Last night’s American Idol finally brought us to the semifinal round, with 12 hopefuls—including this season’s Officially Chosen One, the sad-backstory-filled-yet-optimistic Danny Gokey—making their way to the Idol stage. The theme was “Hot 100 songs through the years,” although most of the contestants trotted out old Idol reliables (Mariah, Whitney, Aretha) with decidedly mixed results. Rankings and reactions after the jump!
12. Stephen Fowler. The guy who forgot his lyrics during Hollywood Week did not redeem himself, singing a terrible version of Michael Jackson’s “Rock With U” that was torpedoed even further by that song’s band being replaced by some dudes who had missed a wedding in the adjoining studio but were all warmed up and ready to go. Seriously, how bad were those backing vocals? If I were him, I’d be pissed, although not too angry since he completely botched the song as well.
11. Stevie Wright. Taylor Swift doesn’t have the best live voice, but fellow teen Stevie managed to do it one worse on “You Belong With Me,” totally botching any lower-register notes and meandering through various keys. Next time pick Melanie, girl! Oh wait, there probably won’t be a next time, since Vote For The Worst already has its sights on Tatiana.
10. Casey Carlson. The bubble-tea saleswoman did not learn from the hard lessons of Chris Sligh and sang “Every Little Thing SHe Does Is Magic,” which was full of sorta-flubbed words, slip-sliding syllables, and awkward “dance” moves. Where are the coaches in situations like these? There were so many unfortunate song choices tonight, it’s hard to think that there isn’t an Idol-wide conspiracy to clear the path to Danny Gokey going top two as quickly as possible. (Free Jamar!)
9. Brent Keith. Felt bad for him because his pre-performance package a) wasn’t cued up properly, almost forcing him to perform earlier than scheduled and b) talked about his paycheck-to-paycheck existence, but his anonymous performance of the Toby Keith ripoff “Hicktown” (it’s by Jason Aldean, in case you were wondering) was very karaoke, and exposed his complete lack of a lower register.
8. Ann Marie Boskovich. Her “Natural Woman” would have paled in comparison to Alexis Grace’s performance regardless, but her aimless runs did her few favors. (Note to hopefuls: When Randy starts off his critique with “So… how do you think you did?”? That’s never a good sign.) The Kara DioGuardi fangirl did have the best opportunity for the overemployed Ryan Seacrest to get saucy, however:
Ann Marie (sitting on the couch): “I just sat right on the hard part!”
[Beat.]
Ryan (irritably, to his in-ear monitors): “You know, we can hear everyone’s joke.”
Will Ryan soon be hosting Match Game ’09 on Fox? We can only hope.
7. Tatiana Del Toro. A new, reserved Tatiana picked Whitney Houston’s “Saving All My Love For You,” and her performance was just bad enough that the denizens of Idol sabotage factory Vote For The Worst are still OK with voting for her. Weird shimmying, unfortunate runs on the bridge; she hit the glory note at the end, but her idea to travel into Whitney territory was ill-advised. At least her post-performance critique generated this gem:
Kara: “… is she a character or an artist?”
Tatiana: “It’s world music. It’s all genres.”
Look for Tatiana Goes Putumayo on iTunes next year!
6. Michael Sarver. Decent performances of that Gavin DeGraw song about not wanting to be anything but yourself? That’s what the middle of the pack was made for.
5. Jackie Tohn. Raspy-voiced rocker who sang “A Little Less Conversation” while looking like an extra from Breakin’ 2. Terrible song choice, but she had spunk, and I liked how she snuck a totally Long Islanded out “tawkin’” into her song.
4. Danny Gokey. Went last. In his pre-show package he said, “It was four weeks after my wife had passed, but I felt like there was new hope on the horizon.” Then he sang “Hero” by Mariah Carey. And dedicated it to “people coming out of tough situations.” Yes, Danny is American Idol‘s own hybrid of Barack Obama, Michael Bolton, and a Sunday-morning televangelist, and the producers are milking that blend for everything they can. And Kara’s in line, too; at the end of his performance, she was screaming about his awesomeness, even though his growly, phlegmy singing was sort of average, not to mention has no place on commercial radio. (Sure, the night overall was weak, but come on.) Thankfully Simon acted as a corrective, saying he didn’t believe in Danny’s hype, but at this point he’s serving as reverse-psychology for viewers. Only as high as he is on this list because everyone else was pretty terrible.
