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With any luck they’ll be opening for Yo La Tengo again this Hanukkah.

Not remotely! Despite its typical gated ’80s production, I’d say that song’s held up remarkably well — unlike, say, the Top 10 hit that came just before it, “Modern Woman,” which plays like an unironic American Psycho tune a half-decade before American Psycho.

Actually, no, wait: the true atrocity in Joel’s mid-’80s catalog is the song alluded to in the title of this post, “You’re Only Human (Second Wind).” The bouncy Casio-style keyboards! The Stuart Smalley-esque lyrics! The whooping backing vocals! (“Ya OWN-ly hyoo-MAHN! WOO! WOO!”) Uuuuuuuuuuugggh. If the shit-stirring blogger had attacked that one, I might have leaned toward him.

Joel FTW!

And I questioned the authenticity of this as well… But the Robert Palmer line sealed it for me. Having heard “Greatest Hits Vol III” in my Nissan Quest minivan more times then I care to recall, that’s exactly who he’s trying (and failing) to sound like!

And yeah, Billy Joel wins this one, but that’s not saying much.

Attila on the other hand…

Billy Joel – 1
Shit-stirring blogger – 0

@deleteboy: Weirdly, I disagree with you — I think it’s entirely possible this is actually him. Normally your reasoning would be dead-on — why would any rich musician bother with this shit — but if you’ve been following Billy’s thin-skinned ways with the press for the last 30 years of your career (read the hilarious out-of-print book The Worst Rock n’ Roll Records of All Time for a summary of how he used to tear up bad reviews onstage), you know it’s entirely possible he’d bother to respond to someone accusing him of any number of things.

By a hair, I think it’s him. And while I (again) think he “wins” this argument on the merits, he does himself no favors engaging in this online trash-talk in the first place.

(Billy, man, you and I go way back, and while I don’t love you the way I did unconditionally as a kid, I still feel for you; and I’m telling you as a friend — let it go.)

Bet the mortgage, the dogs, the car. Maybe an intern from his production company writing on his behalf when everyone is out on vaca. Or maybe the intern’s assistant’s car mechanic’s apprentice’s stoned friend taking a break from Halo.

So – put it to the test – be skeptical. Imagine you’re Billy Joel. And someone from Spin or Rolling Stone writes something negative. You’ll take a break from swanning around Sag Harbor fetes long enough to have your assistant get your people on it, tout d’suite. Those are the pubs *you* give a sh*t about.

I mean really, *Billy Joel* responding to some ‘clown suit wearing’ blogger (I love that line, thanks bitter LA Times writer guy). Really? Really.