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In the new issue of Rolling Stone, John Mayer discusses his split with Jennifer Aniston, wanting a life partner and… oh, let’s cut just cut to the chase—he rattles on and on about masturbating. (Remind us how this guy got famous again?)
If only Mayer’s last album, uh, whatever it was called, was as memorable as some of the quotes he spouts off in the mag. Warning before heading below the jump: some of what you’re about to read is NSBB (not safe before breakfast).
“Like, you need to have them [girlfriends] be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually,” wise sage Mayer imparts. “But don’t they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn’t that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas?”
But wait—there’s more!
* “I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week.”
* “I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon.”
* “All I want to do now is f*ck the girls I’ve already f*cked, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them.”
* “Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!”
Wow. Kind of takes all the mystique out of “Your Body Is A Wonderland”—by making you want to go projectile vomit on the ceiling.
Old news–all those quotes sounded better the first time, when Susan Boyle said them.
hahaha…yes, john, stop stealing susan boyle's quotes! also, this just confirms my belief that “your body is a wonderland” is what he wrote while lovingly gazing at himself in the mirror, tugging at his junk.
Bahahaa….come on ladies…give the guy a break. First hes a jerk for being a serial dater, then he's a jerk for dumping Jen, then he's a jerk for jerking off! lol…. People make mistakes, we ALL do…the fact that he's outspoken and says stuff that is explicit and bold is part of who he is. A lot of us folks are bold. The only reason we dont get dragged over broken glass or hot coals about it is simply b.c the papparazzi couldn't give a S**T about some rando-blow-joe. I cant wait to see him in concert. Feb 13th and 14th back to back. :)
In all honesty…
Nothing he can do will make him unattractive to me. I still want to fuck his brains out. He can feel free to camp out on my vag any day.
So im wondering if he is still missing his old girlfriend from Portland Or?
I never did like John Mayer, or his faggy songs. He’s gross