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Nestled deep inside the list of nominations for the 26th Annual AVN Adult Movie Awards, right in between “Best Orgy/Gang Bang Series” and “Best Overall Marketing Campaign, Company Image,” are the five candidates for the night’s Best Original Song Award. I tried to track them down online because, hey, who doesn’t want to know what a touching ode to a particularly rocking butthole sounds like? (I could make a joke about its relative shittiness here, but I will refrain.) The list of nominated tracks—and a few of their videos—after the jump. It should probably go without saying that all the clips embedded frolic across the boundaries of NSFW-dom pretty effortlessly.
E-Black & Don Stryke, “Big Phat Apple Bottom Bootys 13″ (from Big Phat Apple Bottom Bootys 13)
No clip found. But I have a feeling Flo Rida is going to perform it at the ceremony! (He’s the show’s special guest! Of course!)
Ethan Kane, “Please” (from Dark City)
If Twin Peaks was a late-night Cinemax movie, “Falling” would have sounded more like this. Also, for those of you who want to keep up on your Surreal Life alums, Ron Jeremy is in the video.
Brutal Enigma, “Rock And Roll (In My Butthole)” (from Rock n’ Roll in my Butthole)
Kind of sad that Nitro wasn’t available. Or, hell, Probot.
William H., “Beach Girl” (from Swimsuit Calendar Girls)
I’m not sure if the repetitive thump above is the nominated track, but I should note that the director’s oeuvre also includes songs called “Glazed And Confused” and “Teenage Anal Addicts.” Given the sort of music in the clip, I’m going to guess that the latter isn’t inspired by the Buzzcocks.
“Tinkle Time” (from Tinkle Time 2)
No clip found. But I did find some Chris Crocker-related content!
OK, so now I basically need to go reread that David Foster Wallace piece on the AVN Awards to cleanse my brain. (I don’t have any bleach in the house, so.)
AVN Awards [Official site; HT The Daily Swarm]
Wait–are you sure that band’s name isn’t Brutal Enema?
Also, I think they stole those lyrics wholesale from a Buckcherry song.
Some girls are bigger than others.
I am saddened that there are no references to a ‘tromboner’. Perhaps that was a prior year? If not, look for my nomination next year.
@tigerpop: Haha.
it is with some trepidation, give my association with our Idolatrix, that I must admit that I doubt that the bog-standard anono-trance from the third clip is composed by William H. His fare tends to be more song-oriented: his theme to, ahem, “Swallow My Squirt II” is beloved to me.
do you think less of me for knowing this, maura?
@Anono-Critic: Aw, I could never!
Listening to the Brutal Enigma track was one of those experiences that makes me pissed off…at everything. I’m also glad Maura didn’t find anything regarding Tinkle Time 2.
Gianna Michaels (in the 3rd clip) = almost perfect…aside from that slutty-ass porn career she’s got going.
@juiceandgin: Glad I’m not the only one who knew that.
Dammit! I was going to call my autobiography “Big Phat Apple Bottom Bootys 13.”
Dark City is going to surprise a bunch of geeks trying to illegally download one of their favorite sci-fi movies.
@MayhemintheHood: “This must be that special edition.”
@Ned Raggett: “Alex Proyas really had a different vision on this cut, but thematically everything’s still there.”
Maybe the tunes The Dirtbombs did for Vivid Alt’s Sugar Town will be eligible next year.