Kelley Lynch

Cohen didn’t just get the touring bug and decide to hit the road again. Nope. He was bilked out of $5 million by former lover and manager Kelley Lynch, who sounds like the kind of succubus that might turn up in a Leonard Cohen song. He won a $9.5 million settlement against her, and, surprise!, he’s had trouble collecting on that debt.

What’s the one thing men ought to know about women?
A.B. (Berkeley, CA)
They are deeply involved in a pattern of thought centered around the notion of commitment.

What’s the one thing women ought to know about men?
T.M. (Worcester, MA)
A man steadfastly refuses to eavesdrop on his conversation with himself.

Is there a difference between love and obesession?
F.S. (Phoenix, AZ)
It is the same difference between the Sermon on the Mount and the Crucifixion.

What do men really want?
B.B. (Houston, TX)
A square deal.

What would be the most appropriate thing for a guy to say to a girl after sex?
J.H. (New York, NY)
Thank you.

I am twenty-eight; I work and attend college. I have been single for three years and love women but have developed a strong attraction for Italian men only. I have repeated dreams about them. What should I do?
J.G. (Los Angeles, CA)
This habitual drift toward the trivial will continue to make you suffer.

Is it possible to be madly in love with more than one person at a time?
M.B. (San Jose, Costa Rica)
It is possible to be in love with more than one person at a time but not “madly in love.”

Is honesty always the best policy?
G.W. (Hartford, CT)
In my case, yes. In your case, rarely.

How can you tell if you’re in love?
C.H. (Fort Lauderdale, FL)
You dissolve your strategy for the other.

Why is having an orgasm so exhilarating?
N.P. (Portland, OR)
You stop thinking about yourself.

How can I remain friends with my former lover?
R.A. (Chicago, IL)
Move to another country.

Is it possible to achieve love without desire?
S.O. (Washington, DC)
Yes.

Are there any examples of good or healthy sexual relationships in the Bible?
P.R. (Cleveland, OH)
The patriarchs and their wives stand as shining examples of possible human marriages. The love of Jesus for Mary Magdalene continues to inspire me.

Is loneliness necessarily a sad thing?
M.C. (Atlanta, GA)
Yes, it is designed to be that way.

How long does it take to recover from a bad relationship?
S.T. (Baltimore, MD)
You never recover from a bad relationship.

I feel humiliated and exposed by my needs and my desires, even when they’re reciprocated. How can I deal with this?
T.D. (London, England)
You feel humiliated and confused anyway. Do not confuse the issue with your needs and desires.

Does there have to be democracy in sexual fantasies? I love tying up my lover, but I don’t want him to tie me up.
C.H. (Middlebury, VT)
You are already tied up.

Why do people marry?
M.D. (Hudson, OH)
I don’t know. Ask the man who owns one.

Actually Leonard did a little question and answer once for Q Magazine in 1994

Q Questionnaire – Leonard Cohen

What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Put on my black robes.

What was the first gig you went to?
Josh White in Ruby Foo’s, a Chinese restaurant in Montreal, 1949.
Josh White was a black blues singer, once associated with the leftist folk song movement in New York City but allegedly turned federal witness in the investigation of communistic folk singers and lost a lot of credibility. Still played a great guitar. He knew how to bend a string.

Which song do you wish you had written?
“If It Be Your Will.” And I wrote it.

When did you last cry and why?
I cried yesterday in Stockholm. In a hotel room. The situation seemed to invite my tears.

What is your most treasured material possession?
My body.

Who was the last person you slept with?
My Zen master. In a hotel room in New York City. He was very gentle with me.

What do you think of Bob Dylan?
The premier songwriter of our generation. Still and always. He happens to be resting. He deserves a rest but have no fear, he will be back with much information and data about repose in the ’90s.

What is the best advice you’ve ever received?
It went like this: “The older you get, the lonelier you become and the deeper the love you need.” It’s something I can validate.

What characteristics do you think you have inherited from your parents?
Anxiety and panic.

What is the biggest myth about fame?
That it’s worthless.

What are you like when you are drunk?
More liquor. Although I’ve never been a big drinker – I have always sought out other highs – I’ve recently developed a close acquaintanceship with red wine, especially Chateau Latour 1982, one of the finest vintages since Caesar planted the vine. Unfortunately it is about 200 bucks a bottle.

Who would you have play you in a film?
Rebecca De Mornay.

Pick five words that describe yourself.
Oh, The Seven Deadly Sins.

Is there one piece of criticism that sticks in your mind?
The only criticism that has stuck in my mind is that somebody once said to me that I had a cruel streak. Maybe that is too honest for this article. But that stayed with me, the possibility that I enjoyed and took pleasure in the discomfort of another’s distress.

Do you believe in God?
I must.

What is your greatest fear?
That I have a cruel streak.

What is your most unpleasant characteristic?
I really don’t think I have a cruel streak.

What ambitions do you still have to fulfill?
I would like to liberate all beings from their suffering. And I would like to sever every poisonous desire at its root.

Are you afraid of failure?
I used to be until I failed.

What do you never leave home without?
My 12-inch dick.

Who is your best male friend and your best female friend?
My 12-inch dick.

Who would you most like to meet?
A better man than me. And I’ve met him.

What music would you have played at your funeral?
The Grand Tour by George Jones. He’s showing somebody round this empty house and he’s saying here’s the nursery, she left me without mercy.

When you look in the mirror do you like what you see?
It depends who’s standing behind me.

Do you have anything to declare?
The solemn testimony of that unbroken faith which binds the generations one to another, I hereby bestow upon you the ancient priestly benediction: May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and grant you the gift of peace.