A Brief List Of Songs You Should Never, Ever Do At Karaoke, Unless You Rented A Room For Yourself And Only Yourself

September 12th, 2008 // 63 Comments

karaoke_neon01.jpgCompiled last night while I was out, mostly self-explanatory:

• “Stairway To Heaven”
• “L.A. Woman”
• “Goodnight Saigon” (nb this wasn’t performed last night but I think the point still stands, unless you were actually in the military and then you get a pass)
• Anything by A Perfect Circle that isn’t “Judith”
• Anything that clocks in at over five minutes, especially “Scenes From An Italian Restaurant,” because seriously people, an hour is a finite period of time and there are other people in the bar.

Feel free to add your own.


  1. Audif Jackson Winters III

    “My Way.” Ha ha, yeah, we’ve seen “The Great Rock ‘n’ Roll Swindle”, too. Funny.

  2. Dead Air ummm Dead Air

    There are karaoke bars which have A Perfect Circle in the catalog?

    If I may be the music snob that I am, the following songs should enter a “Really? You want to sing this song like the last 4 people did?” department:

    “Don’t Stop Believing”
    “Summer Loving”
    “Never Going to Give you Up”
    “Sunday, Bloody Sunday”
    “Born to Run”
    “Livin on a Prayer”
    “Pour Some Sugar on Me”

    Still acceptable, despite cliched:

    “Just a Friend”
    “Bust a Move”

    Songs that should get a lot more karaoke love:

    “Angry Johnny” by Poe
    “This is Hardcore” by Pulp
    “Deanna” by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
    “East Bound and Down” by Jerry Reed
    “I’m Your Man” by Leonard Cohen

  3. Maura Johnston

    @Dead Air ummm Dead Air: Astoria is a magical (?) place.

  4. relaxing

    * Meatloaf’s Paradise by the Dashboard Light
    * Anything by Meatloaf

  5. Anonymous

    I saw a doppelganger for Axl Rose at a local bar sing “Round and Round” by Ratt. Honestly, one of my favorite musical moments.

  6. Anonymous

    I would like to see I Will Survive permanently retired.

  7. Maura Johnston

    @relaxing: How do you feel about “You’re The One That I Want,” which seems to go hand in hand with the songs you mentioned?

  8. sXenester

    @Dead Air ummm Dead Air:

    moar nick cave

  9. Anonymous

    Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
    Private Dancer – Tina Turner

  10. El Zilcho!

    Anything from that angsty girl phase back in the mid-90s, like “You Oughta Know,” and Meredith Brooks’ “Bitch.” I think I’ve seen both those songs done whenever I’m at a bar. And I like “Bitch.”

    My personal song to bring the house down is Violent Femmes’ “Add It Up.” I’d also like to hear more people attempt David Bowie tunes. I’d do it myself, but I just don’t have the chops to hit the right notes.

  11. spankyjoe

    If I never have to hear “Sweet Child of Mine” again, I’ll be a happy dude.

    Corollary: Anything with extended instrumental passages.

    @sXenester:

    I see your Nick Cave, and I raise you some Tom Waits.

  12. Anonymous

    @spankyjoe:

    Copacabana has like an 80 measure break in the middle. It is absolute torture.

  13. Camp Tiger Claw

    If I hear anyone diss Bat Out Of Hell on this website again, it’s not going to be pretty.

  14. Mr. Guy

    working for the weekend by loverboy is highly underrated as a karaoke song

  15. Mr. Guy

    But for a song that you just shouldn’t do: Baby got back

  16. spankyjoe

    @whoneedslight:

    Oh, good lord.

    @El-Zilcho:

    I once saw a girl publicly work out some very deep-seated issues through a passionate performance of “Zombie,” by the Cranberries. Not for the faint of heart.

