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Last night’s installment in the seemingly endless slog through American Idol’s eighth season of auditions brought us to Jacksonville, Fla. But how to tie this city to Idol’s shiny pop universe? How about rechristening it in honor of Randy Jackson (get it???), and giving the whole evening a PG-rated “Girls Gone Wild” sheen?
FROM “DON’T STOP BELIEVIN’” TO GIRL-ON-GIRL ACTION: So the opening of American Idol focused on Randy and his time in Journey with a bad haircut and everything, and that of course resulted in a lot of “Don’t Stop Believin’”—the official sing-along song of drunk college kids everywhere!—being played. Also, a few shots of Randy with this haircut:
Between that, and the Paula Abdul/Kara DioGuardi fake-makeout, and the part of the show where everyone had someone on their lap and Kara was trying to hump Ryan Seacrest from behind, and the whole Floridian setting which just added its own patina of weird to all the proceedings, it just felt like the producers and hosts had thrown up their hands, said “Fuck it, let’s just have some fun, even if it probably won’t translate very well to the audience.”
KIM GORDON YOU AIN’T: The cute puppy in the above picture belonged to one Sharon Wilbur, a non-profit admin who decided to sing “Superstar” by the Carpenters. Kara sounded troubled when she asked, “Did you do the ‘baby’s in that song like Britney?”—but, of course, Sharon made it through anyway, in yet another sign that the season Randy Jackson referred to as “the bizarre season” is actually “the season where auditions were so dismal, we had to relax the rules for previous contestants returning even more.” (See also the Golden Ticket handed out to Jasmine Murray, who somehow made Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry” even more tuneless and wan, but who I guess had enough “She’s only 16!!” juice to make Simon think she could be easily molded.)
THE ARCHULETA INFLUENCE IS FELT: T.K. Hash, who was a rejectee last year, sang a bells-and-melisma-festooned version of “Imagine” that was kind of obviously influenced by the overly weeny David Archuleta version that split comment sections around the world in two last year. Simon wasn’t all that convinced by his mettle, but he made it through to the Hollywood round, one of 16 people from the Jacksonville round to do so.
JUST BLOG ABOUT STEPHAN JENKINS, MAYBE HE WILL SHOW UP TO GIVE YOU ADVICE: Michael Perrelli, an 18-year-old musician, auditioned with a perfectly passable version of Third Eye Blind’s “Jumper,” but was roundly dinged because Simon, in part, thought that he “would struggle within the parameters of this competition” and should probably focus on being in a band instead. He got defiantly teary-eyed over his rejection, and I can understand: After all, Josiah Leming had to get bounced from the Hollywood round in order to score his record deal.
REVEALING DIOGUARDISM OF THE NIGHT: Have you all noticed that Kara’s notes to contestants often belie her bitterness about her time in the biz, and how she’s been left in the songwriting dirt in favor of Chris Brown? Behold, this new feature, inspired by this bon mot to hopeful Darrin Darnell: “The music business not for you. ‘Cause it is pain and heartache. And if you can’t take it in this room? We did you a huge solid.”
(This feature is going to get so much better as time goes on, I can already tell.)
Tonight: Salt Lake City! Complete with Osmonds! I hope someone sings “The Happiest Girl In The Whole U.S.A.,” just for the sake of patriotism.
[Pic via rickey.org]
Ugh, the audition shows are more torturous than usual this season. The best part of last night was the cute dog, and Simon’s pronunciation of “Sasha.”
“Michael Perrelli, an 18-year-old musician, auditioned with a perfectly passable version of Third Eye Blind’s “Jumper,”"
That’s great. Sing a song written by a douchebag and then act like one when you get rejected.
This was the worst audition show so far. Ugh.
@Varina: I just noticed that I also used the word “ugh” right after I submitted my comment, I second your ugh.
That picture of Randy is missing something…
“The music business not for you. ‘Cause it is pain and heartache. And if you can’t take it in this room? We did you a huge solid.”
I haven’t seen an episode yet, but I already like her.
@righteousmaelstrom: This episode was not worse than San Francisco. That was the worst audition city yet — any season. This one had…um, Anne Marie Boskovich. Who did we get in SF? Answer: No one.
Was it just me or was Paula acting EXTRA crazy last night. You forgot to mention her ultra-bizarre romp with that transvestite lookalike Latina pageant queen. What was that all about?
And I predict that girl that sang “Bubbly” will make it to the Top 10.
@righteousmaelstrom:
You know, thats really rude i really liked him and i think that they were a little bit harsh! he was really good and i bet he unlike you has a way 2 show how hes feeling you just run around calling people ‘douche bags’ he did really good and anybody that is THAT good deserves to go somewhere… not back home!
@revmatty:
i don’t like her…. shes really snotty and stuck up shes a nobody. she made it somewhere and well… she just couldn’t make it like other people have said, she’s stuck writing songs for other people! shes trying to be a chick version of simon…. he IS somebody and when hes being harsh he KNOWS what hes talking about and not saying it bacause he WANTS to be the ass of the show! hes a very sucessful man and in my eyes has earned the right to be a jerk off! watch the show and u wont like her at all! they never should have added her :(