“American Idol” Is Ready To Be Heartless

Only three people left on American Idol! And it was the 300th episode! And there was a shoutout to “Idol Gives Back” even though that episode was canceled last year! And the judges spent way too much time fighting, because they are a bunch of children who can’t stand the idea of their time in the spotlight coming to an end next week. Ratings and reactions after the jump. 3. Danny Gokey. Bringing the wedding-band vibe to the night with his soul-yarled version of Terence Trent D’Arby, who, if he was watching last night, must have been punching a soft object nearby. (P.S: Do you think Paula knows that D’Arby has a new, self-released album out under his new name, Sananda Maitreya? Wouldn’t you rather see him perform tonight than Katy Perry?) I also detected a few muffed lyrics in there, or maybe just him not keeping up with the backing singers properly. Also, Simon’s comment about Hokey putting on a “vocal master class” with his raspy, syrupy version of “You Are So Beautiful” was astonishing in its pandering–call me crazy, but I thought his voice sounded super-tired. 2. Adam Lambert. Trying to imagine the scene where Simon was lobbying Bono for the rights to let Adam sing “One” is entertaining. And Adam’s performances were OK; his “Cryin'” was pretty much flawless, and it seemed like a big, black-nail-polished middle finger in the direction of Mister Gokey and his disastrous screeching last week. I did wish that he’d held back a little more on the buildup in “One,” and I was wondering if Simon’s naked plea for people to get out and vote for him after “Cryin'” was a sign that he was throwing his weight behind a Kris/Adam finale. 1. Kris Allen. I felt bad for Kris getting saddled with “Apologize,” a limp noodle of a song, by Randy and Kara (aw, second-tier judges, so sad); his voice never opened up like Ryan Tedder’s does on the studio version of the track, and the performance was, in the end, shrugworthy. But his cover of Kanye West’s “Heartless” was one of those put-it-all-out-there moments, even if it did match up pretty closely with the Fray’s cover, which the band’s publicist helpfully e-mailed to people early this morning:

Kanye West was occupied with getting mad about people impersonating him on Twitter and has not yet commented, but he’s “TOO BUSY BEING CREATIVE” to keep up with silly things like Idol, so give him time. And yes, the cover-someone-else’s-cover schtick was employed to much greater effect by David Cook last year, but I thought that putting himself out there with just the guitar, and no stupid dance moves, was much more effective, and at least brought the show’s aesthetic sort of in line with what music consumers–you know, those people who buy those records that are supposedly the prize at the end of the line?–are into right now. If nothing else, Ryan Seacrest’s overjoyed reactions to Kris’ continued presence in the competetion should have tipped that off; part of Ryan’s duties as the most overemployed man in America put him in touch with current pop trends, and I’m starting to wonder if he should maybe be the new judge who shows the more-tired-by-the-day Randy Jackson to the door. WHO I WOULD HAVE VOTED FOR: Kris and Adam. Stupid two-hour window. WHO SHOULD GO HOME: When someone whose name starts with “Go” unjustly persists for so, so long, the jokes are hard to resist. Good thing he doesn’t care about all the oh-pinions out there, right? WHO WILL GO HOME: I don’t know, you guys. I have a nagging feeling that there might be some “Cryin'” tonight. REVEALING DIOGUARDISM OF THE NIGHT: “Have you ever interpreted a song in your life??” to Simon, who primly thought that Kara and Randy should have re-arranged “Apologize” for Kris, just like he did for Adam’s take on “One.” [Pic via Rickey]