  17. kicking222

    - Anything by the Darkness, unless you’ve really got the voice for it.
    - Anything that’s too slow and quiet- “Maps” is one of my favorite songs, but you shouldn’t bore people. Karaoke is about the fun vibe… this isn’t to say you have to do a “fun” song (for example, a couple of months ago, I did “Message in a Bottle”, and everyone loved it), but it can’t be a song that will put drunks to sleep.
    - I’m with anibundel- no “Bohemian Rhapsody”… though now that i think about it, “We Are the Champions” might be the exception to my above rule. Maybe because it’s slow yet not quiet, but regardless, I doubt anyone would be upset at a good rendition of “We Are the Champions”.
    - Anything that’s so obscure that there’s no chance anyone around you will know it- again, karaoke’s about keeping a good vibe, not proving you’re a music snob.
    - Emo.

  18. Luke N Atmaguchi

    If you’re even still doing this shit, Norebang is the way to go, fuck Karaoke . . .

  19. Anonymous

    @Mr. Guy: Unless you’re a girl with back. I’ve seen that. It’s humorous.

  20. GhostOfDuane

    Anything by Yes.

  21. enriquez the water bottle

    The last time we went karaoke-ing, there was a group of theatre geeks at one table, and all they did were numbers from Wicked, Chicago, and (I think) Grease.

    We all wanted to fucking strangle them.

  22. Anonymous

    The “L.A. Woman” ban, while a good idea in general, fails to account for the awesomeness of Tom Scharpling:

    http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2008/04/hoof-and-mout-2.html#more

    _________________________________________________________________
    Stay up to date on your PC, the Web, and your mobile phone with Windows Live.
    http://clk.atdmt.com/MRT/go/msnnkwxp1020093185mrt/direct/01/

  23. dyfl

    Let’s say you break up “Scenes From An Italian Restaurant” by assigning each distinct musical section to a different singer. Is that OK? Because I reeeeaaaally want to do “Scenes From An Italian Restaurant” someday.

  24. Anonymous

    yeah, the grease songs have got to go. or at least be “lost” for 10 years or so. they’re fun, but they seem to be karaoke staples whenever i’ve gone.

    i’d like to hear more “careless whisper.” and yes to more nick cave and david bowie.

  25. Captain Wrong

    “Rapper’s Delight” full length version, done solo. Yes, I’ve seen it. Well, part of it. I holed up in the bathroom when I couldn’t take anymore and my friend up next stood outside the crapper serenading me with “White Wedding” until I returned. Good times.

  26. spankyjoe

    @borntohula:
    @sXenester:

    We should probably discuss a moratorium on “O’Malley’s Bar,” just for sanity’s sake. You’d think such things would be self-explanatory, but sometimes, the adults have to step in and take the toys away from the children.

  27. Whigged

    Black Dog – Zep (the “Ah,Ah,Ah,Ah’s” are unbearable)
    Sister Christian – Night Ranger

    I actually witnessed the latter last weekend at a dive near my pad in Boston and couldn’t resist:

  28. PeterBjorn&Yawn

    @relaxing: The best karaoke performance I’ve ever seen, by far, was a duet of I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That). It was clear they’d rehearsed, which is pretty heroic if you think about it.

    No:
    I Want It That Way
    Losing My Religion
    People trying to sing like John Fogerty

    Yes:
    Danger (High Voltage)
    Psycho Killer
    Take My Breath Away (Techno Version)
    Holy Diver
    Waterfalls

  29. BigRicks

    The Outfield – Your Love

    No you can’t hit those notes, stop trying.

  30. natepatrin

    @Whigged: Two questions:

    1) Was there a kid in the background throwing firecrackers at the floor?

    2) Did the guy eventually start playing Russian Roulette?

  31. snortin' orton

    my usual karaoke has been overrun with emos, including the kj. it is no fun for anyone.
    my rules of can’t miss karaoke glory:
    1. its gotta be danceable, you have to own the stage
    2. recognizable but not necessarily well known
    3. impressive lyrics, you should know it well enough to not rely on the video for words
    4. simple vocals with room to move
    5. must be an undeniable classic
    that said, my picks are “burning down the house,” “walk on the wild side,” “young americans,” “its the end of the world,” and “little willy.” i’m being modest calling myself a legend

  32. spankyjoe

    Ok, I’m just going to throw this out there, and I want to hear what you guys have to say:

    Danzig.