3. Anoop Desai. Has the best taste of all the contestants by far, talking about how he loved “My Prerogative” and his selection of Monica’s “Angel Of Mine” being rooted in the fact that it was (gulp) the first R & B song he heard on the radio. Handled the song admirably, with a voice that sounded in spots exactly like Robin Thicke’s did on his last album. I’m already comfortable with saying that I would definitely buy an album of his.
[Von Smith's mouth-sized gap here]
2. Ricky Braddy. Performed a blinky and bland, but overall pretty solid, rendition of “A Song For You.” Although it probably wasn’t a good sign that, despite his parents wearing matching T-shirts declaring that they were in “The Braddy Bunch” (look, there’s even a Web site), I had a tough time remembering his name.
1. Alexis Grace. The spunky pink-haired mom from Memphis came out on stage looking like a pint-sized Christina Aguilera, and her “I Never Love A Man” had something that’s often lacking in Idol performances: A nice dollop of grit. I spent her whole audition hoping that her early-in-the-show spot wouldn’t cause her to be forgotten by voters, and at the very least I suspect she’s a shoo-in for the wild card round if Tatiana somehow makes America really remember her.
WHO I VOTED FOR: Alexis, Ricky, Anoop.
WHO’S PROBABLY GOING TO WIN: Danny, Alexis, Anoop.
REVEALING DIOGUARDISM OF THE NIGHT: To her No. 1 fan, Ann Marie: “It’s been a challenge for you to lose the demo-singer thing.” Then she said that the willowy brunette should have performed… “Love Song” by Sara Bareilles?
So, I’m new to all this Idol stuff, but jesus, are they usually this fucking crass about milking someone’s tragedy? And if this toolbox is totally okay with exploiting his wife’s passing in order to gain some fame, what does that say about him? And seriously, “Hero”?
REVEALING DIOGUARDISM OF THE NIGHT: To her No. 1 fan, Ann Marie: “It’s been a challenge for you to lose the demo-singer thing.” Then she said that the willowy brunette should have performed… “Love Song” by Sara Bareilles?
Well, this is her take on the world, isn’t it? She recently said (think it was the Times interview) that she started to think the pop world was shifting away from her when songs like “Umbrella” were topping the charts. “Love Song” — with its canned version of “sass” — is what sets Dioguardi’s heart a-flutter.
I generally like Kara and think she’s a pretty good influence on the show, so I’m not going to allow her questionable taste in pop ruin things for me. (I don’t always agree with Simon’s taste in “great songs” either, after all.) But all bets are off the minute she says something nice about Diane Warren.
Oh, P.S.: Have we started a thread on Paula this season yet? Because — shockingly — I have found her lucid and mostly on-point thus far, with some genuinely useful comments. I wonder whether Kara’s presence is actually having the producers’ desired effect: making Adbul show up with her head screwed on straight. If it were up to me right now to drop a judge and go back to the three-person panel, I’d dump Randy and keep Paula.
Last night was terribly front loaded. Seems like all of the Top 3 from last night were over by 8:30ish. Or was Anoop a little later in the show?
I agree with that Top 3 – though if past seasons are any indication, Alexis might turn out to be Ramiele Malubay with Christina Aguilera makeover.
Also, Danny’s performance last night revealed what he has coming to him: an opening slot on the next Michael W. Smith tour (and I suspect he’d be perfectly happy with that).
@Jerkwheat: Anoop was in the pre-9 p.m. No. 6 slot.
For the sake of the show, nevermind the contestants, Idol needs to be more involved with song choices. That was seriously bad last night. And the arrangements were frequently horrible as well. (Let’s replace our regular band with a laptop and Casio. Will anyone notice?) That being said, I would hit Alexis like a home run.
Am I the only one who cringed a bit when Stevie Wright said she’d been dreaming about being on Idol “since I was nine years old, when the show began”?
Holy crap, did that make me feel old!
That Police song was one of the most glorious moments of Idol ever. Monumentally bad.
Haven’t the Idol contestants realized that they are exposing themselves to a serious judge beatdown when they select an Aretha Franklin song?
@Chris Molanphy: Paula started out lucid in the beginning but seemed to flag towards the end. Not nearly as batshit this year. The producers must be checking her Coca-Cola mug right before airtime.
For a successful “singer-songwriter and producer” it is pretty shocking/amusing/irritating that Kara has no idea that she regularly gets way too close to her mic and screams into it.
And then she proceeds to give advice to aspiring singers…
last night was like shitty song choice hell or something, yeah?
only one i really dug last night was alexis. tohn is too annoying to survive. tatiana? not bad!
@chim_richalds: Ha!
@whoneedslight: The singing was awful, but the faces were Kramer-after-dental-work bad!
