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Kiss bassist/serial entrepreneur Gene Simmons got wind of yesterday’s post about his all new Canadian-artists-only record label, and he is not pleased! He took to the blog of his recently relaunched Simmons Records and went off, calling the person who penned it (a.k.a. me) “an amateur who’s achieved nothing in his [sic!] life” and saying that soon enough, I and my ilk would soon be sent “back to [the] fish wrapping factory they escaped from.” (NB: I am writing this from my parents’ house, so maybe he has a point.) But then, in a frenzy of whipping up Canadian nationalism and not linking to our site (ahem), his threats got even worse!
We’re going to find, develop, nurture and launch new talent emanating from — CANADA!!!. That’s right, Baby.
Why here?
Because you actually DO have the talent.
And now, you have a WAY.
ME.
Send us you electronic demos. (Read above how.).
Oh, and the asshole who posted the story? He gets no free tix, no backstage passes, and therefore, he won’t have access to our parties and our girls.
No access to his girls! As if I didn’t need enough reasons to quit this business already.
Simmons Records [Official site]
Kiss frontman Gene Simmons looks to sign Canadian bands to Simmons Records [Canadian Press]
Any time, from now on, when Gene Simmons talks shit, just recall his sex tape, and how the hooker he was with in it wouldn’t even kiss him…oh, and that he has sex with hookers while listening to “I Want To Know What Love Is”.
Tough break, Maury.
@ChrisWillman: Justin Hawkins, when it comes to the matter of 3 year-old Desiree Joni, you are NOT the father.”
amazing
I love how in his head Canada is just hopeless until he got there. Somehow he’ll find a way to take credit for inventing hockey and Molson, which will only add to his list of inventions (rock music, comic books, merchandise, the Jon Bennet Ramsey murder, etc).
He can also add “not properly researching something before posting it to the internet” to that list too.
Please tell why you were writing this post from your parents house.
@Dead Air ummm Dead Air: Agreed. Even coming from him, the ignorance and arrogance is impressive.
But I predict Canadians, in our typical fashion, will politely indulge him and not cause a fuss.
Gene Simmons is not even Canadian – he was born in Israel, raised in suburban New York. He shouldn’t be allowed on his own “label!”
@LiquidHeaven: i had a cardiologist appointment this morning.
see, my life’s not that exciting!
What Gene Simmons DOESN’T know about current music trends and the state of the music industry as a whole could fill a VERY large warehouse.
@Maura Johnston: In 2009, you’re nobody until Gene Simmons talks shit about you on the internet.
@Maura Johnston: In 2009, you’re nobody until Gene Simmons talks shit about you on the internet.
@T’Challa: As you can see, it’s bee quite the day.
*been. Haha, as if to prove my point…
Since Gene Simmons was born in Israel, raised in New York and played in a band of hairy make-up testers from Outer Space, I became very intrigued by the reason why he decided to create a Canadian-artists-only record label.
I did extensive research on the subject and here are my findings:
The tongue that Gene had implanted into his mouth in the late 60’s was from a Canadian horse.
Neigh, eh?
Wait, Maura….does this mean you won’t make it into his storied picture book of skanks?
the horror!
Don’t blame him for not linking to you. The hyperlink feature didn’t appear on Speak n’ Spell until version 2.0. Then again, to install it he would have had to ‘read above how’.
Ah, Gene. We’re not laughing with you, we’re laughing at you.
@MayhemintheHood: But who doesn’t?
Oh, Gene. Are those crazy, crazy nights catching up with you?
Maura is my new hero.