The five most ridiculous “no, see, the Internet is actually a bunch of references to sex” lyrics in Akon’s new single “MP3 U Me,” which attempts to do for the online world what R. Kelly’s “The Zoo” did for the animal kingdom:
5. “Straight from your hard drive / Into your software / Gotta let you know I care” OK, maybe every person with a computer and a connection to YouPorn has made the “hard drive” joke at least once. That doesn’t excuse it.
4. “I won’t take off your MP3 address / Until you tell me yes / That you received my text / Now you’ve got the sex” That first lyric could actually be a reference to a dress that’s made of MP3s. Maybe. I mean, I guess it doesn’t make much of a difference.
3. “Girl step into my chat room / Every time you think of me / And I’ll get right back to you / So expeditiously” What, Akon, you won’t be waiting for her? In your own chat room? Tsk, tsk.
2. “Pushin’ on your keys / Touchin’ on your mouse / Imagine you and me / Runnin’ through your house” In which the paramour is turned into a bunch of bits and some household vermin.
1. “I’m on your laptop / Goin’ to download, baby” This one wins the prize if only because everyone knows that you can’t download a baby.
There’s actually more, which is something of an amazing feat because the track clocks in under 2:30.
Akon - MP3 U Me [YouTube]
I’m not sure this can beat Usher’s similar ode to internet fucking, “Dot Com”:
“E-Mail My Heart” now seems like a half-forgotten folktale.
@Ned Raggett: not to mention
(i still love this song)
WHY YES THIS SONG IS THE SHIT
Ohmigod, ohmigod, prozzak!
Remember that time in the 90s when ANYTHING could get major label distribution? Damn, I miss those days…
All this makes me think of is this:
[www.onegirlarmy.com]
@Janelleyo: maybe the time is ripe for LOLakon to become its own genre.
Akon looks like the dude who stocks the Frozen Food section of my local supermarket.