Well, we can all rest easy. Britney Spears (whose pictured on the January cover of Elle with her two sons, an honor she shares with Lady Gaga) turns 28 today, which means she’s not only avoided membership in the Forever 27 Club, she’s now officially ready to “flip the switch from party girl to marriage material.” And you can tell how much she’s grown up—you can hear it in her own profound words.

Those Aussies might not give you much credit, Brit, but we know that you’re still very much a pop force to be reckoned with (Singles Collection, y’all). Still, we can think of no better way to honor the former reigning champ of Internet search on her birthday than to present our very own rundown of the 28 Wisest Things Britney Spears Has Ever Said. (Caveat: some of these thoughts are so deep that their sources can’t even be discerned—we compiled some straight from interviews, while others came from the epic Britney & Kevin:Chaotic reality show, her website, public appearances and the like. So, grain of salt.) In no particular order (besides the last one being our all-time fave):

1. “We’re country.”
2. “Huh?”
3. “Eat it, lick it, snort it, f*ck it!”
4. “The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.”
5. “I want to wait to have sex until I’m married.”
6. “I think honestly if you can wait until you’re married I think you should definitely do that, because it’s so much more sacred. That you don’t go around sleeping with people. But I mean, I really thought I was going to be with him for the rest of my life, I did.”
7. “I did not have implants, I just had a growth spurt.”
8. “I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”
9. “Is that possible? To time travel speed?”
10. “Exactly. There will be a ‘Oops 100.’ They’ll be plenty more oopses.”
11. “I do.”
12. “I always listen to ‘NSYNC’s ‘Tearin’ Up My Heart‘. It reminds me to wear a bra.”
13. “I’m rich, freakin’ rich. It’s crazy.”
14. “I consider him the Artist of the Millennium.”
15. “Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision he makes and should just support that, you know, and be faithful in what happens.”
16. “My favorite kind of Pepsi? Pepsi’s Pepsi.”
17. “You stand in the street outside my home, you stupid f*ck! Move!”
18. Anything she said in a British accent.
19. “I’m a smart person, what the hell was I thinking?”
20. “Even when you go to jail, you know there’s the time when you’re gonna get out. But in this situation, it’s never ending. It’s just like Groundhog Day every day.”
21. “I’m mesmerized by tigers. Their eyes, their stripes, their constant quest for survival. They almost have a sense of mysteriousness about them. They pull you in and make it difficult to look away. They make you wonder what is behind their gaze.”
22. “Sundance is weird. The movies are weird — you actually have to think about them when you watch them.”
23. “I think I’m still clean living. That’s — I mean I don’t go home and have orgies or anything like that.”
24. “People can take everything away from you. But they can never take away your truth. But can you handle it? Can you handle my truth? I don’t know… hahaha.”
25. “[Crossroads] is not a Hollywood movie, it’s a real movie.”
26. “I don’t understand when other people on a plane are laughing and goofing off. It makes it worse for me.”
27. “”I no longer study Kaballah, my baby is my religion.”
28. “These aren’t my boobs – they’re my knees!”

Happy Birthday, Brit! Here’s to 28 more years of creating awesome pop music and not thinking before you speak.