every bit as insidious and empty as Sparks’ religious bullshit? Not that the enemy here is sex. The enemy is spectacle and dogma transforming something awesome into either industrialized guilt for people too “moral” to think or another bovine glitter parade for the hoopleheads. Both sides need to back the fuck down and maybe write about people instead of… Ah fuck it. It’s religion/industry, they’ll do whatever it takes to keep the numbers up. JoBro cockrings by 2010.
@Nunya B: Well put. However, I’d probably be pumped if someone I agreed with did the same thing.
Sexless pop music is hardly new. Pat Boone was far more palatable to the communications industry than the amped-up Little Richard.
@janine: Winner.
Finally, if I may get personal for a sec, while we can take (likely deserved) potshots at the messenger and debate the silly ritual of promise rings and whatnot, speaking as the dad of a five year old girl, the increasing pornification / oversexualization of our culture is seriously freaking me out.
And I think few of you may disagree when I say it wouldn’t hurt to dial it back five or 10 notches. For starters, it might make “sexy” actually mean something when applied to music if it’s a bit rarer and more taboo. (Can you imagine the reaction of the first people to hear “Put A Little Sugar In My Bowl”? I’ll bet there were goosebumps for days.)
And more importantly, while I’m doing my level best to raise my daughter to make smart choices, I’d like just a little bit of help from the broader culture to ensure that I’m not a premature grandfather in 10 years or so. Is that too much to ask?
If you give a really funny comedian with a reputation for sexual promiscuity, and no self censoring sensibilities the task of hosting a lame “music” video awards show where 99% of the attendees/ performers are asexual (pshhaw) Disney created teen stars wearing promise rings what do you expect?
Longest sentence ever.
I feel a bit like MTV set Russel Brand up. They knew what his comedy was about, they also knew that by including the Jonas Bros. that most of the viewership would be kids watching with their uptight parents. Russell had no chance.
I thought he was really funny, I mean what else was he gonna do? There was literally nothing else going on!
Now Russell has been reduced to Today show stories on the benefits of promise rings in which they don’t even mention his name but just call him “the host”.
@ObtuseIntolerant: It did all feel kind of like the part in “She’s All That” where she learns it was ALL! A! BET!, didn’t it? For people younger than I am they sure did handle themselves better than I could’ve.
Pop music goes through these phases every few years where some artist or group of artists talks a lot about their purity issues, often with a whole lot of encouragement from the mainstream press who knows they can sell a whole lot of copies of Newsweek by making up a trend that will appeal to concerned parents (both positive and negative trends; meth is another of these fake trends). I remember a round of this in the late 80′s when I was in high school, and recall that that’s how Brit-brit broke onto the scene as well. And look how well that turned out.
@janine: But will it be anatomically correct? That’s important.
@NeverEnough: From what I understand of the Jonas Bros’ anatomy, yes.
@moomintroll: I still think someone should have made fun of how no one seemed to be wearing PANTS – now THAT was the one causing the hardest laughter in the living room where I was hanging with my sisters.
@revmatty: And don’t forget about all the copies that will sell when one of these bastions of purity ends up actually impregnating someone/getting pregnant. Countdown until the inevitable JoBro shotgun wedding…