  33. BakerStreetSaxSolo

    Theme From Shaft :-o

  34. Dead Air ummm Dead Air

    @spankyjoe: Mother is always a solid choice to sing.

    Off topic:

    “Bizarre Love Triangle” would totally get the bar hoppin if someone belted it out.

  35. Dorgon

    Never “Hotel California”

    General karaoke rule to consider: if you are going to do something obscure by a well-known artist, you have to absolutely NAIL it. If you screw up a song everyone knows, they’ll just sing over you.

    I used to do karaoke competitions (not kidding), so when I go to a new place, I bring out one of my sure things: Ballroom Blitz, Mr. Roboto or Freedom ’90.

  36. Thierry

    I liked “Against All Odds” until every broken-up-with-and-sad karaoke goer started trying to do the Mariah Carey version. Ugh.

    Also on the “no” list, “We Built This City”. It goes on forever and seems to only have choruses. It’s also the worst song in the world.

  37. Anonymous

    I did “sittin’ on the dock of the bay” once but changed all the sittin’ to shittin’. It was well received.

  38. Whigged

    @juiceandgin: I’ve been guilty of doing “Fell in Love with a Squirrel” myself.

  39. Anonymous

    @El-Zilcho: Every time I go to a Karaoke bar I beg the owners to add David Bowie’s “Sorrow” to the list. It’s one of my favorites by him and it’s the only one I could ever see myself attempting in front of strangers.

    Unfortunately, no one has ever heard of it ;-(

    Also, I’d like to second whoever called for a ban on “I Will Survive.”

  40. bcapirigi

    young americans is HARD. that song has so many words.

    i disagree with the one person who said not to do maps. although you have to be able to sing the same few words over and over and not seem boring. (see also: miss world.)

    lately i’ve been doing mostly george michael, shy guy by diana king, and elisive butterfly.

  41. bcapirigi

    and by elisive i mean elusive.

  42. spankyjoe

    @slowburn:

    The semi-obscure Bowie tracks would be pretty solid, but definitely experts-only. Even stuff that you think would be simple on first examination (“Heroes”, “Ashes to Ashes,” “Suffragette City”) has some non-trivial technical hitch to it. For example, “Ashes to Ashes” has that tricky jump from falsetto/head voice to chest voice (depending on vocal range) in the verse melody.

  43. loudersoft

    I love that all of you are so good at picking the shit songs that I have nothing to add to this thread other than GREAT WORK!

  44. AquaLung

    “Alabama Song,” The Doors. Terrible.

  45. MayhemintheHood

    The last time I went out for Karaoke, 4 different women sang Alannah Myles’ “Black Velvet” at various times throughout the night. That song sucks so much, but to see four women try to outdo eachother with that song just added to it’s suckiness.

    Ban “Black Velvet” from Karoake!

  46. joshservo

    Here’s my list:

    1. American Pie.

    That is all.

  47. Anonymous

    Groups of closely related women, assembled for a wedding/reunion of some sort, singing “We are Family”, and being surprised to find out there’s lyrics other than the title of the song.

  48. Mr. Praline

    Europe’s “The Final Countdown” wears thin really, really fast. For everyone involved.

  49. El Zilcho!

    @spankyjoe: Yeah, I know the words to so many Bowie tunes. But I can’t even come close to them vocally. I’ve wanted to get up and do a rousing “Young Americans,” but I just can’t get it right.

    But somebody needs to get up and sing them, cause they’re great.

  50. spankyjoe

    @El-Zilcho:

    I will not be that somebody. I get nervous singing along to those songs in the privacy of my own apartment.

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