…overall pretty solid, rendition of “A Song For You.”
Absolutely not. He took one of the most soulful melancholy songs of its decade and turned it into a bright, crisp, Boltonesque reception track.
It was the PYT-debacle times ten; the worst example of not actually singing the song of the night. It’s one thing to make a song your own, but I wondered if he had even ever registered what the lyrics were before he said it was his favorite song.
My wife turned to me and said “I don’t think I even know that song” and so I played it for her. “Oh right,” she replied. “Yeah, I didn’t realize that was the same song.”
The only reason I could imagine that the judges didn’t kill him for it is that none of them have listened to Leon Russell in years, if at all.
Seriously, this is one of my favorite songs, and I’d love to hear someone take it on and do something new. But that was brutal.
@92BuickLeSabre: it was not as bad as pyt. nothing was. i mean, i get what you are saying, but that’s kind of ‘idol”s stock in trade, no? i don’t even think that the reinterpretation of this track was as egregiously upbeat as archie’s ‘imagine’ last year.
The Braddy Bunch are cylons, no?
Something else that caught my ear last nite — did anyone else notice how the judges thoroughly savaged the country-esque performances last nite (Brent Keith, Stevie Wright, and Michael Sarver)? Truly, they were pretty bad, but between this and Idol’s very-obvious attempts to “contemporize” the show, I wonder if they’re risking turning off a huge chunk of Idol’s very-middle-America fanbase. I also wonder if that’s maybe being done intentionally.
@Rob Murphy: well and the whole ‘where is bucky covington’ thing just seemed very odd.
@Maura Johnston: esp. since the guy did have a top 10 country single last year.
@Maura Johnston: Fair enough, Archie’s Imagine was a more savage destruction, but of a song that I respect but don’t love the same way.
And to be fair, I had some sympathy for the Rock With You attempt. (Although I believe I am the only person who did.) I imagined he was trying to sing it like Barry White would have. And I love Barry White. So I thought it could have been possible if all the stars had aligned. But sadly, they didn’t.
Yeah, Braddy’s version of “A Song For You” made you appreciate how good Elliott Yamin was. I do not agree with your Alexis Grace critique. I thought she was very average and she’s milking the sympathy machine herself with the “I’ve never been away from my baby” thing. Honestly, none of the female singers have showed me anything(including the Mary J. wannabe). Anoop is good, but go ahead and give me crap about it, but the night did belong to Danny. Like it or not, he just has a good tone to his voice and he’s confident enough to sing almost anything. The “Let’s turn David Cook into the next Chris Daughtry thing” obviously didn’t work saleswise, so look for Danny and maybe Anoop to be in the top 3 at the end.
@Maura Johnston: I skimmed some of the other write-ups elsewhere, and I was reminded more why I was feeling that vibe very strongly last nite. There was that whole “Bucky Covington” thing followed by Simon telling Brent that it was a poor song choice and he was forgettable, which prompted Brent to shoot back that “country fans won’t forget that”. And then there was contemporary pop producer Kara telling Stevie Wright she shouldn’t have sung a Taylor Swift song but should have sung Sara Bareilles instead. It just seemed like they were out of step with a huge part of their fan base, either intentionally or not.
@antistar2000: The “Let’s turn David Cook into the next Chris Daughtry thing” obviously didn’t work saleswise
Cook’s album was certified platinum recently, which isn’t too bad in this climate. Also – and this was a bit of a surprise to me – it’s done far better than the David Archuleta record.
@Rob Murphy: Oh, and also, and after Michael Sarver turned “I Don’t Want To Be” into a Rascal Flatts song, complete with a half-baked Gary LeVox impersonation, the judges all agreed it was a poor song choice and a mediocre performance, but gosh we like you so much.
@Rob Murphy: I apologize for mixing up Stevie and Ann Marie. Ignore this. I’m stupid.
@Thierry: Wow, I’m surprised! Especially since Archie has a week on David.
Archie: 639,823
Cook: 977,719
And sorry, Danny is just not all that great. Don’t believe the hype.
[blogs.houstonpress.com]
Seems to me that everyone in the world has above average musical taste if you judge them by what they claim on their Facebook profile and below average musical taste if you judge them by their American Idol song selections.
Seriously awful stuff. How come no one ever sings “Range Life” by Pavement?
@antistar2000: How did Jamar get commenting privileges?
@CraigP: Will anyone notice?
Yes. We notice so much, we’re starting to think it’s intentional. It’s a fixed race, man! C’mon! We just all love to practice deluding ourselves every season that America’s vote counts on this show.