Blonde Bond Daniel Craig and cell phone pitchman Noel Gallagher got into the kind of fake celebrity spat that the British tabloids manufacture daily by using the patented system of drawing two celebrity names out of a hat, asking them about one another, and then creating a headline that seems salacious—“Daniel Craig baits Noel Gallagher over guitar skills jibe,” in this case–-until you read the story and realize that nothing all that interesting happened.
In this case, Craig was questioned at a movie premiere about Noel Gallagher’s assertion that Craig should play him in the (inevitable?) Oasis biopic. Craig said he was too old for the role (he’s one year younger in reality), and that, anyway, he was better at guitar. I did some digging to see if I could find 007 jamming out on the guitar, but I was met with crickets and tumbleweeds. (The British beefcake apparently does enjoy a game of Guitar Hero now and again, but that really ain’t the same thing.)
But let’s get back to Noel’s proposed Oasis film. It’s an OK idea, if you ask me. There’d be plenty of drugs, brothers fighting, rock and roll, Blur rivalries, Jay-Z hating, Beatles-aping, Beatles-aping-denying, and the beautiful Patsy Kensit*. As for casting, hmmm…I’m not so sure if Craig’s the right guy for the role. Let’s examine the photographic evidence again:
Okay. I think that Noel is the better looking of the brothers, but he’s no Daniel Craig. Look at those pecs! Sweet Jesus. He’s so… burly. I can’t stop looking at him! Wow.
Anyhoo, you’d have to find someone who looked like Craig to play Liam because those two are almost twins. I’d love to hear your ideas for that role—and any others that might be in the film! Here are some of the parts we need:
Liam Gallagher
Noel Gallagher
Andy Bell
The other guys who have been in Oasis
Patsy Kensit
Damon Albarn
Graham Coxon
Alex James
Jay-Z
This Patsy Kensit talk gives me a chance to post this video from her band Eighth Wonder, who charted in the UK with this Tennant/Lowe concoction, “I’m Not Scared”:
Daniel Craig baits Noel Gallagher over guitar skills jibe [Telegraph]
I recommend using as many people as possible from this video:
[www.dailymotion.com]
Craig said he was too old for the role (he’s one year younger in reality)
Yeah, but that still means he’s a good years older than Noel was when Oasis was worth a damn.
@Maura Johnston: Hahaha, I KNEW it would be that video.
Another great Eighth Wonder song.
Tom Cruise. If he can play an eye-patchy Nazi, he can do this. Besides, he’s already the right height.
An Oasis/Blur film sounds like a great idea as long as we can keep Mike Meyers at least 5000 miles away.
Daniel Craig looks pretty angry in that photo, like he’s on his way to beat you to death with a life preserver or a plastic sand shovel.
@tim_loves_cats: Or the blunt object hidden in his trunks. (sorry. had to be done)
Patsy Kensit will be played by Sienna Miller. The end.
Daniel Craig can beat me to death with ANYTHING HE WANTS. Unless it’s the prone, senseless body of a Gallagher.
@K-Rex: Oh, please, please, please, let him be coming for me with that.
@Cos: I was just sitting here contemplating who would play Kensit, and you nailed it. The end indeed!
@Lucas Jensen: Bless you. 8th Wonder makes me soooo happy!
If Daniel Craig is Noel Gallagher, then Jude Law is Damon Albarn. Graham Coxon can be played by James McAvoy (add Colchester accent). Matthew Goode is Alex James, Liam can be played by any one of the variety of simians working in TV.
Justine Frischmann can be played by the girl from Trainspotting (Kelly Macdonald).
For the “cool Brittania” Oasis go to No. 10 storyline, get the guy from “W” who played Tony Blair to reprise his role.
I’ll take my casting director paycheck now please.
@moomintroll: These are all great. Kelly Macdonald is a good call! Jude Law is great for Damon Albarn. Let’s start writing the script now!
@K-Rex: That’s a good rule of thumb for anything these days.
@T’Challa: They were a great band! I got the record at a yard sale a few years back and was surprised by how much I dug it.
@Lucas Jensen: I’m in! All we need now is a catchy title…anyone?
Zach Braff and Jason Lee ARE Noel and Liam Gallagher!
@MayhemintheHood: Ha! Yes! Oh and one possible title (if it was more Liam-centric) “Our Kid - The Liam Gallagher Story”
@moomintroll: Is “Wonderwall” taken?
without wanting to be the all serious historian in the discussion, Daniel Craig has some form in playing skeezy musicians. he played “Geordie” in a BBC series “Our Friends In The North”
[en.wikipedia.org]
a garage band keyboardist turned drug dealer/enforcer turned syd barrett nutjob.
he was also in a comedy series “Drop The Dead Donkey”, where he played a drummer(?) i think who deflowered the daughter of one of the main characters.
PS, i’m not a dan craig stalker.
@moomintroll:
That’d work for me. My sister used to always rant about how much Damon looked like Jude Law, so that’d work great. And stick Graham’s ridiculous glasses on anyone and it’d work. Whoever plays Alex just needs to have stupid fringe to swing about and a bottle of champagne really…and all I really care about in such a movie would be Blur and Jarvis Cocker, so cast him correctly and I’ll get behind it.
robert carlyle IS noel!!! he is the one from little by little!! and liam well….it could be jason lee idk but robert caryle is noel gallagher!!!