Even though I can’t recall a world without them, I’ve never liked Journey. As a kid, I found them vaguely annoying, and as I grew into a rock fan, I was more than happy to go along with the critical line that fingered them as all that sucked in rock. That’s eroded over time–Journey simply isn’t worth getting worked up over, and besides, when Chuck Eddy said back in the early ’90s that Journey were far more effective than any critic of the time wanted to admit, I knew exactly what he meant. I look back at the music of my childhood with more fondness than it sometimes warrants, but the recent “revival” of “Don’t Stop Believin’”–from The Sopranos to its inclusion in The Pitchfork 500–still puzzles me some, if a little bit less now that I’ve seen the infomercial for Time Life’s The Ultimate Rock Ballads Collection.
Here’s the reason why: power ballads aren’t music. They’re television. They’re soap operas. They’re ham acting in ridiculous outfits on cheap sets, reciting lousy dialogue, and getting to us thanks to shameless stroking of basic-unto-atavistic impulses many people are convinced, at some point in their life, that only they have. And as a result, the people who make them, who never came alive on music journalism’s pages, do so much better on TV. The Journey episode of VH1’s Behind the Music? Total classic. And the Time-Life infomercial is even better.
Time-Life Music’s late-night CD-collection infomercial formula is now granite: has-been artist from the set’s genre plus spokesmodel as hosts; plenty of video snippets and performance clips (frequently from American Bandstand); testimonials from ordinary citizens; and sweeping shots of the CDs spread out on a kitchen table, like dinner, or, if you prefer, buttah. For 30 minutes at a time, this set-up teeters on the edge of self-parody, but never quite falls over; the results are compulsively watchable.
Ultimate Rock Ballads Collection might be the most watchable yet. The musician-host is Kevin Cronin, the lead singer of R.E.O. Speedwagon (“Keep on Lovin’ You,” etc.), and on this evidence a great guy; he talks with real enthusiasm about writing his band’s hits and with real affection for his arena-rock colleagues. For another, this music is completely suited to the medium. Time-Life’s other infomercials are for soft-rock and grown-folks’ R&B collections, anthem upon anthem. Power ballads, by their nature, are almost nothing but anthems. The killer line: “These songs will rock your heart!” I wouldn’t want to hear any of these songs voluntarily again unless I were experiencing them as someone else’s great night out at karaoke, but as television goes, they’re pretty foolproof.
This is some serious baby-makin music for boomers. These songs plus a little Bartles & Jaymes were probably responsible for half the indie rock kids of today…
The logic works as long as you look at television as qualitatively different from pop music, but I always thought that one of the main points of MTV was the conflation of TV and pop music. The argument should go one step farther then - power ballads are television because pop music is television and power ballads are pop music. I would even go so far as to say that this identification of power ballads with TV seems to work especially well because power ballads are the purist form of pop music we have.
But, no, wait. We’re forgetting that it’s actually all a movie. A movie that never ends.
@Eugene Langley: Dude… harshing my buzz faster than Nora Ephron interviwing Diane Warren… stop talkin’ and crack open another Bartles & Jaymes… Don’t stop believin’!
@Clevertrousers: My bad. I just needed to get that out of my system before I could get back to focusing on the storyboard for my new tribute video to Heart’s “Alone”.
@Eugene Langley: A movie that never ends.
Indeed, I daresay it goes on, and on, and on, and on.
Full disclosure: as a burgeoning music fan growing up on Detroit rock radio, I was too young to realize that Journey wasn’t cool, and I loved them. I also loved the Pretenders, Clash and Echo & the Bunnymen, so go figure.
Sure, Journey is classic arena-rock cheese. They’re also the best at it! I’m probably just being nostalgic, but I can STILL rock out to “Evolution,” “Departure” and “Escape,” which was hot enough to generate it’s own video game:
[de]
1983 was a very good year!
And again, I’m not proud–just honest…
OK - That’s it, motherfuckers. Fuck Journey.
Oh, I know I know - “Journey is a guilty pleasure”. Fuck all of you ironists and misty-eyed Peter Pans - Journey was a cancer and cancer is not “a guilty pleasure”. Go on - listen to “Evolution” all the way through. You’ll be BEGGING for mesothelioma. I grew up in the Bay Area and “Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’” haunts my nightmares.
I heard they played it at Slobodan Milosevic’s funeral. Sounded great on those hockey-arena amps.
Anna Nicole Smith was listening to it the night she died - it was the only song that moved her.
George W. Bush used to listen to it while blowing lines and would shout “YOW!!!!” when Neal Schon’s solo kicked in.
It’s customary for Golden Gate Bridge jumpers to request it on 98.5 K-Fox just before their final plunge. I’d do that myself - just to make sure I didn’t change my fucking mind.
So you slow-danced to them in junior high? Feelin’ nostalgic for zits, blue balls, premature ejaculation, Reagan and Rick Dees? Here’s how to ensure you “don’t stop believin’” - go spread margarine all over your face, smack yourself in the nuts with rebar and smoke meth.
They were obnoxious, tacky and stupendously stupid and they sold a zillion albums - you are culpable. Every last one of you.
Random tidbit: The super-cute co-host of this Time-Life infomercial is the girlfriend of Cinderella drummer Fred Coury …yeahhhhhhhhhh!!\m/ \m/
@mediajunk: Rehab is a bitch, huh?
@Mr. Praline: Stockhausen is playing live in LA!
[www.ticketmaster.com]
Stockhausen’s really cool if you like to argue about the structure of the drums & space section of Dead shows. Or if you think Neil Peart is insufficiently committed to high art.
So…
Can is better than Stockhausen.
The Fall is better than Can.
Wu Tang is better than The Fall.
The Ramones are better than Wu Tang.
Good taste in the avante-garde. It’s really about formula.
@mediajunk: Ah, so you’re a Stockhausen fan then.